Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Friendships and marriage?
So first post on this site. YAY.
So I recently got married two months ago. But the drama started right after we got engaged this past december, as we started to pick out our bridal party attendants. We wanted even numbers on both sides. So having a las vegas wedding it wasnt bad for pricing. Hair and make up professionally done(this didnt have to be done it was just a choice i just had to cancel the appt this was just an option for them), hotel rooms for discounted rates, and the bridesmaids could wear any dress they wanted as long as it was black and to the knees.
We had in our party, my husbands sister and brother in law, my friend from dallas who i consider my sister, a married couple, his best friend and one of my friends from college.
well the family wasnt the issue nor the friend from dallas. well i would send my monthly texts to my bridal party and in a matter of 4 months my friend from college stopped talking to me and so we no longer talk but thats not the issue here. its my husbands best friend and the married couple.
So His best friend took our engagement photos for free great right? no. wrong. So months passed and well out of 300+ photos we got 27. so when he went on his bachelor party he asked about the chip for photos. his response was "oh they were bad photos, bad lighting so i deleted them." so thank goodness for my parents giving us new engagement photos from a professional.
well in march the married couple, the husband dropped because he didnt want to spend the money on a rented tux. ok no biggie, the next day his wife texted me saying "well since my husband cant walk me down the isle then i dont want to stand up in your wedding" no one would know he was going to be in the wedding in the first place!
So two weeks before the wedding his best friend calls us. "i dont know if im coming i shouldnt have to spend money on a tux. you said in january it was going to be an all black tux. my date isnt going. i have to drop money on my car. I dont have hotel reservations yet" i was livid. this is my husbands best friend? are you kidding me?
so night before the wedding so far these 3 idiots havent shown up and im stress free. my phone is dying at the small dinner party were having at the resturant i have to run to and from towers to get last minute details before the wedding the next day and i get the text from the couple "hey were here" thats when the drama started
later that night i had my husbands phone and his buddy texted him "hey im here lets go out and celebrate your last night being single." we both turned our phones off so we could try and sleep. We turned them on the next morning so we could text to find out where we were so he wouldnt run into me while i made my way to the chapel. He got another text at 2am that they were at the strip club.
the wedding went perfect but when we got the reception we didnt have arranged seating because we had such a small wedding party. all the family members sat down where they wanted. these 3 were the only ones not sitting because i was walking around talking to everyone and so was my husband so they were talking to him. I knew something was bound to go wrong. Catering was so kind as they made plates for the bride and groom and said if i needed anything ask. Well they made mistakes as we were short some table arrangements it happens i understand.
So these 3 especially the woman, felt like we did this on purpose. which we didnt. As my husband told me what the situation was i went to head of catering and he sprung into action as he went to grab more silverware and what was needed to get seating arrangements in a matter of 5 minutes as he went to make the seats, they were already saying "no were done here" shook my husbands hand and barely hugged me and headed out the door.
now my husband being the good guy before cake cutting and this being his best friend of 6+yrs and all and a the married couple being a friends of ours he sent them a text to them both saying "we have enough food and were cutting cake it was a misunderstand please come back"
in response to that his best friend told him "im already on my way home sorry" and the couple responded "first impression was better" so we no longer talk to the married couple but his best friend he desperately trying to talk to. he has sent him a text or two but he has been getting ignored. HIs best friend is the "single guy" he is very picky who he dates and has been very jealous of us from the word go. they were supposed to be wing men together and well he fell for me and he didnt like that. But started to befriend me due to my cooking skills.
I just dont see how a best friend could do something like this to his friend. I want to text him myself. but its not my place. My husband is afraid when he does ask him to come over for another get together hes going to be blown off or ignored again. This wasnt our fault and was blown out of portion. It was a big misunderstanding. I just wish he would grow up and hear our side. I feel like he is loosing a friend but is it for the best? and its not only him its friends he goes to school with too no longer talk to him. its like since he got married no one wants to talk us. Do things change that much when you get married? i wish i could find some married friends to hang out with that understand. or is it just me....
Re: Friendships and marriage?
I'm sorry to hear you're going through all this. Sadly, it's times like this that you find out who your real friends are and apparently these people aren't them.
Go out and find new friends that you enjoy being around and that enjoy being around you. If these people happen to come back around, you can decide if you want to associate with them.
