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Long: Next Door Neighbor Man
This is mostly a vent and I'm not that upset, just more annoyed. It's about one of our neighbors.
We moved in to an established neighborhood back in June. Some of you may remember me writing about our neighbors across the street who just lost their daughter. Anyway, this neighbor lives next door.
His wife is a doll. Love her! They are both in their 60's. No children. Avid gardeners and bird caretakers (they have many bird feeders in their backyard). She is now retired and he is still working. They are both in (or were in) corporate America with successful higher level positions...he travels internationally quite frequently.
They have really taken us under their wing. We get one anothers' mail and water plants while the other family is away. They are nice and kind. But he is so opinionated...I don't know if this is cultural, as he is Bolivian, but he's making comments about hot movie stars when we're over there for dinner (in front of his wife) and the other week when I was walking our dog and it's freezing outside, he's out there hanging up a Christmas wreath in a t-shirt. We exchanged pleasantries and he says, "Is it cold enough for you yet?" And, in doing so....lifts up the side of his undershirt to reveal his belly...a big belly.
He's got an opinion for DH on everything...we need new tires, we need to install this sort of automatic lawn watering system, we need to mow the lawn this way and that he wants to stop by to check on me and the kids every so often (while DH travels) but he's afraid to because I have a sign posted that says, "Please do not ring the doorbell. Thank you." I put it up because there are sales people and delivery people that ring it and it wakes my little kids up from their naps.
Anyway, I guess he unknowingly makes my DH feel like a turd. DH is highly capable and handy around the house - a big DIYer. And, he's smart, so he feels like this man is part of a peanut gallery or something.
Yesterday, I was leaving the house and got my car stuck in the snow at the bottom of the driveway...here comes neighbor man with his snow blower. DH says to me, "I can dig my own wif e out of the snow!" But no, neighbor man proceeds to snow blow our entire driveway while DH shovels out my car.
I keep telling DH not to worry that neighbor man is just looking out for us, but yesterday when he told DH we need new tires and implyed that we weren't safe driving on the ones we have (they're fine...I trust DH with this), it irritated me.
Anyway, that's it. Sorry to vent. I just get the feeling he sees us as incapable young kids (we're in our 30's) and it's kind of irritating.
Re: Long: Next Door Neighbor Man
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
i could totally see how that would seem too interfereing however it seems like they've really taken a liking to you and since they're 2x your age almost like their kids.
i'm sure that he's retired and wanted to do your DH a favor and not have DH shovel you out before heading to work. if i had a snowblower and saw my neighbor stuck and shoveling i'd certainly help them as well! shoveling is a PITA! snowblowing is a snap.; who wouldn't help. imo your Dh was in the wrong to react like that.
imo-you need to look at the big picture here-they're nice. they're trying to help. you dont have to take their advice. it could totally be a lot worse
who knows-maybe the people that lived there before were absolute Aholes and he's really happy to have a nice couple next door.....
i do agree wtih you to a point about it being cultural too. latin men aren't known for keeping their opinions to themselves-but hey, it's to your benefit. pull back a little bit.
I agree with all of this. My guess is that they feel they are taking your family under their wings and probably consider you to be family. Like PP said, they probably are trying to be more parent like to you than belittling. I know that My grandma's neighbor (she's the same age as my grandma) can be like that when she talks with my mom about us kids. Old people like to give advice to the younger generations, it's just a fact of life. If you don't like it then maybe start setting some boundaries up so you don't have to deal with it as much but just be warned that it may hurt their feelings and you may end up with more distance than you'd originally wanted.
What's his tone of voice when he's giving advice or helping? Is it friendly or concern? We have a neighbor who is a know it all and gives out unsolicited advice. His tone when speaking to anyone, older or younger, is condescending. He also is rude, very rude. He tends to ask personal questions that are uncomfortable to answer when you dont know the person well. I think there is a difference in trying to be helpful like your neighbors, even if what they're doing is annoying, and being intrusive jerks like my neighbor.
And maybe some of the things he says, for example the comments on pretty women, are a cultural thing. On top of that some people don't have as much tact as others or are awkward in any social situation.
I understand how you could be annoyed by all of this. But think it from there perspective. They don't have any kids and they have a younger family living across from them. They may be over protective because they feel that your family is like there family, people they can look after.
And I'm saying this because my future FIL is in his 60's and retired. And he constantly calls FI and tells him we need to do this and that. And I love him dearly but that's why he's doing it because he loves us and wants to be protective. We've also noticed that he's gotten more protective, same with MIL, because FI and I bought a house in March. And FI lived there his entire life, even through college.
So although it sounds like he's annoying your family he probably means well.