Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Potty Regression
Todd is 3 1/2 and has been in underwear since a week or two before his birthday. Overall he has done well, lots of accidents early on and fewer and fewer as the months have passed. We had a bad couple of weeks of poop accidents in early summer but none since. I don?t know that he?s ever gone more than 2 weeks without a pee accident, but most are of the ?little pee in the pants and then go use the potty? variety. This includes wearing underwear overnight and most of the past six months have involved no more than 1 or 2 bed accidents a month.
Until the last 2 weeks. All of the sudden we?ve been seeing multiple pee accidents a day, 2 poop accidents in the last two days and 4 or 5 bed accidents a week.
I have run out of vinegar from all of the laundry I did yesterday and I am having trouble keeping my patience with him over this.
I hate this age, so much.
Suggestions, commiserations, strategies all welcome.
Re: Potty Regression
Brody started going overnight again after being dry for a while. I just put him back in pullups at night. I am not a fan of him coming down in the middle of the night all wet and all of the laundry that goes with it. Once he's dry again consistently overnight we'll try again.
As for the other accidents, I would probably remind him more often. And if he pushed back for being reminded, I would then say "well, you've been having a lot of accidents lately, so for that reason I HAVE to remind you to take a break and go. When you have less accidents, I can stop reminding you again."
Yeah I hate that age too!
dd was PTed around 2 so we've had quite a few regressions. The first one was the worst and required going back to diapers. The rest we would institute a reward chart. She would get to put a sticker on it if she made it all day without an accident. Once she finished a row she could get a treat (candy of some sort). Usually by the time we finished a chart she was back on track. Next time she would have a regression we would do it again.
We have also threatened going to pull-ups if she is being difficult. She doesn't want that so it was a motivator. I think we did make her wear them once last year during a particular bad spell. I just couldn't take any more accidents in one day!! But it's wear a pull up for the rest of the day and back to underwear the next to start fresh.
i will say dd usually regresses because of some change going on. Every time a teacher changed at daycare or she moved rooms she would regress. These past 2 years have been frustrating because she was so easy to train at first but we would have regressions so often. But she is stubborn and strong willed and she uses it as her control!
Ditto the others on reminding him more. Also, has there been any changes going on for him? Mason's regressions are usually binky related - and each time I could connect it to a change going on (when Garrett was born, new daycare room, etc.).
As for night time, Mason is dry through the night 99% of the time, but I still have him wear something to bed (usually a diaper, since we already have them for Garrett). Of course, I'm lazy, so for me, buying pull ups would be the way lesser evil compared to cleaning up a pee accident and the doing the extra laundry.
I think the thing that is hardest about this age is that it is so hard to find any motivator that works consistently. I?ve considered the idea that he only gets an evening treat from his Halloween bag if he stays dry all day or getting some new character underwear that he can?t have until he stays dry for a few days. But I?m not sure if he can deal with delayed gratification. But, we will give it a shot ? thanks for the commiseration Luckystar.
And I wish that just ?making him go? was reasonable. Here is how some of these ?accidents? go:
I see Todd holding himself or doing the potty dance. I suggest he go use the potty, he refuses. I remind him that big boys use the potty and that having an accident makes mommy sad. I insist that he go. He refuses. A few minutes later I can see a small area of pee on his pants. I carry him upstairs. I try to wrangle a flailing 3-year old onto the potty with a 50/50 success rate. He either refuses to sit and pees in his pants or he sits, doesn?t pee and then pees in his new pair of pants.
When DH ?makes him go?, he will actually stand at the potty but cries the whole time as if he?s being tortured.
It is totally a 3-year old issue. He has control. He either doesn?t want to stop what he?s doing to use the potty or he doesn?t want to be told to use the potty or he just wants to see what happens if he doesn?t use the potty. Or he?s just trying to see how insane he can drive us. Yesterday morning?s bed accident was after he was already awake when DH asked him to play in his room until we were up.
