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Feeling homesick :(
Hi y'all, I'm just looking for a safe place to vent/maybe get some guidance. Or even just someone to tell me I'm not alone in feeling like this.
I met my husband at school and after I graduated I wound up moving away from my family to marry him. While his family is all right around here, and I appreciate them, we're still just getting to know each other. And they're not the same. I've been feeling really homesick lately, and it's hard because I know I won't see my family for another three months. It's not like I've never been separated from them before, I went to school down here (600 miles away) and only saw them on holidays and in the summer. It just feels different this time.
My husband knows I'm feeling this way, and he's sympathetic but doesn't really understand. He lived 30 minutes from his family when he was at school and now we live just down the road, so he's never dealt with this and thinks I'm just being hyper emotional right now. I can't really talk to my parents about it because they already are feeling betrayed that I moved away from them and everytime we even get close to the subject they start talking about how it was my choice to move away from them and abandon them, etc.,. So the only thing that would do is give them more fuel to make me feel like an awful daughter. All my friends from school moved away from here to go to grad school, and so I'm having to make all new friends again, which is not something that I can do quickly. So there is really no one to talk to about this.
Growing up, my whole family was all within fifteen minutes from each other. Now I'm starting to feel like I'm on this island. My husband is sweet and tries to make me feel better, but as much as I love him, he's no replacement for my mom. I just don't know what to do at this point. Am I being melodramatic? Probably. But yeah. If anyone reads this whole thing, thank you for listening. I really needed to get this off my chest where no one's feelings will get hurt.
Re: Feeling homesick :(
Keep in touch as often as you can. Exchange lots of photos/videos so you can see what everybody is up to.
Also: it sounds like you have a little too much time on your hands...:) Have a hobby? Engage in a sport?
If not, do both.
And join/do something that there is that's joinable or doable in your town --- there's lots that should spur your interest: volunteer, join a club, take a night school class, sign up for coed lessons of some type (dance lessons, tennis lessons, volleyball lessons, things like photography clubs/classes).
The more you keep busy the less lonely time/brooding time you'll have. GL.
Hang on, I think that parts of this need to be addressed with your family.
First off, it feels different because when you were there for school it was temporary, in your mind and that of your family. Even if you were gone for 3 years, it was just temporary. Now that you've married and moved there it is much more permanent, so of course it feels different, even if the amount that you see each other remains the same.
Your family telling you that you abandoned them - wow. That's completely uncalled for and incredibly un-supportive.
My husband's family used to do that to him - he was like you, lived in the same house from birth to 19 years old. His parents divorced but his dad moved down the street! Since marrying me we've lived in Asia and now are raising our kids in the UK - they used to pull guilt trips on us that we needed to move "home". For us, home is wherever my husband and I are together, and we'll make the best of it. Flights travel in both directions, and we remind them of this often.
Tell them that their comments like that really upset you. You miss them too but you wish that they wouldn't make such comments, it serves no purpose.
Now you need to make your new place feel more like home. Get into a sport, some activities, some hobbies, groups...make some new friends, involve yourself with his family and make this into a home that makes you happy.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
I am going through the.same.exact.thing. I didn't move as far as you did but still about 4 hours away. His family is close by mine isnt. We just got married in April though its been about 1 year since I came up (when I landed a decent job). It wasn't too bad in the beginning with the wedding planning, I was so busy and went home a lot to meet with vendors, my mom for dress fittings, ect...now that it is over its like..."wow"..it really set in how far away i feel. my parents, like yours, feel really abandoned. I have a brother that travels a lot so they always rely on me to be around. my mom gets crazy trying to think they should move to be closer.
i told my husband before we even got engaged i can live up by him until he finishes school but after that we need to be closer to my family, i couldnt live in this area forever. it wasnt an ultimatum but something for him to think about while we were dating so he knew where i stood before we really went ahead with things. he is supportive of that and completely understands and is on board, besides he has three siblings that all left home so we would be moving closer to them anyway. but until we do move i still get very upset, sometimes cry and it makes him upset- sometimes...and this is awful, i resent his parents a little b/c they want to see us every week and my parents are far away and we cant see them as much (side note i love my inlaws they are great). I too have yet to really connect with any friends up here either so my husbands circle is all i know so far.
i guess im not offering much help, more or less just letting you know someone else is out there going through exactly the same thing. have you talked to him about long term plans? i call my parents every day on my way to or home from work to touch base, maybe that would help? i make a huge effort to see them at least 1x a month. maybe you can work out a schedule with your folks, every other month? as far as you go...try to think of it as an adventure, your starting your life together and this is the first chapter....its not forever..hang in there...i totally understand!
I know EXACTLY how you feel....except my situation was smaller scale. I lived and grew up in the same town my whole life. I moved an hour away when my husband and I got married. For the first few months, it was horrible. But I try to make it a point to see my mom and sister every week.
In your case, I was kinda taken aback when your parents got mad you moved away. I know you love them, and they love you, but that's not their decision.
Is there an important reason that you felt you had to move away? Was it jobs? If there isn't a reason for you to be living where you are, why not discuss moving with your husband?
Things WILL get better......you just have to try to be positive and open to experiences.
This, and, Oh my god, I cannot believe your parents acting
like that. I think it's good you are not near them! I would
never do that to my daughter.
You can do this girl. Your parents shouldn't be making you feel bad for moving away, you're supposed to spread your wings and fly!
I have the same problem. We're across the country from both families as of recently, and I seemed to have a lot of time sitting around missing them. Try delving into a hobby you really like or maybe getting a part time job, or even a job you can do from home!
I work from home, and I love it. It keeps me busy, and I can even do it around my tornado of a toddler. And I've made some AMAZING friends with this business. I've never met these women in person, but we're like family. It's awesome.
Best of luck hon, and keep your chin up!