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Need to have the puberty talk with my neice. HELP!
My BIL was recently in a terrible accident and is at a rehab facility for another month or two and so FIL is taking care of my neice and nephew at this time. He mentioned to me that my neice is the average age to hit puberty (she's 10) Wow, that seems so young. And it looks like I drew the short straw to explain her period to her and make sure she's ready. There are a ton of books out there and I'm curious if anyone has any recommendations on which books are best and more modern, easy ways to explain things etc. I want to put together a little period preparedness box for her. At first I was thinking just pads, wipes and extra undies, but then realized I might be doing her an injustice if I don't at least teach her how to use a tampon incase she's ever somewhere and in need an nobody has a pad, just tampons. How do you teach a child how to use a tampon? I'm so uncomfortable here but gotta suck it up. Please send any recommendations you can think of. I'm going to try to have everything ready and be prepared by next weekend and have the talk and then pedi's and shopping right afterward to hopefully leave her with a better memory of the day than simply "the day my aunt traumatized me by telling me I would soon find a crime scene in my underwear once a month" LOL!
Re: Need to have the puberty talk with my neice. HELP!
Sorry about your BIL's accident. I am wondering--if he will be out of rehab in a month or two, does this really need to happen right now? Is her mother out of the picture? Have you asked your BIL about this (if he is conscious)?
It just seems like a big thing to take on--it sounds like she has not actually gotten her period, in which case of course you'd need to talk to her ASAP. Are you the female closest to her? Just wondering if anyone else in your family might feel like you should not have stepped in...
No one showed me how to use a tampon. I guess my mother described it to me but I figured the rest of it out on my own.
I wouldn't put together a period box. That's creepy and I would've basically hated it at that age. I'd keep some tampons and pads on hand instead for when her period actually starts. That way you can offer her things when she actually needs them.
At ten, our school had a Saturday where the girls came in with their moms (or close female relative) where they taught us about periods, how to use tampons, and what to expect. My friends and I discussed it afterwards and went about our lives.
I got my period at twelve. My mother sat me down and explained what a period was, why it happened, and what to expect again. I had forgotten a lot of it so it was a good refresher. She let me ask any questions I wanted. It was over in about a half an hour. No book was necessary.
Don't over think this and don't be uncomfortable about talking about it. Your niece start to think that this is shameful and not something to be discussed. That's not helpful for anyone. Part of what made my mom's conversation with me so easy was because she was fully confident with all the information and my need to know it. It came off as important and not something to be ashamed of. Keep that in mind when you do have this conversation.
EDIT: I was also not traumatized by the conversation. Again - don't make this something to be ashamed of or be grateful that it's over by saying "Let's go shopping now and forget all about this!" I think that will only make her think it's something that shouldn't be discussed.
When I read this, I had the same question as Sapphire- is there a reason your niece needs to have this talk now, and not in a month or two when her Dad's back home? (I'm really sorry about your BIL's accident- all the best wishes for a speedy recovery!) Is her mom or grandma not in the picture? And- is it typical for girls to get their periods at 10 in your family? The "average age" for puberty when i was a teen was 12, but nobody in my family (myself included) has ever gotten their period before age 15. On the one hand, if she's showing outward signs of puberty already (does she need a bra? does she have acne? etc.) and you think her period might come this month or next, I totally agree that someone should talk with her about it and help her be prepared. On the other hand, if her period might still be months or even years away, I wouldn't bring it up to her now- it sounds like she's got a lot going on in her life, and maybe just a day hanging out with her aunt talking about whatever's on her mind is exactly what she needs.
DS's school does the "talk" for girls in 4th grade. She may already know this. She may be the average age to start puberty, but the average age for first period is about 12. Unless she's over 85 lbs you can probably wait for her dad to take over.
Kotex has wads of stuff on their website, but I like American Girls Care and Keeping of You for younger girls. It's a more holistic approach and nicely done.
If you want to freak her out, get her a Diva Cup.
I suggest OUr Bodies, Ourselves and Woman's Body: An Owner's Manual. Amazon and just about any bookstore sells them.
Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume would be another good book for her to read; I'm sure you've heard of this one.:)
She may not like the idea of tampons; offer both choices to her and let her make the call.
first and foremost i would establish if you need to have this convo with her OR are you just thinking that you do because of your own awful memory of yours?
are you close enough with her to have this convo? why does it need to be done right now?
pads and tampons come with instructions and really-it's not rocket science. anyone iwth half a brain can figure out how to use them. that box would freak me out too.
i guess what i'm trying to ask is this-why you for this?
Are you the only woman in her life? (I'm assuming so) If so, I can see why it might be better coming from you rather than Dad. (I am sure I would have been mortified if my dad had tried to talk about my period). I think my mom did a very good job of this. I don't know that I would sit her down and have a full out talk with her. Maybe just mention that you know she is getting to the age where she may have questions about periods and puberty, and that if she ever has any questions, you are always available to ask.
If she asks how pads and tampons work, just tell her. She will figure it out from there, or ask if she doesn't.
For what it is worth, I got my period at 10, so it isn't out of the realm of possibility. But I also had to wear a training bra at 8, so it wasn't like my mom didn't know it was probably coming sooner than later.
Our Bodies, Ourselves?
For a 10 year old?
From the Amazone website:
INTRODUCTION
We are delighted to present Our Bodies, Ourselves?an in-depth look at women?s sexuality and reproductive health, from the first gynecological exam to sexual health in our later years.
