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would you rehash the past or let it go?
I'll try to keep it short and summarize:
I still think about an ex-friend pretty often. Things fell apart during her wedding, and we ended our friendship. I got married a year later and received some really mean emails from her sister saying that this girl couldn't believe she was not invited to my wedding. (We were no longer friends at that point, but ok). Anyway, I still feel some guilt about this, because I guess in hindsight I could have invited her. I know it hurt her because I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. But she treated me like total crap throughout her wedding planning, and the entire wedding weekend. It was one of those things where you enter a room, and you can just FEEL that you were being talked about, and she put me and my relationship down the whole weekend after we spent a lot of money to fly across the country to be there for her big day.
Anyway, I recently googled her to see what she's been up to, and I found a blog that she has and she's written MULTIPLE posts about me. Well, not me by name, but I am sure she's referring to me. It's a lot of smack talk, but I also see a lot of hurt in there. I feel it too...that we never really had good closure.
Would you reach out to her? Or just leave it be? Honestly I don't think we can be friends again after how she made me feel, and I guess how "Scarred" she is for not being invited to my wedding. Part of me just wants to apologize for my part in it all, and wish her the best. But I'm not sure what more can come of it. Is it even worth it? If I write, I worry I'll get my head ripped off. lol.
Re: would you rehash the past or let it go?
That's really up to you to know what is right. by opening it up like that, you do welcome more crap. However, you could also find that closure.
I had a friend that I lost a few years ago. Big blow up. I missed her a lot, we had been absolutely joined at the hip. I sent her an email, telling her that I was rash in ending our friendship the way I did. I did not expect anything to come from the apology other than her knowing I was sorry for my part of it. We ended up meeting for coffee and became friends again in time. Like nothing had every happened after a couple months. We have since drifted and no longer speak, but speaking from this experience, if it was a simple approach like that, it could be okay.You just have to expect the other negative reaction at the same time and be prepared to let it go and move on without pushing it further.
Just leave it be. I mean what did you do to her to feel so bad you are the one apologizing? It sounds like she is the one who treated you poorly and you had enough and cut off ties with her.
I had a group of friends who did something similar to me. I was a wild child at the time and pretty depressed. I did and said things to offened them but they never told me when it happened, or shortly after. Instead they kept me around as a friend and used me to get what they wanted from me. I found out they didn't like me because they told me. They had been talking smack about me behind my back and told me this too. I apologized for everything I did wrong, stopped talking to them and cut ties. One did eventually reach out to me years later a couple of times and we are on ok terms. We don't call, text or email anymore. I'm not sure where I stand with this friend.
The second friend just faded away. When the first one reached out to me I would ask about friend 2 because she was in an abusive relationship. I knew from the start and tried vocalizing my concern but wasn't listened too. She got out of that relationship safely and I have since tried reconnecting with her a few times (because I think she just went along with the other just because). She doesn't seem interested so I stopped trying.
The third friend was the worst. After the friendship ended she sent a horrible email about me to my bf, now H. She alienated a guy friend of ours who took my side. The unfortinate thing is her boyfriend at the time was very good friends, pretty much bffs, with our guy friend. The bf took her side and the friendship ended poorly. They eventually broke up. I am now in contact with the ex-boyfriend and on very good terms.
Sorry that is so long. Very sorry. These basically are examples. You can try reaching out and apologizing but don't get your hopes up. Especially if she is still bitter and hurt after all this time. I personally wouldn't if she is writing hurtful or nasty things about you.
My relationship with my best friend has not been the same since my wedding. I try and try to make it better and cry at times over it. My DH has told me to just let her be. I didn't listen and ended up getting hurt when she was not receptive to me. I finally let her be and even though I miss her, I'm overall in a happier place.
If you think that you did something wrong, I would apologize and don't expect anything back in return.
TTC since September 2012
If you don't think it will lead to anything other than you feeling less guilty then leave it be. Chalk it up to a life lesson. She was a *** to you and never once apologized for the way she treated you so I fail to see why you should apologize for not inviting her when your reason for doing so was HER actions.
It SUCKS to lose a friend, especially a close one. Trust me....I have been there a number of times. Had a very similar situation to yours where this girl was a COMPLETE bridezilla for MONTHS leading up to her big day, treated us like her minions and expected us to be at her side every moment and do everything she requested. The day after the wedding another BM and I spent the entire car ride home (2 hours or so) bitching about her. My friendship with her ended after that. There was never a "thank you for helping me with the invites" or "thank you for being there on my big day" or anything. She was an ungrateful biatch and didn't deserve me as a friend....pretty sure this is your situation too. Move on and be friends with people who DO value you.
End rant. lol
Yep, after sleeping on it, I realized it's not worth dragging up the past with this girl.
She was extremely toxic, even before our friendship ended. Any time we had a disagreement, she would twist my words around and make me out to be this awful person. I don't need that. I'm sure she would do the same even with an apology. Come to think of it, she's caused me a lot of anxiety over the years. Obviously she still harbors these ridiculous feelings about me (as I gather reading through her blog). I don't even know why I was tempted to open that door again. This whole blog thing just makes me realize I made the right choice when I decided to move on from her.
She treated you like crap and then wrote smack talk blog posts about you? I get she is hurt, but there is a level of maturity missing don't you think?
Yeah you could have invited her to your wedding, but since she hadn't contacted you in a nice or apologetic way you thought you guys weren't friends anymore.
My advice is to only contact people that you would be open to being friends with again. It sounds like this person isn't it. I am not sure if she will have the maturity to deal with an apology or a "wishing you the best" message from you.