Family Matters
MommyLiberty5013
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Sensitive Topic - Need Advice
Hey all, I need some guidance on a very sensitive topic. I have never been close to this issue before.
Last night, our neighbors' across the street daughter took her own life. We witnessed the arrival of the EMTs, fire department and the parents emotional responses to her death. She was in her early 20's.
We moved to the neighborhood in June - so we are friendly with them, but aren't close at this point.
We don't want to barge in, but we want to lend a hand or help out in some way to show support.
What should we do or not do? I was planning on making some meals, but when should I do this? There home is full of other family and friends at this time.
Thank you.
Re: Sensitive Topic - Need Advice
Saw your location - we are all south of the TCs. Ick on that news. Thanks for the advice.
You can do it pretty much anytime but sooner is better than later.
Anything that they can take out of the freezer and pop into the oven is a good idea: meat loaf, stew, lasagna, stuffed shells, chili, stuffed cabbage.
Cakes are good too.
Some folks give money as well, to help defray costs.
I second all of this.
I agree with a freezer-friendly meal, with a note of condolence, left with whoever answers the door as the parents may not be up to greeting.
I also wanted to say- this is one of those things that hurts and hurts and hurts for so long- far past the time when all the "first holiday/ birthday/ year without her" milestones have passed. I think just keeping in the back of your mind "They are hurting, and they could use a kindness," is the thing to do, even if it just means asking "How are you today?" when you run into them instead of leaving it at a quick hi, or offering to water their plants or take in their paper when they say they're going out of town, or something. I'm bad at giving examples, but it's something that helped me because sometimes I get caught up in my mind of wondering what to say or wishing I knew the right thing to say or wondering if I'm close enough to be the kind of person they want to have say something, and just keeping the thought of "They could use a kindness" helps me guide my thoughts toward the people that are grieving and notice natural opportunities to support them as they come up.
I'm so sorry for the whole situation, and the loss your neighbors have suffered.
This. I would honestly probably wait on the meals until theres less people around them because if theres lots of family there as you said, they probably have someone else cooking for them right now and if I was in that position, its been a hard enough time, its not the time to make better friends with the neighbors, I wouldn't want extra people around or dropping in when theres already lots (or maybe even too many) family around and I am hurting...I think its going to be harder for them when everyone kind of backs off and they have to face the next months/years alone when thier family is back to being busy in thier own lives. I would maybe just get them a card for the immidiate time being and include your number and a "call me if you need anything" and then as soon as the business around them dies down take them over some freezer meals/baked goods and ask them how they are doing.
My Blog:Through My Eyes
Lasagna is my go-to meal for any life altering event for friends/neighbors (death, babies, etc.). Adding a note is perfect so they know you are thinking of them. If you aren't quite on a first name basis yet, put your address on the bottom so they know which neighbors. Also, use the 1 time use pans, that way they don't have to do dishes and you don't have to worry about getting your pan back.
Speak briefly to whomever answers the door when you stop. If you are willing to help out with things, offer. This gives them the opportunity to refuse if they have support already but also gives them another couple to turn to if they need it. The next several days/weeks are going to be tough for them. I would probably check in with them again once things settle down. Once their family isn't visiting/staying with them, the house will likely get lonely, this gives you another opportunity to show you care a few weeks later by dropping off something additional or just saying hello and checking in on them.
good luck, my thoughts are with that family.