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DH loves his job, but its not helping us

My H works as a maintenance man for a local race track (auto racing). He does basic maintenance during the day and then does all their fire safety stuff during events so some days he works 15+ hours a day. But all this is during the summer, he gets laid off in the winter. His hourly rate is nothing great but with all the hours he works it adds up.

The problem is that he LOVES this job. I work an hour away, making very good money in a serious career. I have no problem with what H does for work, except that he is starting let it dictate the rest of our life. I was looking at houses and he informed me some that I chose were "too far from the track." I hate to think that he plans to base our life around a job that pays poorly and could close after one bad season, just because he likes it. Its not something he can make a career out of at all. He used to have a career in heating and cooling, and he was good at it, but the company went under. When I mention him looking into that field again, he says "No, I like my job." Its frustrating because it absolutely is not something he can do forever... or even for 5 more years.

 How do I encourage him to look beyond what he is currently doing, when he loves it so much? It really isn't stable, but all he cares about is that its fun and exciting. Meanwhile life is on hold because his unemployment pay isn't squat, and so we basically live off my salary.

Re: DH loves his job, but its not helping us

  • The only thing you can do is be encouraging and provide him with hard facts, not emotions based on fear, worry, etc.

    How old is he?

    I'd start by laying out some goals you have and a rough plan for the costs associated with them. Ask him what his goals are. You two should have a conversation about goals. He may not "get" how much kids or a house cost so if that's his goal, then he needs to do a change of course now.

    Also, I'd provide him with some economic data - state of the national and your local economy.

    All signs point to the economy getting worse, not better. So, he should try to find stable, non-seasonal work now.

     

  • I think you need to have an honest conversation about this with him. Go over the state of financial affairs. Come up with goals. Lay out the facts and also tell him that you resent having to be the breadwinner. That is just not fair.
  • I agree with PPs - have him lay out where he wants to be in 5 years, in 10 years etc. Maybe once you pull out long term goals he might see his current job won't sustain  him in the long term.
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  • I'm not sure I'd be trying to deter my DH from doing something he loves.  Sometimes the money should be secondary.  I also can't imagine my DH trying to tear me away from something I love.  If your DH can only do that job for about 5 more years, what'st the real harm?  I do get your concerns about the house, but that's more of a conversation issue than a problem.
  • This is a really difficult situation.  I read your post a few days ago and have been thinking about it.  My first reaction is never leave a job you love, no mater what the pay.  That's always been my motto when giving career advice.  

    That being said, if there is absolutely NO future in this for him then it might be a childhood dream going on too long.   

    If I were you I would try to get him to spell out a promotion path into a career in that field.  There is always a way to move forward in any company/industry- nobody starts at the top.  To do that he has to understand where he wants to go and how to get there, communicate his goals to his superiors, be open to constructive feedback and get a mentor in the industry.  I would motivate him to set clear career goals before I asked him to quit a job he loved. 

    If he can't set or stick to his goals it's simply time to move on.  


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  • If you CAN live off your salary, and you know his job won't last 5 more years.... what's the problem? You did say you make "very good money". Let him enjoy having a job he actually likes for a little while. Not many people get a chance to actually enjoy going to work. I'd be more concerned with talking to him about what he plans to do when that job fails, if it fails. It honestly sounds like you aren't very comfortable being a main bread winner. If you feel like he isn't contributing or you're worried he has no backup plan, talk about it honestly. But don't make it out like he's done something wrong or guilt trip him about it. There's nothing wrong with having an honest conversation about your future, and if you don't make him feel threatened, he ought to understand where you're coming from and be receptive.


  • imageLittleLady77:

    This is a really difficult situation.  I read your post a few days ago and have been thinking about it.  My first reaction is never leave a job you love, no mater what the pay.  That's always been my motto when giving career advice.  

    That being said, if there is absolutely NO future in this for him then it might be a childhood dream going on too long.   

    If I were you I would try to get him to spell out a promotion path into a career in that field.  There is always a way to move forward in any company/industry- nobody starts at the top.  To do that he has to understand where he wants to go and how to get there, communicate his goals to his superiors, be open to constructive feedback and get a mentor in the industry.  I would motivate him to set clear career goals before I asked him to quit a job he loved. 

    If he can't set or stick to his goals it's simply time to move on.  

     

    This is basically it. I had the chance to work for a different branch of my company in an area where there is a NASCAR track. I told DH, thinking he would be excited that he could do this same job on a much more professional scale, and he said "Naw, they send you away for training for months. I dont wanna do that." I was like ummm, what? There is no way he can advance at the place he is at because its a tiny local race track, there is not advancement. However, DH has a coworker who gets paid double what he does because he is a friend of the owners family. He tells me all the time "But look how much John makes!' I remind him the reason John makes that is because he has been there forever and is their friend. But he still believes he will be paid that much some day.

    When he's working, he's fine because he makes decent money. But the off season is horrible. I am paying for everything and he has had his third straight issues with unemployment (they jerk him around constantly for no reason). Im sick of him barely bringing home a dime, only to find out the state messed up again and now he has to wait two weeks for ANY kind of money.

    The other thing is that obviously racing depends on the weather. If they cancel because of rain, he doesnt get paid. If we have a crappy summer, he makes no money. That gets old VERY fast.

  • How old is he? I ask because DH and his friends owned a motocross track, but it was something they did for fun before they all got married and had kids and during the summer while they were in college the rest of the time. And, when you were planning your future together, did it not come up what his long term career would be? Or is it just now starting to bother you? The part about not wanting to go for training is the part that would bother me. My DH does not have a degree, but he worked his way up and makes good money and takes pride in what he is doing and pays for additional training whenever he has time to do it (he designs tool and die machines so he has to work a ton of hours). When I was making out my list of non-negotiables when I entered the dating world, pride in work was up at the top. They didn't have to be a hugely successful person, but be motivated. Work is such a huge part of your life and often your attitude towards it says a lot about your attitude towards other things.
  • When we got engaged he had been working in HVAC. He was doing that until this past spring when the company he was with had issues and laid him off. He had been working for fun at the racetrack on weekends, and was offered a full time job with them, which i was happy about. It was supposed to be a quick fix for his unemployment and now its becoming permanent. In terms of position, he has the value of a retail worker.... he's replacable, cheap, and doesn't get any benefits. He's only 25, and we don't have kids or anything yet, but I do not want to base our life around this job of his. Like I said, I pointed out houses that would be great for us, only to have him say its too far from his job. And as I said before, his unemployment pay over the winter is beans! He hadn't gotten paid in three weeks from the state because of an error that he has been calling about the whole time. They finally corrected it (or so they say) but this is the THIRD TIME he has had issues with them, and I feel like we shouldn't be having to deal with it at all if he would just get a better job.

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