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Boyfriend Issues
My boyfriend and I have been best friends and off and on dating for about 8 years. In April of last year we broke up for about a month and we both saw other people during that time. After the month we decided to get back together and since then we havent broken up. However, now he wont open up to me or express himself to me because I broke up with him. Him not opening up is really affecting our relationship. It makes me upset and then i get on his case about opening up. What should I do? Sometimes i feel like giving up and ending it, but i know that i love him and that i would regret that.
Also, my boyfriend goes to college 2 1/2 hours away while i live at home and go to school here. He comes home every other weekend and we talk all the time, correction, he texts me all the time. Should i be worried that he doesnt make an effort to call or skype me?
I just need some advice.
Re: Boyfriend Issues
Whether you are dating or married, communication is key.
It's key in every relationship, whether it's the one with your boyfriend, your spouse or your friends, your parents, your colelge profs, your boss, etc. Without it, you've got nothing.
This is also your first boyfriend. There are many more guys out there and that's what you need to do: find one who knows what communication is and one who doesn't clam up and say nothing.
And any guy who just texts you?
Don't ask me what I think of that -- to me, this is NOT a boyfriend. This is, at very best, some kind of acquaintanceship. A guy who is in a decent relationship with his girlfriend will do much more than text you: he'd be spending nearly all of his time with you, when he can -- and when he's away from you, he will make every effort to keep in touch with you very often.
Find another guy. He's not worth your big toe.
And find a guy who is closer. YOu don't need somebody who is that far away. His behavior and treatment of you is not acceptable.
It very well cold be that this relationship is over -- and he doesn't want to be the bad guy by saying, "kperfect, it's not working out; I will be moving on". Guys won't do that -- they'll freeeze you out and treat you like some kind of nobody until you insist on a declaration of hate.
There's nothing here to love; do yourself a favor, say goodbye to him and find a guy who's far better --- and far closer; a guy you can see everyday --- than this one. He's wasting your time by gracing you with his texts. Let him keep them.
If he is hung up on something that happened in April of LAST year (over a year and a half ago) then maybe you should start questioning WHY he isn't over it. Or better yet, is that just his excuse not to make an effort in the relationship?
if he's unwilling to open up or express himself to you then perhaps he is just not fully attached to the relationship anymore. To be honest, it sounds a little like the relationship (for him) is of part-time status. He comes home every other weekend, he has a life away at school, he doesn't seem all that interested in sharing the details with you. I don't neccesarily think its weird that you don't call/Skype together (since I assume that you are young, and many young folks prefer to text) unless you've specifically requested or tried to and he refuses. In that case, I would question why he thinks casual texting is sufficient enough communication for people in a long-term relationship.
Maybe it is time to re-evaluate what it is that YOU want.
So my ex although a pain in the butt could be wonderfully insightful, he once said to me "Breaking up should never be an option, if you can picture yourself happier without that person then it's over." And that's the dating philosophy I used (obviously I don't recommend for marriage, just dating). You seem young from your post, you broke up with him for a reason, something doesn't feel right to you. I'd go with your gut with this one and try to find someone that fits you better. You can't entirely blame him, if you had trusted someone for 8 years and they one day said I don't want you and then a month later came back and said just kidding, there would definitely be trust issues.
p.s. I don't have an issue with the texting, I did long distance for a year with my H, I loathe talking on the phone. texting let us both have a life while staying in contact all day.
now, THAT'S unhealthy.