I?ve thought about getting cloth training pants for overnight. No way am I buying more pull-ups or diapers.
Yeah Amy dd was the same way. Makes me kind of laugh at the idea of "making" her go potty more often!! I can't make dd do that!
one thing I would do is really tell her that if she has an accident it takes up more time. She wouldn't want to stop playing to go potty but cleaning up an accident takes more time. And I'd give her chances but sometimes I would have to tell her that if she had another accident we would leave the playground or her friends house, whatever the place. And sometimes I was caught off guard without an extra change of clothes so we definitely had to leave places because of accidents!
I think you just have to try some different things to see what the motivator is. Dd loves stickers so the sticker reward chart was up her alley. But it took some time to see results.
Sometimes Brody doesn't want to go to the potty either. Either I bribe him with an M&M or fruit snacks OR he doesn't get to go out to play/help daddy with whatever/do what he wants to do. Actions have consequences - so if he wants to see what happens when he doesn't use the potty, usually that would come with negative consequences. Make him help you clean up, strip the bed, walk the stuff down to the washer. Brody's also big into being a "big boy" (he just turned 3), so I would probably use that, too. "Big boys don't pee/poop in their pants".
Just commiseration. We're having at least one nightly accident per week, sometimes as many as three. And when he does wake to go at night, he usually feels the need to wake me as well, even though there are nightlights on all over the place and he *can* do it alone. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather the sleep interruption over the laundry and mess but I will be glad to be through this.
If I saw him holding himself or dancing (and he was having frequent accidents), I would immediately carry him upstairs. I would not ask him to go to the potty, have him refuse and then have an accident.
Then we would have a talk and I would tell him that I needed to carry him up because he is having too many accidents and waiting too long to go. And that if he wanted me to stop interrupting his play and carrying him up, that he would have to stop having accidents. I would rinse and repeat until the behavior stops.
Everyone's parenting style and kids are different, though.
We didn't have problems with DD refusing to go potty, but we do the coin chart that lala suggested for behavior and it helped a lot. DD is very heavily rewards driven. And she hates having to "pay" for not listening or cooperating.
I agree three and a half sucks sometimes. Sometimes DD is the sweetest girl ever and so much fun. She's great to her brother, eager to please and in a great mood. And then 3 seconds later she's an obstinate, defiant, tantruming heathen.
This is dd! It's exhausting, really. You never know who your gonna get.
I tend to lean this way in the stubborn potty behavior. EJ would do this at times. And I would just turn off the tv, or take her to the bathroom when I knew she had to go and she wouldn't go. The hard part with her is she can go like 3 times a day and be fine. so I easly forget to pay attention to those trips. Heck, she wakes up and waits an hour to go to the bathroom! But I am more likely to be lenient on other issues than skipping a trip to the bathroom in favor of me doing more laundry.
Even now she forgets to go, tells me her belly hurts and I remind her to go potty.
totally depends on the kid because this doesn't fly with dd. I can't force her to go potty. I've tried! I will ask and remind her and if she is willing she will go. But when she is in a regression she is fighting for control and she will fight me. I've tried carrying her into the bathroom and making her sit on the potty and it is impossible. If she doesn't want to do it she will flail around like a maniac and can't even get her to stay on the potty much less go potty.
Yeah, this strategy would have worked with Heather and it will work for DH with DS, but it won't work for DS with me. He gives me a much harder time.
Lucky, Lala and Amy - Thanks for the reminder about the coin chart. I looked at it when it was posted, but at that point I was considering it for bedtime issues and Heather's poor behavior. Both of those have gotten better, so I didn't try it. Maybe that would help us.
I appreciate everyone's comments. There was one time that I was prepping to make zucchini bread and T started doing the potty dance. I told him that if he had an accident, we wouldn't have time to make zucchini bread before bedtime...and he zoomed upstairs to pee. It is just hard to find such motivating factors all the time!
Yes, this. Exactly.