Relationships
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
What to do?
So I should begin this by saying that my boyfriend is not a terrible person & for almost 5 years, he has been an unbelievable support & amazing to me. With that said, I do not know what to do now. About a year ago, we started hanging out with friends from his work. He is a firefighter. We partied with them & got to know them. They are a totally different kind of crowd than we are used but we figured hey why not? Well, lately my boyfriend has taken partying to a whole different level. Not coming home or coming home extremely intoxicated & late. Well this past Monday he hit his ultimate rock bottom. He was out with his friends & around 8pm I get a text saying "Key West". Mind you, we live in Florida & Key West is about 6 hours away. I thought he was kidding but nope, he up & went. I was devastated. He came home yesterday evening & we had it out. I told him he has to change. His answer, he doesn't know if he wants to. He means the world to me & acknowledged that what he had done was reckless & stupid, apologized. But now, I'm not sure what to do. Any advice?
Re: What to do?
First I'm sorry you are going through this. Second it is a great learning opportunity! How old are you & your bf? Did he not get the partying out of his system when he was younger, is it immaturity for a young age or is he trying to re-live those years? Do you have children or a child, it didn't appear to be so. You've had a long relationship, I think communication is ALWAYS key to any success in any avenue in life. You need to ask him what is his long term goal? How does this new life style fit in? Would he be amicable to cutting back or including you, are you even interested in this type of life style? A lot of ?s only he can answer, but better now then after your married or having children & your left alone to raise or with a drunk or partier who needs his priorities straightened out.
Be brave & courageous. Have that conversation that makes you both feel empowered to take your own way in life. Either he will man up or party down, but please don't settle or let it go to far. Address the issue, voice your concerns & make a firm decision. Not coming home, taking unplanned trips etc is immature behavior, which you are TOTALLY justified in stated that behavior for any man in a committed relationship, is not acceptable and should not be tolerated.
Good luck, this will make you a better woman & him a better man!
Bolded/underlined is your que to leave. Sorry you have to deal with this..
Also, I hate to be the harbinger of doom, but most of the time this type of behavior leads to cheating. Alcohol+testoterone+poor impulse control = VERY bad decisions. It might be best to extricate yourself before this happens.
Best of luck to you!
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
He isn't into you or being in a relationship. Break up with him and figure out why you are willing to put up with this. To be honest, my H and I have partied, we are no longer friends with those we partied with. We are in our thirties and ALL of those friends are still doing the same things we used to. Some people just don't want to give it up or stop.
Also, by saying you are all I've ever known, he means I'm out with my friends having a great time and cheating on you.
The bolded concerns me. The public is relying on his health and abilities as a public servant. Maybe this behavior isn't safe for the citizens.
You need to do some real soul searching. And be careful of over romanticizing this (If we can over come this, we'll be stronger for it). Sure, maybe that will be the outcome. Or neither of you pulls the cord and you try to force a square peg into a round hole and you stay in a relationship that isn't quite working but no one wants to admit it.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10