Family Matters
Golden42
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Tactful Way to Handle This
My company is affiliated with another company, who recently advertised a job opening. MIL is bugging me to drop a line to them about giving BIL an interview. The job is somewhat related to his degree. However, BIL is not, to put it politely, very responsible. He isn't a bad person, but not someone I would want as an employee. I don't want to put his name in and have my credibility go down because he turns out to be a bad employee. Any ideas as to how to handle this?
Re: Tactful Way to Handle This
I have had similar requests from former co-workers and friends.
I first tell them how to apply, then they have to take the initiative to actually apply.
If he does and you are asked by the hiring manager, be honest. "Gosh, Hiring Manager, he's a really great BIL, but to be honest, I've never worked with him and wouldn't feel comfortable saying one way or the other".
You're being honest, without putting your reputation on the line. Then if MIL/BIL ask if you know what's going on, just say you haven't really heard.
If he actually does, it's very fair to say "yes, he's my BIL but I've never worked with him and can't speak to abilities as an employee".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
MIL asked you. But did BIL? Maybe MIL is sticking her nose in where BIL doesn't want her to. If BIL asks you, I would say he should apply and leave it at that.
Excellent point. I say that if she brings it up again you can tell her that bil can call you if hes interested. She's butting in here.
This sounds like a good plan. It isn't a stretch to say I haven't heard anything, since I only go there once a month for status meetings, and they wouldn't be talking about that stuff. I'll give BIL the contact info and let him work it out.
DH is in the recruiting industry and MIL is always pushing for him to set up BIL with any position. Like yours BIL I like how you put it - is not very responsible (to say the least).
I feel as if DH handled the situation very well - by giving the information needed to BIL for him to apply on his own, but letting MIL know he does not feel comfortable putting his name on the chopping block due to past actions.
If your BIL is anything like mine MIL should understand this with really no hurt feelings.
This is so counterproductive. All it does it give her the impression that she can put her two cents into anything/everything.
There is nothing wrong with actually saying something along the lines of "Im sorry MIL, but I have a strict policy of keeping my work and family life seperate."
IF MIL and BIL cannot accept that, then its on them. I get that nepotism runs rampant and is a major force of employment, but that doesnt mean you should put YOUR reputation at risk. Will BIL be able to help YOU if it doesnt work out?
I disagree with this approach. Why lie to your MIL unnecessarily?
Instead, just tell her to have BIL contact you if he's interested.
IF he contacts you, give him the name and address of the person he should contact. IF he actually applies, and IF you are asked by your company to vouch for him, then you can handle it as mentioned in replies above.
No need to dirty your hands by lying, for Pete's sake!
I had a situation like this come up a few years ago with a roommate. She wanted to know if there was ever an opening at my job to let her know. She wasn't exactly the greatest roommate, and I had never really seen her in action in work, so I did not want to be a reference.
I told her when something came open and then told her how to apply, but other than that stayed out of it. I did what I said I would personally do...the rest is up to the people in charge of hiring!
(I did have to tell her I had never really worked with her so I wouldn't feel comfortable being a reference....so..)
It's a horrible economy. Give your BIL a hand. You don't reference age, but if he's young, give him a chance to grow. You don't have to put your rep on the line. You can just contact the hiring person and say, "My BIL has applied for this position and I told him I would put a word in for him. I don't know much about his work ethic or if he would be a good fit, but he does have a related degree and he's certainly a wonderful brother-in-law. I'm sure you're inundated with resumes, but I'm hoping you'll just allow him to interview."
Your job is done, your loyalty to your family fulfilled, no one's rep is on the line, and the economy claims one less victim.
Exactly this.