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Dilemma re: birth of #3 - WWYD?
Alright - I need help, whether it's to actually make the decision for me 
or to help me think out all pros and cons. Warning - this may get lengthy!
Background:
Gavin was vaginal, 2 days late; pitocin used to induce after no contractions 6 hours after water broke; episiotomy; full recovery took about 1.5-2 weeks, no major complications; 8 lbs 15 oz
Conall was a planned c-section, 1 week early (they were afraid he was going to be almost 10 lbs); full recovery took 2-3 weeks (staph infection at 12 days PP, mastitis at 4 days PP); 8 lbs 6 oz
Dilemma:
Baby #3 is due Christmas day; parents live 650 miles away; Mom wants to come up and help again (thankfully!)
I want to have a VBAC (one dr. totally supoprts this, the other wants to plan a c-section for Dec. 18, at 39 weeks). Now, I started this pregnancy about 130 lbs lighter that my last two, so I am not anticipating potential size issues with this baby.
1. Am I crazy for wanting a VBAC? Personally, I think I had an easier recovery with #1 than #2 (Mom thinks otherwise, and she was here for both). I also like the idea of the baby picking his/her own bday.
2. Dad won't be coming up for two reasons - one is that he doesn't feel that there is much for him to do and the second (which I just learned this morning) is that he is deathly afraid of German Sheperds (ours will be just over 1 yr old at Christmas).
Ugh.
So, our options:
a. Get over my want for a VBAC and plan the 18th for birth so that my Mom can be here; board the dog (who has been boarded before); have Dad come up the 23rd or something for the couple of days around Christmas and we can all be together.
b. Plan an early birth; Mom will come up, Dad will either stay home or visit brother and family in ATL for the holiday. Dog stays with us (though that's another concern b/c, as great as he is, he is easily excitable and only listens to DH - this issue is mainly in the a.m. and when we get home from work; he settles down after about 30 minutes; Mom has no experience with dogs but doesn't mind them), or we board him. (This means Mom and Dad are apart for Christmas.)
c. Plan to go "naturally"; have Mom plan to fly up on the 26th regardless (pray baby doesn't come early - but we have friends who will help with the older two if needed). My track record - I don't think the baby will come early.
My parents' concern is that Mom won't be here to help when baby arrives and that it's not fair to the dog, to board him and bring him home to a new baby. (Truthfully, I don't think this will be an issue - the dog is a big clown who will lick you to death and lead you to the China cabinet as long as you give him a belly rub.)
I think waiting until after the 25th is also a perk b/c Gavin will be off from school and can easily come down with Mom and visit at the hospital.
So, please, help me out (I do want honest opinions about boarding the dog, but please don't be vicious/flaming about it!). I'm sorry if this is all confusing - we really need to make the decision within the next week so that my Mom can buy a plane ticket!
My three sons!
Re: Dilemma re: birth of #3 - WWYD?
The VBAC vs C-Section no advice.
But the dog, boarding is stressful in it self. Then to bring him home from boarding for over a week AND add a new baby, you may be asking for trouble. You may want to consult a behaviorist, not a trainer, and ask advice on that. If he is easily excitable, boarding him for 7+ days is not going to help at all.
Oh man, Clare, that's a tough one. What do you think you'd do if a c-section wasn't an option? If you really want a VBAC, then maybe you should try and everything else will fall in to place.
The only thing that would sort of weigh on me in your situation is that I'd want to be home on Christmas for my other kids. What if you go in to labor on Christmas Eve? Or early morning Christmas morning before the kids are up? So just for that reason (because I'm selfish like that!) I think I'd probably schedule the c-section for the 18th so I could be sure to be there on Christmas morning.
As for the dog - if you want your dad there, then I think you should board the dog without guilt. I know it's the dogs house and all of that, but while I love pets and animals, I think people trump pets in almost every situation. Is it totally fair to your dog? No. But, I think your dad meeting his new grand baby is more important. (So I could be flamed, too!)
