Pittsburgh Nesties
MrsAmers
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Preparing for Grade School Drama
How do you think you'll deal with these kinds if issues as your kids get older? It already feels like we're getting some of this with Heather as she describes some less than ideal interactions with some of the kids at after-care. It's not like preschool daycare where there were always teachers observing interactions carefully, and I'm not expecting grade school kids to be watched like that, it just feels like Heather is in a new world of freedom and all we can do is do our best to teach her how to deal with other people.
http://www.freerangekids.com/help-needed-how-bow-out-of-girl-drama-with-other-grade-school-moms/
Heather Margaret --- Feb '07 and Todd Eldon --- April '09
Re: Preparing for Grade School Drama
Let's try that link again...silly phone...
http://www.freerangekids.com/help-needed-how-bow-out-of-girl-drama-with-other-grade-school-moms/
First I should say that I think boys are different in this respect, so I don't know that I'll have to deal with this to this extent ever. But, I feel like unless someone is physically hurt or seriously emotionally bullied (which bullying is more than one incident) then I should not be involved. The kids have to work it out themselves. And if I had a mother calling/texting/emailing me, I think I'd tell her that I won't discuss things that happen at school - I would expect the teacher to handle that if someone is being bullied or hurt.
I got my feelings hurt plenty of times by kids at school or on the bus. And I know that I probably did the same back at some point. It's part of life...and I don't think my mother would have ever dreamed of calling a kid's parents because someone made fun of me or wouldn't play with me that day.
ditto Amber.
I hope to raise dd to be kind and not be downright mean and bully. So I will hope that any squabbles that happen are going to be normal things that I won't intervene with. I will intervene in the instance of serious meanness and bullying but like the woman in the link said we can't label everything that nowadays!
it sounds like the other mom is intervening because her kid is being left out and there is no way is be doing that. I don't want dd to be mean but you can't expect everyone to be friends. If dd is the one being left out I'd talk with her about what she can try doing herself and if I find out she is purposefully leaving a kid out I would talk to her about it to maybe find out why and remind her to think of others feelings. But again not everyone is going to be friends. I just can't imagine emailing and texting another mom to complain about their kid not playing with my kid.
I agee. As kids get older they form different likes and dislikes and you're not going to be friends with everybody. But I believe you should be nice to everybody. I would want to know if dd was being a mean bully but I don't think I would ever call another parent and "tell" on their kid.
I had some very rough times in 7th and 8th grade. School was hell on earth for me, but I would have died if my parents started calling other parents and telling people to be nice to me. I hope my daughters never have to go through that but unfortunately I think it's just part of live.
I think a lot of schools do anti-bullying programs now. So kids should be more aware of what they shouldn't be doing and teachers should be on top of things. There is a difference between not playing with someone and bullying them.
I didn't get the chance to open and read the link, but I agree with the others. I just try to keep an open line of communication with Gavin about how to treat others and how he is treated by others.We teach him coping skills if he is bothered by another kid's words or actions because DH and I agree that the world is a cruel place sometimes and we're not always going to be there to help or protect. (Like when Gavin tells us that so-and-so doesn't want to play with him anymore, we just tell him to not care about it - there are plenty of other kids to be friends with.)
It's easier said than done/understood, but he wears his heart on his sleeve (like me) and so we try to teach him to be tougherand just stronger.
That said, we've had to intervene once when we were told that he was being "bullied" on the bus (it was another Mom who told me this - her son and Gavin are friends in class and sit on the bus together; apparently this boy told his Mom what was going on - Gavin never said a word to us). Since it was a physical type of bullying (apparently one kid holding him down while the brother was taking his shoes off), DH spoke to the kids' Mom at the bus drop-off about it and was very non-confrontational about it. She was horrified and everything seems to have stopped.
My three sons!
I'm glad the bullying situation is resolved, Clare!
The tact I have been taking so far is just to talk through situations with Heather. So far there is only one thing she's told me that I had any concern about - a comment from a boy about hurting her. It is totally possible that he was just fooling around, but I told her that if he said something like that again she needed to tell a teacher.
She tends to hang out with an equal mix of boys and girls...so maybe we are in for less drama. Fingers crossed.
And I totally agree. There were plenty of times that other kids were mean to me and I never told my parents. You couldn't pay me enough money to go through 5th grade again. Hell.on.earth. Heather is a lot less shy than I am, so I am hopeful that her experiences won't be as difficult, but I have no illusions that I can protect her from ever having a bad experience with another kid.
DD is generally very outspoken--and wants to "protect" everyone. Her teacher has told me that if someone is being mean she puts her hands on her hips and tells them to stop being a bully. She did this to my BIL last Christmas when he was yelling at her cousin. It was kind of comical.
I really hope she keeps that strength--and doesn't use her outspokenness for "evil". We talk often about including and being nice to everyone. There is really only one other girl in her class--who is part time--so she does spend a lot of time playing with the boys --and doesn't seem bothered by playing by herself if the boys don't want to play what she wants to play.
I so dread walking down this road. So far ok for Caileigh, she seems to get along with everyone even though she does have some girls that she tends to spend more time with. I just try to emphasize to her that she needs to look out for & be kind to everyone but esp. those that are new or shy and invite them to play. We talk alot about being a good friend and reaching out to others so I hope that makes an impression on her.
How time flies! Caileigh (9), Keira (6) & Eamon (3)