Relationships
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Is it me?
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We just bought a house and we have been living in it for about 9 months. Before we closed on the house and moved in, he took me to go look at rings, and that was the end of that. We talk about marriage and he brings up topics about what we are going to do in the future (financially, kids, etc.), but he just has not popped the question yet! He is 3 years older than me and his friends are married and have kids. I have friends that are getting married and having kids left and right. I'm starting to feel like maybe it won't happen. I can't help but feel maybe he is fine and comfortable with the way things are? or maybe it's me? Help!
Re: Is it me?
To me, when you say "let's go look at rings" it is with the intention of buying a ring in the very immediate future. this was almost a year ago, then?
Of course, maybe he did buy a ring -- he chose one that you zeroed in on or got a very definite idea of what you wanted and bought something like it --- you will have to sit down and talk to him.
It could also be that he's hesitant about bringing up the subject; maybe he thinks you changed your mind or something.
The only way to know for sure: talk to him.
Pick a time when the 2 of you have a good chunk of time free and encroach the topic in a nonconfrontational way: "Rich, what have you decided regarding me and a ring? We looked at rings a bit back; let's reopen the topic and discuss rings" and see where it goes from there.
3 years is long enough for a guy to know whether he wants to marry the woman he is dating.
If he makes it clear he wants to live together for a very indefinite length of time and no marriage, you'll have to decide where to go from there. GL.
My now husband waited until we had been together for almost 4 years before proposing to me. We had lived together off and on (I moved for jobs but kept my "home address" his) for about 2 years. He had been taking me ring shopping for 1.5 years before he finally picked one. It wasn't that he didn't love me or that he "wasn't sure about us", his reasoning was that he wanted 3 things before he would propose.
1. A home to call our own (we had that for 2 years)
2. A steady job (this was the one that took the longest)
3. A strong friendship with each other, as well as an understanding of what we would both expect if we were to become engaged
Talk to your boyfriend, it could be that he is like my husband who wanted to make sure we had the 3 things on his list before we got engaged and married. We had a strong friendship because we dated for so long, and living together tested that friendship/relationship and we had to work some things out before we were ready. The "final straw" that made him really decide to propose, was me moving out for the summer for a job halfway across the country. He didn't like his life without me, and that really cemented in the fact that he was ready to propose.
I also had a friend who found her e-ring in January, and her boyfriend didn't propose until July because he had a plan (and wanted to make sure he was able to execute it perfectly). Maybe that is what is going on with your boyfriend too.
Anything can be in the mix. Talk to him, as we have suggested.