I agree with Kris regarding boarding the dog. Is there a way to keep the dog in a certain area/section of your house, if your dad really wants to come? Do you crate him at all?
Personally, I had a really easy recovery after vaginal delivery (even with a 2nd degree tear) and I can't imagine a C-section would be anywhere near that easy - so for myself, I'd want to try for the VBAC.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Thank you, Kris - this is a concern and I was thinking of talking to our Vet. Can you recommend a behaviorist?
My three sons!
Personally, I am not a fan of scheduling births (unless you are way over due). So, if you want a vbac, just go for it. My dog and my oldest child stayed with my parents while I was in the hospital with dd. While that's not the same as boarding, he was out of his routine for about a week and came back and did fine.
Is this your dog's first time dealing with the new baby experience? It took our dog about a week to adjust after our first child was born. He barked every time she cried. He was great with kids, he had just never been around a newborn before. The second baby didn't even phase him. My point is, you might have an adjustment period whether or not you board him.
Do whatever is the least stressful for you. If boarding the dog will stress you out don't it. If keeping the dog at home will stress you out, them board him.
That's a tough one! There's so many factors to consider - some you can control, most you can't. For me, I think I would ultimately pick the option that would have me home for Christmas and the one that would allow the most help available as possible.
If you do schedule a c-section, would it change your decision if you could schedule it later? (like the 26th or 27th) With Garrett they wanted to schedule it a week early, but I really wanted a VBAC, so I scheduled it for the day after his due date. (the nurse pushed back a little bit, but I was firm.)
As for the dog issue, I wouldn't hesitate to board our dogs because I know they handle it well. If you don't anticipate any additional challenges as a result of boarding, then I think that's definitely something I would consider.
I think you need to take a step back from trying to make things convenient for everyone else and think about what you really want to do. If you want a VBAC--then you should go for it. Obviously things don't always go as planned.
If a set plan around hte holidays is more important then go ahead with the scheduled c-section.
As for the dog--I think putting the dog in a kennel for a week and bringing him home to a houseful of people and a new baby would be too stressful on him. it would likely add to his pent up energy.
If you don't crate the dog, can you corral him with baby gates? I started this with Deuce prior to DS being born. And Deuce sounds alot like your puppy. Huge, tons of energy and especially rambunctious when you get home or someone new comes to the house.
Eventually he does calm down, although when someone comes we generally put him in the basement for a few minutes until he can come up and behave properly. I also do this when I get home from work.
ETA: I would however be conflicted not having both of my parents there for Christmas.
I'm honestly no help with the dog issue. It might be worth getting help from a neighbor, either to help with the dog while you're in the hospital or to keep him nearby for a few days...so maybe he could visit while you're dad isn't home? Sorry, just grabbing at straws.
As for the birth, I have nothing but great things to say about my VBAC experience. We arranged for neighbors to watch Heather until my parents arrived. Had my parents not been there initially, we would have gotten by ok. DH wouldn't have worked anyway, he just would have spent less te at the hospital or Heather would have spent more time with local friends.
Even with some tearing, my recovery from the VBAC was shorter and way easier. And I liked having one less day in the hospital.
Personally, I love Christmas, but I would choose a VBAC over controlling the birth date to keep it away from the 24th and 25th. Ultimately, it is just a day on the calendar and you can just as easily have a special celebration on another day that week if needed.
Good luck with your decision!
I agree with Amber on all counts. I had our dogs scheduled for boarding when I was due because while I knew boarding was stressful, I also knew them jumping on me post delivery, not being used to the chaos of everyone was there, etc would be stressful on me. It ended up working out that my ILs stayed at our house and took care of them while I was hospitalized, but I was find boarding them. Could you maybe take him for a test run or two (just an overnight stay) so he could get used to the kennel?
THANK YOU for all of the feedback!
Meghan - I didn't know scheduling a c-section for after my due date was even an option. I was basically told that they schedule them for the week before.
