Relationships
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Cold feet too late?
So, I got married in April 2012. Since then, my 3 month old niece died, we both lost our jobs, and I just feel like we are falling apart. I've known my husband since we were kids, we were friends growing up, and didn't start dating until we both were in college. I feel like we are now living separate lives. He's working on his masters degree, and working part time, so when he's home he's doing homework. I just started a full-time job that has me working long hours. We barely have sex (sorry TMI) and we're NEWLYWEDS! I love him, and I believe that marriage is forever, has anyone had any experience in this kind of situation? Any suggestions?
Re: Cold feet too late?
I am sorry for your loss.
Honestly, there should be no timeline to when you start or stop acting like newlyweds. People's relationships have fallen apart with a lot less stress than what you are going through. I think that you are afraid this stage is forever too. It's not! Life is eternally changing. You will find a way to grieve and move on from your niece's death. He won't always be in school. You two will find your groove again, you just have to keep trying.
Think outside the box. Plan a date night. Start writing notes, letters, and texts so you can talk, communicate and romance each other while working through your busy lives.
Sorry for your loss!!!! Ive been married for three months now, and maybe three weeks after my husband lost his job which has been extremely herd on us because he was the sole provider. But what ive learned the marital counceling is that you will have ups and downs throughout your marriage. This storm that your going through will not last forever just stay strong and keep remembering all the things that made you say i do in the first place.
Its so easy to walk away and give up when things are bad, nothing last forever! soon youll be looking back on this and smiling and tanking God for bringing you out of your trials.....Good luck to the both of us!
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
Counseling and date nights! Please save your marriage....seems like yall are meant to be
((hugs)) I agree with the PPs here, but I just wanted to add:
With everything going on in your lives right now, don't beat yourself up about the bedroom situation. Stress will just shut down your libido. The important thing here is to have a honest, non-confrontational, honest discussion about that. Are you actually feeling unsatisfied? Or do you just think that you're supposed to be doing it like rabbits and so you feel like you're not "doing marriage right?" How many times a week/month would be enough to make you feel loved, satisfied, and connected as man and wife? What other things outside of actual intercourse are important to you to help you feel loved, satisfied and connected? (Meaningful sex is more than just the biological function). Answer these questions for yourselves, then talk about them together.
This is a really important part of your connection to each other, so definitely make it a priority to meet each other's needs - but don't put pressure on yourself to meet some sort of quota that neither of you really need. Be honest, and compromise if things are drastically different in your needs.
My husband and I are still really new newlyweds - unfortunately we had job loss situations right after the wedding so we are also dealing with the effects it has had on our relationship. I definitely have a higher drive than my husband, but the depression has been crippling to him. We have had to make compromises, and counseling has helped me to realize how to be understanding and identify my needs that he can meet as my husband, and what needs I can handle myself (if necessary...sry TMI but it's true). It has helped him to realize how important it is for me to feel loved and secure that we have that physical connection.
Sorry for the book, but I just want you to know that you guys are SO not alone and you WILL get through this. Don't be afraid to ask for help
Also, given all that is happening, you may want to think about your individual mental health - could it be a factor? For my husband, that was a big Yes. Identifying his depression and getting help for it has been a huge help for both of us.
Hang in there