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Babies at weddings
So, when I got married we had an adults only wedding. But, I did let four of my friends with infants let them know that they could bring their babies (yet they all declined). Anyway, we have two OOT weddings in May 2013 (one is on our annivesary!) and we'll have a 2 1/2 month old baby. They are both really, really close friends of DH and I and we really want to go to both. One is in LA and one in Charleston. Help me remember... is it rude if we ask if we can bring the baby?
We don't want to be "those people" and we can most likely figure out a way if we can't bring the baby. But, it'll be so much easier if we can bring him/her. Is it rude to ask? They both require travel so we need to figure it out in the next month or so. I thought about it tonight because we've already got an email to book our hotel in Charleston!
Re: Babies at weddings
We also had a no kids policy at our wedding. H did receive a text from one of his cousins who had a 4 month old, asking if it was ok if he came with her and her H....
I knew that she was back at work and having her mother/mil watch the baby, she wasn't breast feeding (SIL told me this) and I didn't see any reason why I should say yes. I literally was in such a panic about the whole thing. I felt really uncomfortable with her asking about it and I sent her a nice email (she asked H via text) telling her that "unfortunatly we cannot accomodate her baby at the wedding, blah blah blah" and she was fine with that (thank God!) she had her aunt watch the baby and her parents left the wedding a little early to get home and take over watching him.
I felt like she put me in a really awkward situation when she asked. If I had intented on inviting the baby, I would have put his name on the invite. I'd wait and see if your baby's name in listed on the invite, if it's not, I'd assume he's not invited and either make arrangments to have someone watch him/her or decline.
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This is what I was going to say. I guess from what I remember, there were a lot of complaints on our TK board about people having a no children policy, but a few girls getting asked like the parents' attitude was "well, I understand that, but that doesn't include my child, right?"
I'm not saying that would be your attitude, because I can't see you being like that...but I feel like no matter how nicely you ask that is the implication if you ask AFTER the invitations have been sent out. I think it puts the bride in a really awkward spot, who might say "yes" just to be nice or because they have a hard time with confrontation, which can open up a whole bunch of other parents being pissed that someone else got to bring their baby but they couldn't bring theirs.
So I'd do one of two things -
1.) Ask before the invites are sent - saying "Hey, I know you have awhile before you send the invites out, but I was just wondering if you guys are having kids at the wedding yet. It is totally okay either way, but I just need to make arrangements for our baby depending on whether we can bring him/her or not."
2.) Wait until the invites are out, and then see if the baby's name is on the invite. If not, then I'd take that as a "no" and wouldn't ask about it.
I agree with this. Its probably better to ask early...that way, even if they don't know yet, they can start thinking about it and let you know as soon as they do know, and no one feels 'put out'.
For the record: not all weddings are childfree. We had 7 children under 2 years old at our wedding, and I have never been to a wedding that didn't have children.
If you do wait for the invite, look at how it is addressed...I know for us if there were families with kids/babys that we didn't know the names of we put something like "the smith family", instead of the parents first names. If its very specific with names I would assume baby isn't invited.
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The general exceptions to "adult only" weddings are usually OOT guests and new borns. I think you meet both criteria!
I agree with PP to wait it out and see what the invites are going to look like. If it's addressed to "and family" then you're good. If not, you'll have to chat with your friend and make sure it's fine to bring the little one.
Thanks for all the responses! I will ask them if they are having children at their weddings, and move from there, trying to be very sensitive to the bride and groom, because I remember the awkward situations that so many of us went through not that long ago! Like, I said, I really don't want to put them on the spot, or make them uncomfortable if they really don't want the baby there. (But, really, who wouldn't want MY BABY at their wedding!! J/K)
I feel like most weddings I go to are adults only, so I assumed these would be, but I guess you never know.
Unfortunately, I can't wait until the invites are out to figure it out for two reasons: 1) the invites will probably arrive before the baby is here and they wouldn't even have a name to address it to! 2) After baby comes, I'm gonna have so many things to worry about that I want all of the flights/hotels booked before he or she makes her debut!
If we can't bring him or her, I'll go to the one in LA by myself, and we'll probably try to ask a family member to go with us to Charleston. If we can't find someone, we'll all probably go to Charleston for the weekend (the wedding is on our anniversary so I don't totally want to be away from DH), but I'll skip the wedding. It'd be a bummer, because it is the wedding of our mutual friend who introduced DH and I!