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I know I need to move past this but I am having such a hard time
I truly dislike my BIL. He is a spoiled self-centered person. We (as a family, not just me) had a huge ugly blow-out over the summer and I haven't spoken since. DH has only spoken briefly with him.
I am not ready to deal with him yet. I thought we weren't going to see him until Christmas. There are enough other people around that I can ignore him.
MIL would really like to see us on Thanksgiving. I don't want to deal with BIL; its a much smaller group (less than 10). I want to see the other people but really don't want the stress of BIL's blow up.
I'm seven weeks pregnant and never want to live through that type of situation again. I'm going to talk to DH (and maybe MIL) about my concerns. Its just not a situation that I want to put myself or my family.
full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
married since 2011
TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
Bloodwork: normal
2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
New RE appt 8/14/12
IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
Beta #1 BFP! 97
Beta #2 234
Beta #3 4937
ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
10/20/12 graduated!!!
EDD 6/7/12
Team PINK!!
Re: I know I need to move past this but I am having such a hard time
If you are going to see him on Christmas anyway, what difference is it seeing him one month before? You will have your H there, and be able to support each other. Keep in mind that he is family now, so you two will be in each other's lives for a long time.
Without knowing exactly what he did to cause the big blow out, my advice would be to try and act civil. You are already aware that you will see him in the near future, and it won't hurt to keep the rest of the family happy by being there for Thanksgiving.
My ILs have all sorts of drama but on holidays everyone just forgets about it and pretends everything is fine. Not saying that's the healthiest way but it's not my family so I just go with the flow. Your BIL might be a self centered a hole but unless he's doing something personally to YOU you just have to let it go. Here's a quote I came across recently that might be helpful:
"The first step towards forgiveness is realizing that the other person is just plain bat sh*t crazy."
This. Plus I love the term bat sh*t crazy. And I'm from GR too. So, I have to agree with Wendy
BIL wanted SS2 to work for him for free for three weeks. He owns a restaurant and pays his employees but didn't want to pay SS2. SS2 is a very sweet kid and just wants to please everyone. He and I talked about it and decided that it wasn't something that SS2 wanted to do. I told BIL that we were declining the "invitation." BIL turned around to SS2 and told him that he should pack up his bag because he was staying with BIL for the next three weeks. This was within 20 minutes of me saying no. I said "no, SS2 is not going and we already said this." He continued to say "I am his uncle and this is want I want to do with my nephew."
BIL started screaming at DH that I was trying to keep him away from SS2. I am not going to have SS2 stay with a guy he doesn't know well for three weeks (it was summer), work for free while others are being paid for the same job, and not have a place to sleep (air mattress in the kitchen!). SIL started yelling and BIL, BIL started yelling at MIL, DH and BIL got into a big fight. SS2 was crying. BIL's wife and I took all the children out of the house. It was absolutely awful.
I would prefer to never see BIL again. I certainly don't want him around my family.
full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
married since 2011
TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
Bloodwork: normal
2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
New RE appt 8/14/12
IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
Beta #1 BFP! 97
Beta #2 234
Beta #3 4937
ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
10/20/12 graduated!!!
EDD 6/7/12
Team PINK!!
Ok - so BIL is a douche. But, he is still family, and will still be around for holidays. Don't let him ruin the relationships you have with the rest of the inlaws. The best revenge is to act as if he is completely inconsequential - ignore him when you can, and engage only as much as you absolutely have to. Have a good time with everyone else.
The first get together after a blowup is always the most awkward. Get it over with so Christmas can be more relaxed.
BTW - kudos to you for sticking up for your SS.
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
Amen to that! I second MrsMcC!