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The Nest: A Place for B!+chy Commentary...
I just want to say that I am extremely disappointed at how cruel and deleterious some of the responses to posts on the message boards can be. I've noticed some serious b!+chy-ness and it's irritating me. This should be a place where women uplift and support one another, not a place to cut each other down with insults and snarky comments.
If someone's post seems odd to you, be polite and ask them to clarify, don't call them names. This has happened to me and I've seen it countless times on other Nesties' posts. I'm sick and tired of women acting like high school mean girls under the guise of "community."
Grow up, write articulate and thoughtful responses. If you're mean-spirited go write in the comments section of Yahoo! News. Some of us want to benefit from getting sound advice from other newlyweds!
Re: The Nest: A Place for B!+chy Commentary...
Sucky thing is this is the internet...no matter what site your on. People will say what they want and how they want. Doesn't make it okay but still there isn't any control over it. I have found myself being b*tchy a couple of times and that was not cool of me.
But you can't tell people how to respond. All you personally can do is either stop coming to this site or not care what rude things come out of others mouths. I have had some very snide comments come at me and I just ignored them because I don't care. Bottom line is the only actions you can control are your own so why care about a bunch of strangers
I don't know about you but I haven't seen anything on these boards that would strike me as being overly rotten and cruel.
Links? Examples? Random outbursts like this are odd.
Quite frankly, this place is dead compared to what it used to be. If you think this place is mean right now, then maybe the internet isn't for you.
Oh, and this never was and never will be a place where women sit around combing hair and singing songs. We're just women, reading posts, and calling things like we see them. If you expected something else, that's on you. Maybe try to see this place for what it is, not what you want it to be.
I post on here, and another message board site for TTC-related stuff, and it's a world of difference.
Women on The Bump/Nest are super b!tchy compared to the ladies from the other site.
I admit I've gotten snarky before, but not downright NASTY like some of the ladies here are.
I've found that 95% of the time, people are nasty in their responses because the OP is completely ridiculous or insane. If you lurk around first and are reasonable in your posts and don't tell people what ways are appropriate to respond, there are actually a huge number of supportive, helpful women here.
I'd rather have people give me their honest opinion than blow smoke up my asss.
If you want to be yessed to death or have rainbow colored smoke blown up your yitz, go elsewhere. Up here we tell it like it is -- especially to the women whose Hs are wimps, are fooling around on them, where the H's are drunks or on some other type of chemical substance or where the women just can't get it when a husband doesn't put the wife first.
Very very young brides are our favorites: these are the brides that go "We've been together for 10 years..." Meanwhile, the young bride is 21. You married a stupid HS boyfriend, FFS!
And one of our favorite lines from this group is "We/I are/is very mature for our age(s)..." Sure.
And as for this:
If someone's post seems odd to you, be polite and ask them to clarify, don't call them names. This has happened to me and I've seen it countless times on other Nesties' posts. I'm sick and tired of women acting like high school mean girls under the guise of "community."
We strongly suggest you lurk first and then write your post.
Ditto everyone who said that had you been here 1 year ago, you'd be crying yourself to sleep every night. This place is TAME compared to what it used to be.
If you just want people to pat your head and hug you no matter what you say, go talk to your girlfriends and mother - they are invested in you and your feelings, they'll likely do whatever it takes just to make you feel better. But on the big ole' Internet, things don't work that way; nobody here "knows" you, so all that they can respond to is what you post. And if you post an effed up situation and/or sound like a whiney brat, then they will likely respond based solely on those things......a completely unbiased opinion, if you will.
The Nest was never created to be a support group - it's an advertising vehicle, have you not noticed all of the stupid ads yet? It was created because The Knot was making wedding vendors a lot of cash, so they made a spin off to try and make more money selling things to married women (and then The Bump was created to make money off of pregnant women). That's all it is. No one here signed a pact to be nice, no one here is being paid to provide professional therapy. For most of us, this place is entertainment.
Feel free to leave if this isn't what you thought it was.
While I agree that people here aren't always polite, they are realistic. I've posted and had my asss laid out, but I appreciate the honesty. I don't post here expecting validation for my feelings, especially when I'm being irrational.
OP - you also have to keep in mind that you're reading text responses and they can easily be interpreted as crass, rude, and plain old mean. There is no voice, no tone, no inflection. So you have to take things at face value, read it just as it is, and don't try to interpret how the responder is articulating their words.
Bottom line, I truly believe that most people here mean well.
This.
We agree on something
TTC since September 2012
Ha!! We do! I swear - I'm not a b!tch. I bet you aren't either :-)
No, pumpkin, this place is a DEAD ZONE because the Knot/Nest's IT department is the equivalent of some guy living in his mom's basement using a Commodore 64 as a server and the "upgrades" that were rolled out this past spring made the forum unusable, and of course the Knot ignored any complaints and basically said "get over it, losers," so the regulars revolted and created another board elsewhere. Seriously, the Knot lost more than 5000 users overnight. That's not an exaggeration. Clicky to read more.
JSP thinks all the meanies made the Nesties askered and dats' why nobody is here.
No, ziti...the IT department is somebody working out of a closet using BASIC --- they upgraded from the old fashioned Hollorith cards. I heard they spent quite a fortune on that feat.
This. I've been on here for five years. I've generally found that the people who snark are spot on and just don't have the patience for immaturity/selfishness/stupidity. I've also seen incredible acts of kindness and true friendships result from these boards.
People here are not inherently mean people. They don't get any validation from being mean. I understand that it's easier to write the boards off as mean than to accept what people are saying and be forced to take a good look at yourself and your actions. The easiest way is often not the best way to do something.
I think this is aimed at me but it's hard to tell as you aren't quoting any response.
If you read what I wrote I said "this post makes you SOUND controlling and weird."
I have since changed it to you are those things, get thicker skin and reading skills. Yes, that was Bichy, I will own it.
I left clicks to moves my cursor.
I also clicks my heels together and say, "there's no place like home" sometimes. Just for fun.
lrn2internet OP. If it irritates you, stop reading it. No one is forcing you to post or read responses.
Not all of us newbies agree with you. I'm new, and I spent the time to lurk and learn about this board. For example, there are three posters that I notice regularly - Tarpon is seriously intense but her advice comes from past experiences that effect her perspective. She's usually spot on, and doesn't beat around the bush. I would value her honesty should I ever post and get a response. MLE is similar, but more abrasive in her comments (how I read them)- however, her responses are generally well-reasoned and come from sound logic. ReturnofKuus has a bunny as her profile pic so I am obligated to love her. Also I agree with her 99% of the time. She, like the others, will tell it as it is.
There are some posters, whose names I can't recall, that have serious reading comprehension issues - but you know what...I -ignore- them. Because I lrnd2internet.
The beauty of the internet is people can put whatever they want on it. It's up to you to filter out what you will and will not react to.
Also, this is not some sort of religious/spiritual/whatever community where people of like values are supporting each other. The only thing Thenest.com cares about is how many ads you click on, and how many things you buy from their store. These forums are just a way to keep people coming back and drive their revenue.