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Got the blues.
Im just feeling that I need to vent about this since its made me feel down tonight. And I want to add that I've been very on edge lately and over emotional because of our unstable living and job situation. In July my H and I got married, and I moved from TX to FL. I left behind my family and was ok with not being able to see them on every occasion, except one coming up.. My 21st b'day (see sig). When I asked my H about 2 weeks ago if we were going to be in TX for my b'day, he said sure. So I told my family to be expecting me, and they seemed thrilled. Then just this evening it came up again, and my H said we won't be going to TX. In a way I understand why we won't be. It just breaks my heart a little that I possibly won't see my family for a significant b'day. I think it's safe to say that I'm feeling a little homesick, too.
Re: Got the blues.
Hopefully you mean you told your husband you wanted to go, you both started planning how to make it happen, and realized together that it wasn't feasible. Because if you asked HIM if you could go, HE said yes, and then HE decided it wasn't going to happen, you've left mommy and daddy's house for another home where the decisions are all made for you.
I don't have any advice, except to be an equal partner.
this.
First of all, you ARE with your family for a significant event.
Second, 21st birthdays are not significant. Being able to drink is not a significant event. And if you look at 21 as some sort of "rite of passage" you did that when you married your husband - which your family was there for.
Third, if this was so important to you, what did YOU do to organize/make it happen OTHER than ask your DH for permission ONCE?
Part of being a grown-up is taking responsbility for accomplishing your wants.
So why CANT you go visit your "family" to celebrate your ability to legally drink?
I knew I should have mentioned that Im a recovering alcoholic, was in rehab last year for my 20th birthday. So being able to see them for this birthday would be special.
I can't just up and leave either because A. Only H has a car.. Mine is back in TX, and B. Dont have money to spend on a plane ticket. But spending it with only my H is fine. I was just expressing how I felt
I enjoy an occasional glass of wine with dinner, but thats the most "drinking" I'll ever do again.
So I'm still not clear. Did you H decide, by himself, that you were not going? Or did the both of you sit down and decide you couldn't because of work, costs, etc?
Because I get being sad to be away from your parents on your birthday and that you are venting that you feel that way. That sucks that you wanted them to be there and celebrate your recovery progress and you can't do that.
But if he did just say, Oh yeah no we aren't going to do that anymore, then that is a bigger problem.
?????
And this still doesnt answer my thrid point. What did you DO other than ask your DH if you could go back? Especially when, at the time you asked, you knew you only have one car and cannot afford it?
I get being homesick. I understand wanting to celebrate after having an awful year. But you put yourself up for dissappointment when you asked your DH for something you knew you couldnt miraculously get and then didnt work towards achieving it yourself.
BTW, That is an awful thing to put on your DH. I am sure he knows about your homesickness and your past and wanted to send you home. And while he should have said no immediately, having to try to figure this out, on his own, with the parameters he has to work in makes him immediately the bad guy.