Relationships
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Long Distance Advice
Okay, so me and my BF are living long-distance right now. He wants to talk all the time and sometimes I just don't even feel like talking. I love him completely, and I don't want to break-up. But is this normal? I feel bad about it, but I don't know how to change it. We are fixing to move in together, but he plans on being in the military. This will not be the last time we are separated. At first I was an emotional wreck, but now I get easily annoyed and not just when I'm pmsing. Please help!
Re: Long Distance Advice
I would need more backstory here to give you better advice.
Judging by what you have posted, you are either not ready to be separated from him, not ready to move in with him or perhaps the relationship is over and it is winding down.
I would not make active plans to move in with him until you are sure of your feelings and that you are 100% on the bus with moving in with him because you want to start a life together with him.
Define "all the time" because if it's literally all day every day, then something's not right with him. That is not normal. However, I heard that many men that go into the service try to lock a woman down so they feel they have someone waiting and to come home to. It's possible he could be nervous and feels he needs this attachment. I completely understand that needy men are annoying, so try to nicely explain to him how you feel. If he doesn't respect your simple wish to back off a little then you may really want to think about this relationship. I hope i helped a little. Good luck
My Ovulation Chart
What does "all the time" mean? Daily? Or daily but on the phone and not say anything...just a time waster?
DH travels and we started dating with a long distance relationship. We do talk daily, but we only do so for maybe 10-15 minutes sometimes. Other times we talk for 30 minutes or more. It depends. We aren't just "hanging out on the phone" to pass the time.
I agree with PPs, if he is just calling to pass the time or it feels like he is insecure about your relationship, then maybe rethink it and certainly don't move in together.
But if he truely talks with you and holds conversations daily, about real legit stuff, then maybe you're being too harsh...he could just be a chatterbox. BUt if that personality trait bugs you then, I still think you need to reevaluate this relationship.
I dunno --- I'm getting a mixed message here. You're saying he's clingy but in the next heartbeat it's "So okay I am the same way too when we are together" -- clinginess is not a trait to be admired or to flaunt.
This is the entire gist of it: You both need to be mature enough so that you can stand on your own 2 feet and be able to hack being apart for possibly long long periods of time.
I don't know where you'll be moving to --- it could be many miles away where there is an entirely different lifestyle than where you are living now.
You also have to consider the job market -- would you be able to get a job in your field fairly quickly if you relocate?
And suppose it does not work out with you and iwth him -- what then?
I also do not know your ages. I am guessing you are both rather young.
Did you pick a long distance relationship because it is safe? I have done this in the past. I was too scared to invest in a local relationship, so my first boyfriend and I lived apartment for nearly 5 years. It was really not the best relationship and when we did move to be near each other, it didn't work out within 5 months.
Are you in therapy? It might help to deal with your issues of wanting to "run away" from closeness?
OP, based on how wishy-washy your feelings are surrounding this I would conclude that you are either A) too immature to be making any life-affecting decisions based on this relationship and/or
in the process of checking out of the relationship.
Of course, if you were just having a ranting moment - that's understandable. I remember in my own LDR (we're married now) there were definitely moments where I just wanted to be left alone! That happens in LDR and local relationships.
You need to evaluate how serious your complaints are, it's hard to tell based on the little we've gotten here.
And please please please make sure you do the research and know 100% what you're getting into with the military. You do know they can up and move him as much as they want and if you aren't married they won't give a flying ***? It takes a special woman/man to be a military spouse - I had committed to the lifestyle myself a few years ago, but the damned fool left me before we actually tied the knot. (He choked and I don't want to be with a man whose instinct is to leave me when the going gets rough - so no second chance was given). To be honest, I'm much happier with the life I have now, so he did me a favor.