Relationships
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Having a roommate after Marriage
My husband and I bought a house about a year and a half ago when we first got engaged. We decided to have a roommate for a year to help with finances with the wedding planning. The plan was that after we were married, our roomie would move out. He has money management problems and we decided to let him stay 4 months longer than expected to help him out. He also has a dog that is very old that stays at our house. He is not the worst pet owner, but he doesn't treat the dog like family, which is how both my husband and I were raised to treat our dogs. These are a few of the little things that can be irritating when having a roommate. Now that we are married, I feel like we are missing out on our 'newlywed' stage. Yes of course we are still enjoying it but I feel like it could be so much better if we had the house to ourselves. I can't walk around naked, or in lingerie for that matter, we can't have sex anywhere in the house except our bedroom, I constantly have to make sure when I change clothes that my door is shut, we can't cook a romantic dinner together without any interruptions. Does anyone else see where I am coming from? I feel bad because I said he could stay those extra 4 months, but now that we are married I feel like I robbed myself of 4 months of fun newlywed memories. Any advice out there?
Re: Having a roommate after Marriage
I think you kind of have to wait till Jan. But if it were me I would be asking him daily if he's found a place/looking for a place/ mention places that are affordable that you saw on craigslist or in the paper..
It might seem kind of annoying/demeaning, but you said yourself he has money issues, and being a bit annoying while at the same time giving him options might push him out that door a bit sooner, and even if it doesnt, then come January you can say 'look we have been trying to help you, looking up places for you, volunteering to go down and look at them with you etc, and you're still here, so sorry but you can't stay here anymore", without feeling guilty.
My Blog:Through My Eyes
I'd have said no to the friend, based on that. Why take chances?
Make sure he stays for the time that you allotted him, then say goodbye.
And don't accommodate friends anymore, as roommates. Learn your lesson the hard way; write it off to experience.
He has money management problems? Whatevs. Give him 30 days and put your roomie out.
TTC since September 2012
I totally feel you! The DH and I have been married for a few years and and have had a house guest(I wouldn't call him a roommate since all he helps pay for are his food & the utilities that he uses) for a few months. He is staying until probably the end of the year.
I think it might be easier for me to deal with is because the house guest is putting his life together, working at his first real job, learning how to live like an adult, etc. and he doesn't have anywhere else to go until he saves enough money.
My advice: go on more dates, coordinate times where the roommate wouldn't be home for romantic dinners(you probably should still be covered up though in case he comes back early), book a night or two at a B&B, take a bubble bath.
It usually the simple things that I cherish more with my husband.
As for the money management, you will have to evaluate if you're enabling him or helping him by letting him stay latter.
This. When January rolls around and he still doesn't have a set plan, it sucks, and you want to feel bad, but you really can't if you've given him enough time and you've even helped with suggestions or whatever. His problems are not your fault. Don't give in to any guilt.
And another PP mentioned get it in writing.
Approach him with an updated contract (if you originally had one) and make him sign it, understand that he and his belongings must be out on or before Thursday, January 31st, 2013 and he must leave his key. (I'd also consider changing your locks after he leaves and not telling him you're planning to do this). I would keep multiple copies of the contract - but put one in a place that everyone can see it (on the fridge, for example).