Family Matters
kr0403
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
help!!
my inlaws are getting divorced...my MIL wants her and my 15year old bro in law to move in with us until they get a house built. they let us live with them for about a year when we first got together, so the hubs feels obligated...i dont mind i love my MIL, but still we have only been married 3 1/2 years, weneed space...idk what to do...any ideas???
Re: help!!
I am against family living with you for many many reasons:
Not a great idea
Lots can go wrong
Your place will not really be your place
And if something happens (they don't like it there, they don't keep up with paying you room and board, turns out they are slobs/neatniks and it gets on your last nerve, etc) it can cause bad blood between you and the MIL/BIL.
Let her rent a 2 bedroom apartment until the house is done --- and NO, your husband is NOT "obligated."
He needs to cut the apron strings and tell his mother "sorry mom, but my wife and I do not think this is a good idea."
And if she does not like it, well, that's life. Let her be a grown adult and take it on the chin, no hard feelings.
And if she does have hard feelings to the point where she whines and/or refuses to talk to you and H ever again...that's life, too.
If there's any way you can make it work, you should.
Your MIL helped you when you needed it, and the reason you don't want to reciprocate is you need your space? I'm sure your MIL needed HER space when you lived with her for almost a year, but that didn't stop her from putting her needs aside to help you and your husband.
I think it's very selfish to refuse to help because 'you've only been married x number of years and you need your space'. That's a BS excuse. You can still make your own time with your husband, and keep your lives as close to normal as possible- unless you walk around the house naked all day, what's the big deal?
I will say that if you hadn't lived w /her, my answer would probably be different. But as you needed her help, I actually fully understand why your DH feels obligated. I probably would feel that way too.
However, have a talk about expectations, rules, etc. Have a timeline. HOw long is this house going to take to be built? What are their plans if it takes longer/ or something falls through and they don't buy it?
Talk out all expectations. Bills, tv time, food, and so forth.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Not to be rude but she probably wanted space when you moved in for a year, now it's your turn to help her out.
My thoughts exactly. I don't get the only 3.5 years.
You did mean years right? And not months?
I agree with this, especially the bolded part. I would definitely help them out but would make sure there was one hell of a plan set in stone before venturing into any of it. Everyone's sanity, as well as the relationships, needs to be protected.
I also don't understand what being married for X years has anything to do with it.
It's not crazy to want your own space, but you did live with them for almost a year. I'm sure your MIL is not crazy about having to move in with her grown son and his wife, but it may be her best option right now.
I think you should set a time, say after 8months, it seems like this may turn into a much longer solution than you originally thought you should reevaluate it.
If you had not lived with her when you needed to, I would not feel the same way. But you did, and I think you should help her out now.
Get rules, routines, and expectations laid out to make it easier on all of you.
Also, she must know that her soon to be exH is living across the road from you. She must really need the help to want to put up with that. I understand why your H feels obligated, given that you stayed with her.
I would not be happy about it if I were you but I think you should help her.