Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Toxic MIL - Ignore or Respond
Lurker here.
DH and I have been together for 8 years, married for 4. We have a 2YO DD. We live in NC. MIL lives in OH.
To keep a long story short, after a lifetime of toxic behavior from my MIL, my DH made the call to cut her out of our lives 2 years ago. We have been enjoying a drama-free 2 years.
Recently, she began contacting us again. First, she attempted to show up on our doorstep when his grandparents planned a trip to visit us. Thankfully, his grandparents called her on it and cancelled their trip. Then, she sent a long, tearful card claiming how she prays for him to return to her life. Now today, we received a Thanksgiving card, with a brief message ? acting like nothing had ever happened between us.
DH wants to keep ignoring her. I?m concerned that if we continue to ignore her, she?ll get more aggressive with her attempts to get back in our lives.
My question is ? do we continue to ignore her attempts to contact us, or do we call her out on her sudden repentance and reiterate our stance that we cannot maintain a relationship with her because of her continued toxic behavior?
Re: Toxic MIL - Ignore or Respond
If you don't want her in your life, then I would continue to ignore her. Yes, she may "step up" her attempts at contact, but if you send her a letter, etc.....she knows that she will get a response from you if she....sends you a letter....texts 20 times...contacts your grandparents. You'll teach her "what it takes" to get a response from you. Then the next time she wants a response or drama, she'll just contact you (via a holiday card or through DH's grandparents) again.
I second this. I think any type of returned communication indicates a "score" for her and will ultimately invite more unwanted communication, thus exacerbating the problem. Ignore it, all of it.
If she was as bad as you say she was, she'd have to exhibit "clean" behavior for good and for always --- and who knows if she's even able to do that at all?
The bolded. It's his mom, he decides.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
return the letters/cards etc.. unopened if you dont want to deal with her.
ask the grandparents and any other family members who are going tos ee you to not mention it to her. they clearly know the situation.