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Can I just take a break?
I'm just going to come out and say it... I don't want anything to do with my in-laws anymore. I can handle them in small doses, which used to be perfect. I love them, but I can only do this in small doses.
We used to live a couple of hours away which was perfect because only his parents would visit. Alone, they are wonderful people. Unfortunately, we had to move home. I now live 15 minutes from them, and the family adventures have to include everyone all of the time. We can no longer have a nice quiet dinner alone without someone else (admittedly - someone I do not like 99% of the time) constantly being invited. If they invite grandma - that's cool. That's just one more. This is a small pet peeve - I deal with it. (What choice do I really have?)
Now we are back to a minimum of once a month that some event is taking place that has 12 or more invited. People I have nothing in common with. I'm tired of sitting on the couch watching football with the guys because that is the better alternative than swooning over the grand kids. But mostly, honestly, it's because alone with his parents we had conversations - but when her real daughter and/or grandkids are there I"m chopped liver. Every conversation revolves around them and I just sit there smiling and nodding.
And I'm honestly tired of comparing myself to them. I feel that I am going to be a terrible mother because I don't swoon over children. When my sisters-in-law see each other they immediately swap babies so they can hold the other one. I don't run in like that. I say hi. I smile at the babies but I don't immediately reach out for them to hold them for the next hour. I don't talk baby talk to them and my adult conversations deal with work, my dogs, life, politics, religion - not babies. - All they talk about - is babies. 
I'm tired of not fitting in. They breast feed in front of everyone (which is fine their choice) but the look of my mother-in-law with that smile from ear to ear as she stares creeps me out.
So would it be so bad if I just take a break? Can't my husband go to these events without me? I miss the family reunions that occurred every 3 or 4 months. Now I'm facing another one this weekend and we were all together just this past weekend. The tides have turned and I swear now that there are 2 more babies in the family my mother-in-law is finding more reasons for everyone to get together. This month it was "C" birthday, "K" baptism, and now we have to have a "talk" this weekend about the family business and it involves dinner and an all day event. I just don't understand why we can't have our conversation and go back home.
How can I tell my husband politely that I want to back out? I want my old, quiet life back. And I want it now (not in a childish, NO! NOW! way) I mean - I want it now because our lives are about to drastically change and things are going going to get worse - if I nip things in the bud now it might be easier later.
Re: Can I just take a break?
You and H need to stand together on this.
From here on in, don't accept every invitation. It is as simple as that.
These parties are also costly.
My xH was like this; so was his family. His bro and SIL insisted on a b'day party for themselves and their 3 kids, each and every year -- and it was a MUST that Christmas Eve be hosted at their home...we "had" to attend....and this also means buy a gift for everybody there
That house was, as you said, filled with people you have zip in common with --- scads of the IL's neighbors were there (and some of them were shifty and shady; I don't like spending time with those people) and he insisted we run to every event: bbq, summer party, anniversary party, you name it.
If you don't want to go, then don't. Just do not expect your H not to go. Tell him to have a great time and do what you want. Once a month is pretty average to get together with family who lives close. However, I did count Holidays as that once a month get together.
Two weekends in a row? Nope, I would pick one event and that would be it. But I'm selfish with my time on the weekends.
I don't know that once a month is all that much as they are local. The "at least" once a month, though... I'm feeling you more on that.
No, you don't have to go to every single event. Sure, send your DH off to represent for both of you. You are still an individual who is allowed to have other plans that don't involve your DH or his family on the weekends.
But I get the sense that you may not have talked to HIM about this yet. Nothing else really matters unless you tlak to him and get on the same page. Does he understand your frustration? If so, and if he's cool w/ you not going to every event- then great! But if he isn't cool - then this is more an issue w/ your DH than it is his family.
Have the two of you tried to invite just his parents over to your house for dinner? You don't have to leave it to them to plan everything, and if yo udo it on your turf, hopefully you'll have more control.
Oh, and as far as the mom/kid thing goes - I've never been a "swooner" either and I think I make a pretty good mom.
