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Starting to look for a house and feeling blue already!
My name is RaeLynn =], and I'm married now for just under 6 months [April 21, 2012]. I am just now starting to look at houses, and with no information other than what I've read up on so far, I'm already blue!
My husband's uncle is a realtor, so we will more than likely be going through all of this with him, so I know I can feel comfortable with him, trust him, and ask him all the questions that sounds ridiculously stupid to me, but I know I need to ask them.
Here's my main issue, though: My husband is currently in school, which luckily the VA is paying for, and we live with my mother. My mom is more of a room mate, however, with her paying the majority of the bills since he hasn't gotten a job yet and I work two part time jobs, the only way I see us getting a mortgage is by having my mother go in on it with us, and her living with us since she is currently paying the majority of the bills now.
I know, it probably sounds crazy, but she is doing this for us so that we can pay our bills, and still have money to save, but I just don't know how to go about getting a house other than having her come with us.
I'd be tickled if we could all live together; with my two very best friends and the two most important people in my life, but with how terrible my husband is with money (and I'm not that great with it either, but MUCH better than he is), my mother kind of acts as our accountant most of the time, and helps us get by.
I've learned from her, and I am still learning from her every day when it comes to bills and balancing my check book, but I'm still nervous that both of them do not want to live with each other, but they want to live with me.
I know that I married him, and that I knew what I was getting into, but he was in the military for 7 years (our entire relationship basically), and I was here in the real world paying my bills, and going to school while working two jobs. I honestly thought that once he got out of the military and into the real world he would start to get the hang of things, and now overdraw his account every other week. He has gotten MUCH better than when he first got out, but I still don't think he realizes how much goes into buying a home, and how many bills and taxes and junk come with it.
I also feel stuck because I want to live with my mother and my husband. My mom is more of a roommate, she only nags to me and I don't mind, and my husband is my husband. But I don't want to put them in that situation if they don't want to be in it.
I probably sound NUTS and completely naive and young and selfish, but I have no where else to turn to talk about this, and I don't know how to work this whole thing out. I felt the need to vent, and I'm sure I'll get words of wisdom and advice from you all. I don't expect to read anything that says "Poor you," or "It will all work out fine," and I know that people can be harsh, but sometimes I think I need to hear those things, and those possible words of encouragement, which is why I'm posting on a public forum.
To those of you who have been through this or something similar are welcome - help a sista' out and be a friend, cause I think I'm sure in need of one or two lol.
Hit me with it!
Re: Starting to look for a house and feeling blue already!
It sounds like you may not be ready to buy a house. I would wait a few years and rent. Save up a healthy deposit and teach your husband some lessons on money. A house is so much more expensive than you would think. It goes way beyond paying the mortgage every month and bills. The repairs are a lot of money! Also, It's great that you want to live with your mom but I would look at buying it solo down the road instead of in a group deal now. What if anything happens between the 2 of you or for any reason you want the house to yourself?
You will need to save up money for earnest money (mine was $1000), deposit (at least 3.5%), and inspections & appraisals ($1000). You might need multiple inspection costs because the first houses may not pass. You will also need closing costs (up to 6% of the loan amount - this includes pre-pays on insurance & taxes). Also, you will need money for all the moving costs, appliances, decor (curtains, etc) and things you want to fix when you move in. I would also save up a contingency fund for any emergency repairs that may come up while you live there.
How old are you as you sound quite young? You are NOT ready for home ownership - with or without your mother. (and I am in the camp of no mother if you want your marriage to survive)
First - you need to learn to budget - track your money that is coming in - every dollar and track the money that is going out - every dollar. Do this for 2-3 months and then categorize the spending. Take a good hard look at it and see where you can cut back nd save more. Establish a budget (a spending plan) and allow for some personal money for each of you). Enter EVERY transaction . Pay all bills on time and save what would be equal to 6 months of epenses in an emergency fund.
Even with a VA loan you will need closing costs, moving costs, start up costs, repair/renovation costs, decorating/furniture/appliances, yard items, tools and a long list of misc. items (garbage cans etc)
Pay off consumer debt if possible before buying a house..
Check both of your credit reports and take care of any negatives.
When you are ready then keep your housing expenses to no more than 25-28% of takehome pay for mortgage+PMI+insurance+taxes+utilities). Consider your future if you want to have a family, want to be a stay at home mom etc or work and pay child care etc.
Buy what you can comfortably afford, - not what the lender says you can afford. You will know by your history of tracking spending what you can afford.
We saved for 6 years before we bought our first home -- don't be in a hurry. Wait until you are financially ready. (DH graduates had a good job, you have a good job and you have your finances and savings in order.) Working toward a goal such as this will help you feel empowered, not blue. It does not magically happen, you have to make it happen - one step at a time.
Two good books to read: Smart Couples Finish Rich by David Bach (great for facilitating discussions with your partner and setting up a financial plan that works for ou both.
Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey - good motivator for getting out of debt, budgeting and saving.
If overspending is a problem - go to cash only. No debit or credit cards. You can't overspend cash. When it is gone - it is gone.
What are your goals other than buyiing a house?
It is nice your mom would like to help - but you should not be depending on her to make it in life. Cut the cord and be a couple not a 3 some.
It is nice your mom is there to help. Also, it sounds like while you love your husband, he can frustrate you a lot sometimes.
Homeownership can strain relationships big time. And it sounds like you and your husband need to do a lot more talking, planning, saving, and budgeting on your own before you make the homeownership commitment.
You mentioned that your mom helps out a lot. What if she weren't there to help? What would you do?
Also, you said he is in the military and then entered the "real world." I disagree with you that the military isn't the real world. Dying or being injured is very real world stuff....military service is real world stuff.
I understand wanting a home, I started wanting a home long before I was ready. I've had the house bug for 8 years, but have just in the past couple years been really ready to make the jump into a home.
I don't know you obviously so I could be wrong, but from what you've written here it just doesn't sound like you are ready.
That doesn't mean you won't be ready at some point. It just means that you need to make a list of goals to get ready. The first goal really has to be sustained employment for you and your husband and independence from your mother. I understand you love your mother and want to live with her, but relying on your mom to help you pay the bills is just not a way you should go into home ownership. You need to be able to support your mortgage and home related expenses without outside help.
After that you need to get your credit in good shape and start a savings. Home ownership, though the American Dream, is not a right, you've got to work hard and earn it.
Just make that list, buckle down, and work hard and you'll get there.
Once your husband graduates and has a job that he really enjoys (wait at least 6 months after he starts work) my guess is that you will be able to afford to purchase a home on your own. Do it at that time. Buying a home now will take away some of your flexibility both financially and in career opportunities. Stay flexible until you can afford the house on your own. BTW... it sounds like you have an amazing mom - cook her some dinner!