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Um What?
I recently posted about H's parents' 25th anniversary vow renewal/party. FIL's brother's wife is the one who is planning the party with help from SIL, BIL, H and I, mostly me because SIL cannot keep a secret, BIL is a teenager, and doesn't know anything about planning an anniversary party.
Anyways in the original email H's aunt sent it stated that her husband would pay a huge chunk of the bill... I know that she is basically picking things and planning things while asking my opinion, but she hasn't asked for any money or mentioned cost. Nor have I because it is H's family, therefore he should be the one asking...
Tonight I was texting aunt back and forth about the party and how many people MIL had on the guest list. Then she mentioned that she would have to figure out how to put on the invitation that guests will have to pay $25 for the reception, like she did with FIL's sister's 25th anniversary party.
Now I know what you are thinking... it is rude to make your guests pay to eat at a hosted event... However when we went to FIL's parents' 50th wedding anniversary party we paid for our meal. H expected it and knew about it, but I was utterly shocked!
Apparently this is the norm for where H is from because people don't have a lot of money. I am shocked because when aunt mentioned money it seemed like it would be rather expensive... party supplies and invitations couldn't be that much money.I am kind of shocked because I assumed they would be paying for the food which is the most expensive cost for any party.
MIL really wants my parents to come, and I am really dreading them receiving their invitation indicating how much they have to pay to go because I know they will think WTF?! when they get their invite...
Re: Um What?
I don't understand the logic - if people don't have a lot of money from where he is from, how is making each person pay $25 helping? $50 is kind of expensive for a meal where you have no say as to where/what you will eat, and in general for someone when money is tighter for them.
I'd be really put out if I received an "invitation" to a "party"...that I have to pay $25 to get into. You are right, if they aren't paying for food, what are they paying for? Anniversary parties don't really NEED decorations, at least nowhere near as extravagant or expensive as for a wedding. Honestly, I'd be a little mortified if I found out that all the "guests" at a party in my honor had to pay to be there. I'd much rather have a house party with hors d'oeuvres and cocktails/drinks if it meant my guests wouldn't have to pay anything (and that sounds more fun to me than a dinner anyways)
Nonetheless, people are going to do stuff like this no matter what you say. Honestly, if it were my mom I'd give some forewarning like "You know, H's aunt is planning this anniversary party for my in-laws. You are invited so you should get your invitation soon...I just wanted to forewarn you that they are charging $25 per person to cover costs. I tried to tell them that isn't polite...." etc etc etc. so that your mom knows it wasn't your decision.
I agree and can't think of a party where it's okay to ask guests to pay for their meal. An informal, let's get together for drinks/dinner at a restaurant for a bday is one thing, but a hosted party with invitations, etc. it's just unacceptable! Just like a wedding, you have the party you can afford!
If it were me, I would invite my parents but give them a heads up beforehand. I'm kind of tactless in that I would probably call my Mom anyways to say "OMG, you won't believe what they're doing!"
I agree with the ladies and especially with the bold.
It's not really your party if your H's aunt is doing most of the planning and spending, so as tacky as it is, I wouldn't make a big deal about it, if thats what they are used to then let it go, I don't think it's a battle worth fighting (on the flip side could make your inlaw side think you are the odd one out/causing problems and making drama). I would definately give your mom and dad a heads up before they get the invite (and maybe anyone else you know who might be invited and horrified when they get thier invite!), letting them know that thats the way that side of the family seems to do things.
My Blog:Through My Eyes
Thanks everyone for your feedback... I feel so icky about it, I haven't responded to aunt's text. MIL will not have any problem that this is the arrangement of the party either... all of the people invited won't be that surprised either because that is the norm for H's hometown...
I know, I know, it's horrible, even H feels like it's weird too, but I guess we can't really do anything about it. I get that MIL wants to have the huge wedding she never had, but why not do something smaller with people you actually talk to on a regular basis.
She wants to have 75 people come to the party. We had 95 at our wedding. She is seriously invited every ***, Harry, and Sally she ever knew. I wish aunt limited her to 50 people or something.