Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
cheating.....Am I over reacting?How do I get over this? sorry really long.
My fiance and I have been together for 2 years now.When we first started dating I cheated after 2 weeks.Just kissing at a bar. I had wanted an open relationship at the time and didn't think we were getting serious. We got past that and he forgave me. Then 1 year into our relationship I got an email from a girl, with pictures of text messages he had sent her. It was an old fling he used to have, just a girl he would hookup with after breakups, kind of his fallback girl. The text messages were from the night before when he went out with his friends. They said things like,"I'm sorry please talk to me, I don't know why I always feel this way when it comes to you. Brittany please I love you. Please talk to me.I just wish I was getting as much attention from you as your giving that guy."
I immediatly confronted him about them and just cried as I yelled at him. He said her was sorry and that it meant nothing. He said he was drunk and didn't feel like that about her. He kept saying he loved me but I couldn't be with him so I spent the night at a friends house.
I asked the girl if this was the first time. she said no that they have always talked, mostly as friends but it had recently started to get more serious. He would vent to her about our relationship. Telling her that all we do is argue and fight all the time, that we never have sex and the only reason he stayed with me is because we bought a car together and my parents got him his job. She said that he asked to hangout with her while I was out of town but they never hungout. They hadn't even seen eachother in over a year. So the relationship was mostly just text messages.
I did finally talk to him about everything and told him if he really loved her, I would hold him back from being with her. I want you to be happy and don't want you to think you have to stay with me. He said he loved me and that he wanted to work on our relationship. I asked him to write me a letter on why he thinks we should stay together and why he loves me. I think it really helped and I agreed to stay with him.
It has been a year now since this happened but I haven't fully gotten over it. Our relationship is a lot better now and we have grown from the unpleasant experience. I just can't help but be insecure about myself now. I caught myself checking his phone and emails to see if he still talks to her, or any girl intimately. I feel horrible doing it but I don't fully trust him anymore. I feel like im expecting him to cheat now. I don't know how to get over this.
I love him very much, but The situation hurt me so much more because he said he loved her.Plus I did so much more when I cheated, but now that we're in love it just killed me.
If you have any advice please share. =]
Re: cheating.....Am I over reacting?How do I get over this? sorry really long.
First of all:
Open up another account and do NOT use your email address as a screen name: you're wide open to nutcases, spammers, solicitors, spambots and other undesirables. Privacy means everything.
Your FI is not a great guy. You were not in an exclusive relationship so you did not "cheat" -- wtf? he "forgave" you?
Methinks you should have run like hell there and then. He's not your lord and master; as it stood as of then, he was a guy you were very casually dating. You should have realized there and then he was bad news and not boyfriend material.
At one year? That's another story -- when you found out another girl was in the picture, you needed to say goodbye to him. Why do you want a guy who is seeing you and somebody else??? he's supposed to be exclusively dating you.
How nice of him; he is telling tales out of school...yet you still stayed with him:
He would vent to her about our relationship. Telling her that all we do is argue and fight all the time, that we never have sex and the only reason he stayed with me is because we bought a car together and my parents got him his job
How come you didn't say goodbye right there? you like being somebody's second choice?
BTW, you should have been positively livid that he disclosed anything that happened between you and he. Why is this okay with you? Why didn't you tell him to get lost there and then?
Get rid of him and do it now. He's not marriage material; he's shown you he is undependable, cannot be trusted, is NOT ready for a committment, cannot keep a confidence and he's probably having sex with this Brittany chick. Most likely he's also very heavily involved with this Brittany, also. And he's still in contact with her; I guarantee you that he's still in touch with her.
And he told her "I love you." When is enough enough?
Cancel the wedding and say goodbye. There are too many problems to count in this sad and sorry "relationship." Why are you interested in marrying a guy who has made it clear you are not his one and only?
PS: a 2016 wedding date, really? Tell me you're kidding. Nobody gets engaged and plans a wedding 4 years in advance.
How old are you guys? You sound very young. You need to be with someone that you can trust completely, and you checking his phone and email is inappropriate and shady on your end (would you want him to do that to you?) and you feeling the need to do it is shady on his end. Good thing you're not married yet.
If you are going to go through with the wedding, you need to get over this, completely. Otherwise you are going to hold this over his head forever and your marriage isn't going to work.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
The "he forgave me" part was particularly winsome.
What a guy.
OP: you have no reassurance Brittany is out of the picture. Let this jerk go -- you will forever be walking on eggs around him and you'll be under one hell of a sword of Damocles wondering "is he cheating again?"
I generally think when both people have cheated before you're even married, and a year after the cheating has ended there are still trust issues, that getting married is a bad, bad, bad idea.
If I were you, I'd get out and work on rebuilding my self esteem and stay single for a while.
Geez! Wasn't that enough??? Like they said, do I need to draw you a picture?
I agree with this completely. He told another woman he loved her. I don't care if he was drunk. No man who loves his girlfriend tells another girl that he loves her. I understand that you have "worked past this" but it's been a year and you still don't trust him. You probably never will.
You need to sit down with him and tell him that you still have trust issues. Either the two of you go to counseling to work through it or you say your goodbyes. But I agree 100% with the poster who said you do not get married until you have discussed/gotten past this.
And 2016?? Really?? Why are you having a 4 year engagement?
Tough one....if yall both wanna work through it...then work on it...prayer and counseling