Military Nesties
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A Sailor no more

My DH just got out after serving 8 years with the USN. He was pretty wreckless in HS, was lucky to graduate, and joined right after graduation. Fast forward 8 years and he is now out (as of last week) and facing starting over from essentially square one with school and job prospects. He has done a lot with the USN and has plenty of qualifications to get a civilian job right now making good money if he so chose. However, the point of going in (well one of the many) was to eventually be able to go back to school. He plans to start in January at a CC getting his basics and go from there. But now he is at a loss for what he wants to do (and overwhelmed with the possibilities after 8 years of very few choices). He kinda has that HS senior "Oh Sh*t now what" mentality but with more pressure because he isn't a care-free 18 year old anymore and has adult responsibilities. The last month has been pretty rough for us. The entire time paperwork was making it's way through the system he was all gung-ho about being out and starting over, but I think this month the reality of unemployment and essentially a loss of identity has begun to sink in. I should say we have only been married since October of this year, and dated for only a year prior to marriage, during which time he was stationed shore-duty and did not deploy. As proud as I am for his service and to be his wife, I have a hard time considering myself a military wife because I never went through the first-deployment rite of passage so to speak. In fact, I still feel like I am getting to know terms and ranks and how the system works, and DH doesn't really like talking about work when he gets home save for a few "when I was deployed here we did this" sort of stories. But, I know that for as much as he acts like his enlistments were just something to do, it is a part of who he is and now he is feeling lost and overwhelmed. Any similar stories out there? Any advice on how to help him get through this and move forward to the next chapter in life?

Re: A Sailor no more

  • Adjusting to life after the military can be very traumatic for some.  Talking to the career center at the college he is attend can help to direct what he would like do in the long run.  We found that the County veteran's service officer and Family Assistance Centers can be a lot of help too.   The school should have a Veteran's Affairs office that can get him in touch with people to help him coupe with life after the military.  Adjusting to life without the military sounds a lot like getting use to life after a deployment.  Everything is so structured when you're in and when you're out you don't know what to do with yourself.  My husband and I started setting schedules at home and he asked me not to "baby him."  He just needs to find his own identity again.  Hope this helps!
  • Encourage him to put himself on a schedule.  Like PP stated, it's hard to go from the structure of the military to the "free for all" that can be civilian life.  Putting him self on a schedule will help with that.  For instance, gym time at 0700, class from 0900-1200, lunch and study from 1200-1400, class from 1400-1500.  It will help him feel a bit more structured if he follows it every day.  Also, tell him while he's getting his basics done, he doesn't have to know what he wants to do.  He can start researching jobs and career fields during that time and pick a major in a year.  Tell him to start thinking about things he's passionate about.  What does he like to do in his free time?  There are counselors at most schools who have worked with veterans before.  They can talk to him about what he's done in the Navy and how he can turn that experience into  a civilian career.  Also, has he thought about being a teacher?  Many states have fast track programs for veterans.  You can use your military time to go ahead and get a teaching job.  It varies by state, but some give you as many as two years to work toward getting your teaching certificate while you are working as a teacher.   
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