Relationships
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Husbands bad health decesions
When I met my husband he was already heavy so this isn't about that, it's more about the health issues that come with it. I've always been health conscious, I don't smoke, I rarely drink and I know when enough is enough when it comes to food. On the other side my husband smokes heavily, drinks often and now is medically considered obese. He has no will power when it comes to healthy decisions. I feel like I'm being pushy when it comes to his health. I feel that he thinks when I bring it up he thinks I want him to lose weight for vanity reasons and not health. I can't even get him to talk to a doctor about it for advise. How do I get him to take his health seriously before it's too late? I feel bad because sometimes I think why do I take care of myself for him if he won't for me, I'm sure if I was over weight and didn't care it would bother him too. I need some advise.
Re: Husbands bad health decesions
You can't, unfortunately. You have zero control over him and his decisions. The one thing you can do is model healthy behavior. Do you exercise? Eat healthy? Share in the cooking responsibilities?
Also you are taking care of yourself for YOU. He needs to learn how to take care of himself for himself.
Correct. Also, OP - according to your ticker you've been married about a month. Why is this suddenly an issue? You are the same people you were before you got married. I imagine he didn't become obese and start smoking in the last 30 days, right? Did you expect him to suddenly the see the light once the vows were said?
You married him knowing full well the way he treated his body and the poor decisions he makes. Marriage won't change that. You won't change that. Only he can. You can absolutely encourage him along the way and actively participate in making your household a healthy one. But he must make the decision to change his behaviors.
For what it's worth, my husband and I both currently smoke. Of course I have plans to quit in the near future (if it's not a successful New Years resolution, the plan is to quit when we start TTC!). But, if I can successfully quit and my husband can't, I'm not going to hold it over his head. He's a big boy, he makes his choices. Of course there will be stipulations, i.e. no smoking in front of our children. But outside of that, he makes the choice. And I made the choice to marry him knowing full well this is a possibility.
All of us who want to lose a few pounds know that no prodding or pleading or threats can make us lose weight: We have to want to do it for ourselves.
Same goes for your H: he needs to go on a diet and lose weight because he wants to do it.
What you can do: Start cooking healthier meals. More vegetables and less meat --- more salads and more broiling vs. frying.
You also cannot get him to stop smoking: again, he has to be the one to decide to stop and as you know, smoking is a notoriously difficult habit to kick.
From here on in, bring up nothing. It's also liable to put quite the rift into your relationship.
You and he can also sign up for an active activity that you and he can do together:
Ballroom dancing
Co-ed martial arts
Learn to play tennis
Biking
and good ole fashioned walking.
To tell you the truth, if his smoking, imbibing in alcohol and weight bothered you before you were married, then you should have moved on if what you wanted was a nonsmoking rarely drinking or abstaining from alcohol thin guy. As you can see, if it bothered you before the wedding, it will after you are married, too. Marrying him wasn't going to turn him into a lean and mean nonsmoker and nondrinker.
Jemma, try the book 21 Days to Stop Smoking from the Cancer Society. It really helped my H when he quit almost two years ago now. You can get it from Amazon. It shows you the million excuses you give yourself to just have another cigarette as well as detailing the day to day physical issues that you go through while quitting in the first three weeks.
From your post, it seems that you have already given yourself an out to not quit at New Years by saying "if it doesn't work" you will try to quit when you are TTC. I was a smoker for 10 years and my H for more than 20. The amount of stress quitting puts on you and your relationship is so great that I couldn't imagine trying to quit while TTC. If you got pregnant as quickly as we did, the hormones combined with withdrawal AND a cranky H would be unbearable. Not to mention how guilty you would feel if you did get pregnant and even had "just one". Also take a look at third hand smoke and the issues it can cause with newborns and future allergies and asthma ( I just learned about this myself recently). Good luck and stick with it when you do quit!!!
Ditto everything that is bolded.
His big plus:
Men lose weight faster than women since they are mostly muscle and little fat (little fat as compared to a woman).
Weight Watchers also gives men more food on program than the women get, for the fact that they are more muscle than fat.:)
Thanks Buddy! I appreciate the suggestion!!
You cant tell someone to "care" about their health. Either they do or they don't.
You said that he was overweight and un-healthy before you all got married so if it bothers you so bad why did you marry him? Did you think that all of a sudden he would change?
You can continue to communicate how you feel but this has to be something HE wants to change.
GL.