It was sh*tty of that friend. But like the other poster said...it's times like this that show you who your true friends are. And to be honest things didn't change too much. It was weird..we actually had MAN friends tell us "I want what you two have". We really didn't lose friends. I had my son before I even met my husband and married. That was my true test to see who my friends were. I lost a bunch. I kept three very close ones but eventually lost one because of different reasons.
But if you would like some cool married people to hang with then you have to actively search for them. Go to classes with your husband (cooking, workouts, etc) and you could meet like minded people and make some friends
So His best friend took our engagement photos for free great right? no. wrong. So months passed and well out of 300+ photos we got 27. so when he went on his bachelor party he asked about the chip for photos. his response was "oh they were bad photos, bad lighting so i deleted them." so thank goodness for my parents giving us new engagement photos from a professional.
Having gone through using other photographers and having our own photography business I feel I need to commen on this one because you friend..are in the wrong.
Most Engagement sessions(especially free ones) only include 10 photos unless you pay extra to get the whole session. Photographers do not want to give away crappy work...and frankly if you have 27 great pictures, you have more good photos then most get...so I have no idea why you are being a diva over this one...He is protecting his photography by giving you the good ones and not giving you ones that don't reflect his best work. ALL good photographers delete crappy photos..why in the world would they want to give away photos that suck?
Sorry but this on top of some of the other things mentioned on your post you sound like a bridezilla to me and if I was in the bridal party and food for me was an afterthought that you didnt plan on until the day of the wedding...I would have had enough with you and walked out too.
My Blog:Through My Eyes
bridezilla and diva kudos to you sweetie that you have you own photography business i give you credit to that but if you actually read what i wrote i wasn't being a bridezilla or diva.
sorry for the fact i wanted uniformed dress from the groomsmen and bridesmaid. apparently you didnt want that for your wedding? excuse me for that. but this is my husbands best friend. we only had 30 people attend our wedding since it was a destination wedding so we were not expecting drama from our "friends". Again you didnt read the article, my "real" bridal party sat up front with the bride and groom, catering made a mistake it happens but people took it out of context its a simple mistake they took out of context but i think your the one really reading into it since your siding with his friend since you both have photography business even if he is an amateur and has no credit what so ever. yeah so his friend should of walked out on us because of what i wrote even though this was our wedding? yeah i'm the bridezilla and diva....get over yourself.
I'm so sorry all this happened to you!! During the process of our wedding planning a similar thing happened to us.
We got married in August, in January 3 days before we were to go dress shopping one of my bridesmaids dropped out of our wedding. She said she "couldn't afford the dress" and "would be too busy with her baby". I understood this and offered her the honor of being my personal attendant if she wanted to (which she accepted). 2 months before our wedding the same woman totally dropped from the wedding saying she was going to be too busy with her now mobile baby. I was crushed but went on with planning. 1.5 months before the wedding the same woman and her husband (our good friends, he was the best man) said they wouldn't be at the rehearsal dinner, nor would they stay for more than 1 hour of the reception because of their baby. We were a little upset but said that was fine because we understood. 3 weeks before our wedding the husband (our best man) dropped out of the wedding completely, said he couldn't afford the tux (we offered to pay for the tux). Luckily we hadn't ordered tuxes yet and one of our ushers stepped up and stood up with us on the day of.
We tried to stay friends with that couple after the wedding (even though they didn't even come to the wedding at all even after we said they were still welcome). About 1.5-2 weeks ago the friendship ended (we got married in August).
I don't think you sound like a bridezilla. It sounded to me like the 3 people from your post made it sound like they weren't coming then showed up unexpectedly. That isn't your fault, and if catering made a mistake that wasn't your fault either.
Yeah not true at all, depending who you hired but seriously ten photos? Come on I do video editing and this isn't worth even paying for, you must have hired a completely crappy photog and I'm not going to be polite about that at all. Shitty pictures if you only get ten.
Weddings bring out the worst in people. It is hard on your friends to spend the cash to be in your wedding. However, they shouldn't have said yes and then complained or dropped out. They should have declined from the beginning.
Maybe your friends were upset that your husband ignored them when they went out at night. I'm not sure why they thought you would deliberately not put a plate out for them, although I would think as the bridal party their place settings would be more of a priority. However, with not having assigned seating, then I could see why it maybe wasn't.
Personally it wouldn't bother me to only get 27 pics from a free engagement photo session.