And you all made a very good point about the chance of being IN the hospital on Christmas/Eve. It would be hard on the kids if I went into labor on Christmas Eve, and to not have at least my Mom there to help make it special for them. While Conall wouldn't know any different, Gavin is at the age where he would.
I see my doc next week and will make a definite decision then.It's too bad I probably can't talk them into inducing me around the 20th - I could try for my VBAC and be home for Christmas!
Oh and thank you for all of the input on the dog - I will definitely talk to at least our Vet. Kodi did great when boarded back in late May (around 6 months of age) for 2 weeks when we went away, and we're boarding him for two days at the end of November when we go away again. But, the infant factor wasn't one I was thinking of.
I appreciate all of the different thought processes!
My three sons!
I do not know of a behaviorist, but I would definitely ask your vet or even call the Pittsburgh Veterinary Specialty and see if they have a recommendation.
Do you crate the dog when your not home? If not, I would probably start. Here is a link for info. That way, you could crate him when things got to be overwhelming. That way, he is still home but he is "contained". And here is a great link for resources for preparing a dog for a baby.
My dad was afraid of our bulldog at first, I mean I was afraid of him too when we first got him, but he has definitely warmed up to him. Maybe, crating him for a bit when your dad first gets there, then gradually letting your dad warm up would work.
Their preference is to schedule a week before, so if that's not your choice, you do have to be your own advocate. They wanted to schedule my c/s with Garrett a week before, but I just told them that I wanted to try a VBAC and wouldn't schedule anything before my due date - I didn't have to fight for it or anything, but I was just very clear in what I wanted. Although, I will say that last week of pregnancy I was really kicking myself for not scheduling it sooner! ha!
(Also, I could be wrong, but I didn't think that they induced for VBAC's - you might want to discuss with your Dr. what happens if you do go late - will they induce or will you have to go for a c/section.)
I think I'd go with whatever you felt better with. I have never had a CS so I'm not sure how I'd feel. I know that I really had a hard recovery with Vbirth and from hearing from CS people a CS sounded better to me!! So I'd be leaning towards CS for that reason and the convenience of scheduling (even though I'm typically against that!). But if you want a VBAC I'd do what you feel most comfortable with.
as for the dog I like what Kris posted about crating and maybe your dad will get used to him. IDK I just can't understand being that afraid of a certain type of dog when it sounds like your particular dog is friendly. So maybe once he saw him and realized how friendly he is he would come around.
but I also would be ok with boarding. If he has done fine with it in the past then I wouldn't be as stressed about it. I mean honestly any scenario here is going to be stressful and an adjustment for him. Boarding is stressful but being at home with houseguest and new baby will be stressful as well. I guess I'd talk with the vet and see what they say.
You've gotten a lot of great advice and since I've only had one, vaginally, I don't have too much to add in regard to VBAC - however, I had a very hard recovery with Gabe. My situation was 1 in 1,000,000 from what I'm told (and in hindsight I probably should have had a C) - but vaginal delivery is not always an easier recovery. I was on pain meds for nearly 10w pp and I have a pretty high pain tolerance. Just something else to consider. Good luck with whatever you decide!
I'll look into this!
Kodi is crated while we are at work or away from the house, and does very well, so we have that in our favor. He will even go into his crate when we're home to chill out. However, being in the crate (closed) while we are home is not an option - he barks and whines like nobodies business.
From what my Mom told me this morning, there is no way my Dad will even go near Kodi. (Like I said, this is news to me about the breed b/c my brother has had a dog for years and my Dad has no issues with her.) Apparently his Dad was pretty viciously attacked by a german sheperd, and another one snapped at my Dad when he was younger. There's no way my Dad will even attempt to try to like him, which is a shame!
My three sons!
Your dad's hesitance in Kodi could cause Kodi to react in a non-typical way too. I think as far as their interaction goes it is best to just remove that part from the equation. So kennel him, or let your dad visit your brothers family for the holiday.
