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aaaand I got one more question for you...
I have this other friend who has "wedding fever". She's in her mid 30's and single. It's her mission this year to find a husband. She's been going on lots of dates through online dating sites. And unfortunately she never gets past a second date. I don't know why, but that's the trend.
But EVERY guy she goes out on one date with I have to hear about how he could be "the one" and how they have so much in common, and such chemistry that I just can't even fathom it! Lol. She talks about the kind of wedding she wants, and what their kids would look like. It's difficult to be excited for her each week with a different guy (or two). When I tell her to just take it slow, try to get to a 5th date before envisioning future kids, she gets upset and says I'm not being supportive.
What's a nice way to tell her to chill out, or tell her I'm not interested in hearing about these guys until it's more than just one date?
Re: aaaand I got one more question for you...
Thanks to you both for the input. Perhaps I phrased it wrong. It's not that it's a bother to hear her stories, I do enjoy hearing about her dates.... but I worry that she keeps getting hurt. She builds up every guy so highly after just one date, only to be very disappointed when they don't call. I guess my question is how do I be a BETTER supportive friend while she goes through these trials and errors of dating. And is there any advice I can give her to help her put these dates into perspective. I think it's a bit unhealthy for her how she gets her hopes so high, then gets so depressed after each encounter.
My Blog:Through My Eyes
If you're looking for advice to give her I've got a few suggestions.
The Good news: She obviously has a good dating profile, she's probably cute, successful etc. Otherwise she wouldn't be getting lots of dates from the various sites shes using. The nice thing about dating websites is they suggest people based on interests. So VOILA! You get men who are interested in at least some of the same things as her. Also most suggest people who are interested in the same life goals, marriage, kids etc. So most likely she is meeting men interested in eventually getting married.
The Bad news: Every guy who likes hiking or bike riding or whatever it is she likes that the site matched them up together is not a match made in heaven. Perhaps your friends eagerness to get married is blinding her from seeing that some of these men are not such a good match.
You should probably investigate: Is she bringing up marriage or children on the first dates??? Is she being overly eager? Calling first thing the next day, texting constantly. If she is that eager she may be raising "crazy" flags to these men. I'm not saying she has to play games with these guys. Sending a text later saying "thanks for dinner, it was fun. Let me know if you're available next week." There are good ways to let someone know you're interested without going crazy. I suspect this is the case if non of these guys are sticking around after 2 dates.
Good luck!
Have you written about this friend before? It sounds kind of familiar.
this seems like its turned into a smile and nod situation. Just listen to her stories. She asks a question or starts complaining and insisting on feedback just say something along the lines of " I'm here to listen and be a friend whatever happens" "I'm happy when you're happy" "the journey to find the one is worth it" "you'll know when you meet him, it's clear you haven't met him yet if you don't want another date". Thats the best I could come up with for now. Sorry. I know you don't want her to get hurt but no matter what you do you can't stop it. That's just who she is.
Yes, I wrote about her before (she is the girl who went for a weekend trip in the wilderness with some guy as a first date...and he's one of those who didn't call for a second date). I worry about her, cause I care about her. It seems like she has no clue how to approach dating. I keep watching her make the same mistakes over and over (although that one was by far the worst). I wish there was a way to help her, but I also know there's a limit to what I can do about this.
Anyway, those sayings are actually perfect!!
Thank you! They are supportive and optimistic without getting too into the nitty gritty about WHY this one or that one didn't call. I'm definitely going to try those out.
there's an awesome book called Date Like a Man or something like that. I found it really helpful when I was dating. It's so easy for women to fall into the trap of "oh, is this the one?" when really when you're dating you should be discerning whether they are a good match for you. I do think you need to have a gentle talk with her that perhaps she's coming across as desperate (although you probably wouldn't use those words LOL)/
Are you talking about the book "Act like a lady, think like a man"?
TTC since September 2012
no, I searched Amazon and found it: http://www.amazon.com/Date-Like-Man-Dating-Afraid/dp/0060932910
She shouldn't be "searching for a husband" she should be searching for a partner. It sounds to me like she is SO focused on marriage that she will probably never get there. Was she happy as a single gal? Or is she one of those girls that jumps from relationship to relationship and can't be happy on her own (reminds me of people I know)?
I'm betting she is scaring them off. Either she is talking marriage and kids on the first date or she is thinking they are "so perfect" that she's jumping into bed with them. There has to be a reason that NONE of these guys has wanted a second date. I would try to find this out from her in a polite way and then try to advise her to just relax, take it one day at a time, and get to know the guy. She needs to focus on just talking with them and learning about them, not focus on if they would be a good husband. lol I'm betting her dates (from the guys point of view) are coming off as an audition for the guy to see if he meets her husband criteria and that is a HUGE turnoff.
Do you think you could sit down and tell her you're worried that she is being disappointed (not getting second dates) even though she really likes these guys? That you want to help her get that all important second date? To ask her details as to what they talked about during the date???? Would she be receptive to that?
THIS. I think she does talk marriage and kids on the first date (or even in emails before the actual date happens!). I've set her up with guy friends in the past who broke up with her after a few weeks, and later told me they got the "crazy" vibe.
She is way too clingy. I'll recommend her some of those books mentioned in posts above...perhaps they will give her some good strategies to apply to these guys. 
As for talking to her, I have tried to talk about being realistic when it comes to these dates. And all the tips I give her don't seem to be put to use...not that I'm a know-it-all or anything. She doesn't seem to like my advice, but yet she keeps asking for it, and wanting to talk at great length about every detail of her dating life.I do love her romantic optimism, but it just her to trouble. It's been so long since I've been on a "first date" that I kind of forget the dating game to be honest.
Thanks everyone, I feel like I have some fresh ideas to approach her with now.
That'sa big help!