Since its first newsprint edition published in the early 1970s, Our Bodies, Ourselves (OBOS) has enabled women to learn about their bodies, gain insight from the experiences of other women, and consider how best to achieve political and cultural changes that would improve women?s lives. This completely revised and updated ninth edition, released on OBOS?s fortieth anniversary, covers topics ranging from sexual anatomy, body image, and gender identity to pregnancy and birth, perimenopause/menopause, and navigating the health-care system.
This edition reflects the perspective and voices of a wide range of women, and their stories are told through new formats. At our invitation, more than three dozen women of all ages and identities participated in a monthlong online conversation about sexuality and relationships; we found their honesty and forthrightness so compelling that the conversation itself became the foundation of a new ?Relationships? chapter.
Other new voices include women?s organizations around the world that have created their own resources adapted from Our Bodies, Ourselves. Throughout the book, you will meet members of the Our Bodies Ourselves Global Network and read about their work on issues such as abortion, infertility, HIV education and prevention, and social activism. From distributing posters via canoes in rural Nigeria to setting up interactive websites in Israel and Turkey and reshaping health policy in Nepal and Armenia, their efforts exemplify movement building and the power of voices raised in action.
This edition focuses on the core health issues?reproductive health and sexuality?that first brought the Boston Women?s Health Book Collective together. Some topics added over the years?such as nutrition, emotional health, and medical conditions that disproportionately or differently affect women?have been omitted this time, in part because information is now more readily available elsewhere. This has given us room to expand on issues such as reproductive rights, violence against women, and environmental health, which not only are centrally related to women?s sexual health and well-being but also are areas where, despite decades of advocacy and activism, women still face enormous challenges and obstacles that prevent them from leading safe and healthy lives.
Our Bodies, Ourselves is both a text dedicated to factual information grounded in the best available evidence and a resource about health-care inequities and the work of those dedicated to ending social injustices. The many contributors to this book did not always agree on how to analyze the social, economic, and political forces that affect women?s health or how to characterize a medical controversy. When a conclusion remains uncertain, we have shared their questions and concerns so readers can make their own decisions in the absence of the kind of evidence we ultimately hope will be available. Our website (ourbodiesourselves.org) contains additional content, references, and useful links on women?s health topics not covered in this book.
OUR BODIES OURSELVES GLOBAL INITIATIVE
Ever since Our Bodies, Ourselves became a best seller in the United States, it has inspired women in other countries to adapt it?in part or as a whole?to their unique cultural needs. Through the our Bodies ourselves Global Initiative, we support more than twenty-two women?s organizations as they develop materials based on Our Bodies, Ourselves and use their resources in wide-scale outreach to advance the health and human rights of women and girls in their countries. Although the earliest projects were located primarily in Europe, we have since collaborated with organizations across Africa, South and Southeast Asia, the Middle East, Latin America, and Europe to bring culturally meaningful and reliable information to communities where it is most needed. As a result of our partnerships, resources based on the book are now available in more than twenty-five languages and in print, digital, and other socially interactive formats. You will read about our partners in the ?In Translation? sidebars and we invite you to visit ourbodiesourselves.org/programs/network to learn more.
As always, we recognize how the personal is often political and thus underscore when individual solutions are not possible or not lasting. Throughout the book, women who have joined with others to bring about change share their stories. The combination of practical information with political critique and women?s lived experiences has long been the hallmark of Our Bodies, Ourselves and is one of the reasons the book has remained one of the most enduring legacies of the women?s movements that grew out of the late 1960s and early 1970s.
Much has changed in the United States since the first edition, when abortion was illegal, birth control was not widely available, and the few available texts on women?s health and sexuality?almost all written by men?discounted women?s experiences and perspectives. Today, information is abundant, but it is still difficult to find reliable information that encompasses the diversity of women?s experiences and teases apart the conflicts of interest inherent in many issues that affect women?s health. Far too often, corporate and pharmaceutical interests influence medical research, information, and care, and contribute to the unnecessary medicalization of women?s bodies and lives. This not only wastes money and poses avoidable risks but also can discourage women from questioning the assumptions underlying the care they receive and from valuing and sharing their own insights and experiences. The need for a book like Our Bodies, Ourselves remains as strong as ever.
Changing the medical system, organizing for better care, and altering the larger social, political, and economic forces that limit women?s lives require creative and concerted efforts over a long period of time. We believe that enhancing reproductive health and sexual pleasure can play a significant positive role in all our lives and strengthen us as we work toward sustaining a vision of a world that will better nurture all women, men, and children. We encourage you to explore this book with curiosity and vision.
OBOS Editorial Team: Kiki Zeldes, Christine Cupaiuolo, Wendy Sanford, Judy Norsigian, Amy Romano, June Tsang, and Ayesha Chatterjee Spring 2011
? 2011 the Boston Women?s Health Book Collective
I agree with LD. Ask her some vague questions about her friends and what not. My Mom died before I was old enough to use a tampon, so no one ever told me how to do it. I will admit when I first got my period I was scared to use one and way too embarrassed to ever ask anyone being a teenager. But I just read the directions (which came with pictures) and it turned out fine. It took me a couple times but I got it.
A box with pads and stuff might make her uncomfortable and embarrassed. And if she's embarrassed she won't want to talk or listen. I would just tell her to let you know if she needs anything. I think usually they cover this stuff in school also. I remember learning about it in school.
Because you specifically asked for book suggestions I thought I would add one. American Girl has a book called The Care and Keeping of You. I was never given "the talk" and had to learn myself. This book helped me as a preteen and it may help your neice.
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013