Relationships
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
He has ADHD
I just discovered, that my honey was diagnosed with ADHD. He hasn't been taking his medication for it. because he doesn't have insurance. So, this explains why he gets angered easy, tends to forgets things, loses focus, etc.
Any information or insight that you can give me I would appreciate!
On the plus side, He goes to gym on a regular basis, he runs at the gym. I read that is good for ADHD, and the excess energy.
Re: He has ADHD
Hi there! My ex had ADD, so it is like ADHD (i.e. lack of focus, forgetting things, etc...) without the hyperactivity (i.e. running). When living with someone with ADD, you need to be really patient. You need to accept that when asking him to go grocery shopping he will come back with everything but food, or that he will start making a sandwich in the kitchen but then walk away before it is made (or eaten)... Little things that helped in the daily life (i.e. grocery shopping, food preparation, etc...) was to do things in short bursts (5-10min) and making lists. Also electronic reminders are really helpful. For the excess of energy, exercising is the best way to deal with that.
But most importantly, you'll really have to be patient!! I can't emphasis this enough. For the little story, one day my ex calls me saying that he'll meet me a front of the restaurant in 5 minutes... I waited 2 hours because as he walked out of the house, he got distracted by the laundry. While cleaning up the laundry he found an old video game so he started playing, and then as he was (finally) walking over while listening to music he also got distracted and walked too far, so he had to turn back.
As a "sufferer" of ADHD here's my advice/nuggets of knowledge:
Medication isn't always necessary, and I'm not all anti-meds or anything like that - but full body stimulants aren't something to take lightly.
I agree with the advice from pps about patience and tolerance
It's nice to know that there are understanding people out there.
Avoid caffeine and sugar, obviously.
I cannot emphasize enough how important it is for your husband to get a full night of quality rest - it takes more effort for us to do simple tasks that require focus, and that can make it impossible if we're tired.
I take supplements of the B vitamins and I've noticed that I can focus better throughout the day when I take them regularly. It works better than the temporary energy/focus boost from caffeine.
Also, my parents made this following mistake a lot- There is something called "hyperfocus" that some people with ADHD and ADD are prone to. If I was deeply engaged in an activity (reading/writing/watching TV/videogames) and my parents would ask me do something - I would respond to them verbally and just keep on doing what I was doing. They would come back and hour or so later and yell at me, and I would have no clue what they were talking about. It's an easy thing to deal with, just make sure when you ask your husband something that he physically stops what he is doing and faces you/looks you in the eye and responds. He may or may not have this problem.
ADD and ADHD can vary in the severity of their effects on your lives - the important thing is for your husband to acknowledge that his brain just works different and he needs to make accomodations for that (lists/electronic remiders/short bursts of activity/etc).
Emotionally, it took me a long time to get over the thought that there was something "wrong" with me. I don't know if that could become an issue with him - but I suggest looking for that just in case.
Sorry for my long-winded post, but I hope some of it will be useful!