ANd an over abundance of baby/kid talk gets really, REALLY boring. So I feel you on that too.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
these. i'm not a mom. sure babies are cute but i can handle about 15 minutes of talk about poop and then i'm done.
and of course you dont ahve to go to all of these things-but what you do have to do is what you're doing-when you do go be nice-you seem to have that down.
have you ever tried to talk to them about something other than babies? make it a lighthearted talk=books, movies, new restaurant in town etc.... why wait for them to make the convo? you start one.
also i have a feeling yuor DH knows none of this. is that correct?
I tried to talk to DH. I told him I didn't want to go and he said that was ok with him, but he won't go then either. Its not a family get together unless his family (me) is there. He's a great guy.
So I feel like I"m taking him away from his family just because I want my space again. We are discussing not attending the family vacation this Christmas because I"m pregnant and the OB appointments are already taking me away from work at least once a month in the beginning and taking more time off for vacation is just a bad idea. ... So he's not going on vacation either
I want him to go. But I can't get him to. .... The thought just now occurred to me that maybe HE doesn't want to deal with his family alone lol. oh boy...
This is something I have not tried, nor did the thought ever occur to me. I'm going to give this a try. Since my first post - the family "talk" and big dinner has been rescheduled for tonight. I'll try tonight.
I like the idea of inviting my in laws over for dinner. We closed on the house two weeks ago and will be moving in hopefully this weekend. As soon as the place is clean and the furniture is set I'll do just that. I miss that.
That is a great idea. Thank you.
To the above - I had to LOL.
There might be some truth to this! But past that - don't let his saying "I won't go either" make you feel you HAVE to go. He's an adult. He's capable of making decisions for himself. If you're staying home means he stays home too- then so be it. HIS CHOICE. It's not your job to navigate his relationship w/ his family.
Even more so with the vacation. Going to dinner at their house alone is one thing, going on a full fledged vacation w/o you is another. My DH and I like to vacation together. He's taken 2 vacations w/o me (with friends) and he had a blast, but after the 2nd one, he realized that he really likes to go w/ ME. Then add in the family aspect? I know for a fact that my DH would never go on a vacation w/ his family w/o me! Doing a long weekend w /them together is trying enough as it is.
If your DH is content to not go on this family vacation, then don't go just to "make" him go! Again - it's not your job to navigate his relationsihp w/ his family.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
a few more bits of "my opinion"
avoid talking about politics and religion...find other adult conversations to have such as recipes/food, deocrating, shopping, vacations, your work, their work.
Show interest in the kids. Make sure you greet them "hey cutie" and squeeze their foot. Or say to the mom's "oh I love their hairbows (or darling socks). Are they all babies...if not ask them "what are you being for Halloween" "what are you learning in school". These people are into their kids so if you are too then they'll be into you. I'm not suggesting you turn into "OMG I LOVE KIDS AND PUPPIES AND RAINBOWS" but just little gestures.
You can totally sit some of these out and not feel bad, you are married, not surgically joined at the hip. It doesn't sound like you are trying to avoid his family, you just need some space..I hear ya!
Its funny, my family with kids is WAY different than his. I have a giant extended family with tons of babies and toddlers...but when we get together the kids go off and play and adults talk...the kids are always within our sight but its kinda nice, we actually visit with one another while the kids occupy themselves (babies obv are with the grownups but its not a huge deal). His family, on the other hand, makes the children the focal point for our marathon get together s...we're talking 9+ hours on Thanksgiving...of "oohhhh, ahhhh" , cartoons on TV and toys EVERYWHERE. Im like, "cant they go in the basement for a movie and let us relax for a minute?" hang in there girl..we all go through it and ive def. bowed out, i told my husband, im exhausted and need a little time to myself..hes cool and goes solo.
good luck
Seriously?
You just went ON and ON and ON about how uncomfortable and bored you are because of the conversations at these parties, but YOU have not once tried to MAKE CONVERSATION?
I dont know if your too shy or too entitled, but you seem to be holding onto a large amount of resentment at these people for not including you, when YOU cannot be bothered to do the same thing.
Look, I get that there seems to be a large number of HIS family events to participate in, because there is a huge number of people to throw events for. So pick specific events, like "no birthdays, but baptisms/confirmations/graduation" and run with it. This will set a precedent.
But do not dismiss these people out hand for somethign that you cannot seem to do either.