As for the VBAC/scheduled C debate. I would be more apt to go VBAC. Sure there are terrible stories on either side, but this will be your second VB and it should go smoother than the first. If the baby comes on Christmas, I don't think it would spoil things for the kids. And I just think that babies come when they are ready (unless medically something needs to be hurried up of course). And I would let the baby pick its day.
no advice on the dog issue, sorry.
I would just try to sit down and think what is important to you? Having your parents there (board the dog) & everything planned (schedule it) or having a Vaginal birth (let nature handle it) ? I've had 3 c/s and while they aren't walks in the park they weren't terrible after the first few days. But if I could have had a vbac I would have b/c I wanted that experience. You've already had both - does it matter to you the way the baby is born? For some it does & its really important but for others it doesn't as long as they are healthy. There are certainly risks of c/s and it could always end up that you go vaginally but have to have a c/s anyway which is the worst case scenario.
I don't think I'm much help ! But list what is most important and then everything else should fall into place.
How time flies! Caileigh (9), Keira (6) & Eamon (3)
I am no help with dogs. I don't have one.
That sucks about your dad. If your parents are traveling to see/stay with you and you have a new baby to see, I personally would want them both there. It's not like you can just go visit dad next week ya know? Like others said maybe a neighbor or friend can take the dog for a day or two at least so you dad can have at least a couple days with the family.
I had a c/s after being induced 9 days late with no progress and laboring all day and pushing for 2 1/2 hrs. Adam was only 7lb 12oz. He just wouldnt' come out. I had a fine recovery, maybe being in the hospital 3 extra days for his jaundice helped but I dont think it was the only factor. I am very ok with a sheduled c/s if we have a #2. I tried the first time it didnt work out, I am sure it wouldn't be any better the 2nd so why try. Of course you had a 1st perfectly normal birth. I am surprised they planned a c/s with #2 really...
Personally I couldn't handle the "game" right around Christmas. Life here is craziness without adding the birth of a baby in the middle of it! I would take the 18th. ( which also happens to be my Grandma's Birthday. = ) ) I would sooner have a new born to tote around then possibly have to stop everything and go to the hospital. Maybe it wouldnt' bother Adam, but I would be sad to miss out on the fun and traditions!
Good Luck with your decision Clare!
Married, September 23, 2006
If he isn't willing to even try, then I agree with Amanda that his "vibe" is going to make the issue worst. Then I would board him.
My sister boards her dog at a place off of 228. It is also a doggy day care and they have mostly larger dogs. Bernard loves it there. He was kicked out of K9 Kingdom, not sure why and neither are they. But they love the owners and it is out of their house. I can get the info for you if you would like. But you would most likely have to make a reservation ASAP since it is the holidays. Let me know.
If he isn't willing to even try, then I agree with Amanda that his "vibe" is going to make the issue worst. Then I would board him.
My sister boards her dog at a place off of 228. It is also a doggy day care and they have mostly larger dogs. Bernard loves it there. He was kicked out of K9 Kingdom, not sure why and neither are they. But they love the owners and it is out of their house. I can get the info for you if you would like. But you would most likely have to make a reservation ASAP since it is the holidays. Let me know.
Thanks again, everyone, for all of the thoughts! We have a lot to discuss!
Kris, I will take the name of the place, if you don't mind. We do use a farm kennel up in the Zelie area that we have never had a problem with, but it's always good to have places to compare to!
My three sons!
99% of the OBs I work with and my experiences with wont electively induce a VBAC. My suggestion is to strip your membranes at your 38-39 wk appt. that would give you a good shot to go into natural labor for a few days. If that doesn't work, consider the CS for the 20th to get you home in time. Just TALK to your OB and tell her what you want (VBAC prior to Xmas). I would welcome the help of my mom, especially with it being #3 (you'll be trying a zone defense in parenting otherwise). If I were you, I'd go with 38+ wk stripping, hope for natural labor VBAC, schedule the CS for the 20th. Mom fly up somewhere btn 20-23rd regardless
I personally would hate having a Xmas/Eve birthday kid bc it would take the "specialness" out of the birthday when you're already running around for Xmas.
I sent you a FB message with the info.