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So frustrated. SIL Drama.
Hi All,
This is sort of more than anything just a mini-rant. But if anyone has any advice, thoughts, similar stories, etc. to share they're appreciated.
So I think I've mentioned this on here before, but I have a SIL who is 16 years old. My husband is 25, so there is an 8 year difference between he and his sister. I love my SIL, but she drives me crazy She is extremely spoiled, and my MIL and FIL are basically afraid of her, so they don't do anything to reign her in. She's an incredibly angry kid, and flies off the handle about any little thing. She's extremely disrespectful of her parents, and they do nothing to discipline her.
To be clear, she's not a horrible kid, just very angry. To our knowledge she isn't involved in anything illegal or anything, but she doesn't always make the best choices, and so far they've done nothing to help push her. She's not punished for bad, but honestly she's not really praised when she does well either. My MIL frequently talks about how much easier H was to raise, how much more pleasant he was, etc. in front of her. I've frequently defended her to her parents and to her brother (my H) saying that she just needs a little discipline and that his parents need to go a little easier on her as far as comparing her to him. We've always gotten along fairly well despite the fact that she's just not always that easy of a person to be around.
She's been to counseling after a little behavioral issue back around halloween, and it seemed to help a bit, for a while. But now she really wants a car. But she is demanding a mustang. (What kid doesn't want a mustang, right?) His parents are a little strapped for cash right now, and the type of car that they can afford is probably not going to be what she thinks she deserves. She got a job but she just started and really is not in a position to buy her own car, so she expects them to buy it for her. They've been looking at cheaper cars $2 K and below, but she thinks she deserves a sports car. Everytime we go there we end up seeing a huge fight about the car. We try to stay out of it, but sometimes one or the other tries to drag us into it.
Well, Tuesday night when we were up there we were there to ride his horse, which is kept at his parents because we have no land. We were having dinner and they started the car conversation again. So I said to my husband, well if they're starting this, I think maybe we should just head on out to the barn. I really never thought anything else about it. I didn't aim that comment at anyone in particular.
Well, last night I got on twitter, and my SIL's most recent tweet said "My sister in law is a ***. You can't control me and you can't control my brother!" I was stunned. We've always had a decent relationship, and she's never really lashed out at me for anything, despite how she treats other family members. And I've frequently defended her, offered solutions on how to help her get a car, etc. I was more than a little hurt.
Sticking with the belief that you handle your family, I handle mine, I told my husband I wasn't going to say anything, and that if he wanted anyone, including his parents to know about it that was up to him. So he called his parents, and also talked to his sister about it. She admitted that she didn't know I followed her on twitter and didn't know that I would see it. She also admitted that she was upset because she's being ignored, and that she took it out on me. Her mother was extremely upset and embarrassed, but as always failed to institute any type of punishment or anything. (In their house they just do a lot of yelling).
I'm just so frustrated. I did get an apology from her, and I did accept it, but I still can't help but feel so hurt by it. H thinks I'm overreacting. But I just feel like I've tried so hard to be good to her, despite the fact that she isn't an always an easy person to be around. I know I need to not let it get to me, but I just am so frustrated. The last thing I want to do is put H in the middle, or cause drama between me and his parents or him and his parents, but I just get so tired of seeing her run the show. I know they're not doing her any favors in the long run. 
Sorry so long! I just felt like I needed to get that off my chest.
Re: So frustrated. SIL Drama.
I understand- my SIL is 6 years younger than H, and the baby in the family. She runs the show, too. She just got the hand-me-down car that was H's, then BIL's, then hers.
There wasn't really a discussion about the car. The on-going fight was always about going to college- most of the family thought she should start at a 2 year and transfer, since she wasn't declaring a major and never showed any aptitude towards a particular subject, and just said she wanted to marry rich. (Which is encouraged in that house.)
Anyway, I never had any words with her, but I also don't have anything to talk to her about, really. She can be bratty and baby-ish, and never has to take any responsibility for anything, but I have really tried hard to not worry about it when I'm not with her. It is hard, though, at family dinners. I usually just talk to MIL when SIL isn't around so it doesn't get confrontational.
One thing I wanted to throw out there real quickly, but from my experience in car insurance sales and claims, a mustang has got to be one of the worst possible cars for her to drive. Because guess what, she's going to have an accident. They're terrible to insure a young driver on before they hit anything. Then once they do, ay yi yi.
Anyways, since you probably don't care about that part as much, I'd say let it go for now. She apologized and hopefully got something out of this as a learning experience. I think it's good that DH addressed it. It sounds like she never saw you as an enemy before, so maybe you just hit one of her teenage hormones the wrong way on accident. Hopefully you guys can laugh about it when she grows up a bit.
Thats what we've said too! Plus I'm afraid she would try to show off in it (she shows off in her mom's minivan! what would the kid do in a sports car) and get in an accident because she's too confdent.
Thanks for the replies! I've cooled down a little,and it helped a lot to just rant about it to someone who isn't DH.
My SIL says she wants to marry rich also! But not in the funny way that we all joked about when we were younger, but legitimately I think that's her plan. And the same thing comes up when we talk about college. I usually stay out of that one, but her parents also have encouraged her to start at a Community College and she doesn't want to because she wants to run away to NYC or something.
Like you, I don't really talk to her that much. I generally keep it polite but I don't really put much in put in the conversations. One day she'll grow up and realize it was her that was being irrational, so for right now I just try to stay out of it as much as possible to stay in the good graces of MIL and FIL
If she has apologized, I would just leave it that. Sounds like she was at least semi-embaressed about it.
Just speculating, but I wonder if she might be bipolar or ADHD. Her emotions just seem very unbalanced, even for a teenager haha.
If I were you and your husband I would say we would appreciate not being brought into personal decisions and fights regarding the family. Those financial decisions are not our business. Hopefully they respect that.
BTW super jealous of the horse.
Wedding Bio!