Pittsburgh Nesties
MandyMilller
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Are you nervous about sending your kids to school today?
If not, tell me why because I'm definitely jittery and could use some reassurance. Lanna's only in school for a couple of hours at a daycare/preschool, but still it's just hard to have her away from me for the first time since all of this happened.
Re: Are you nervous about sending your kids to school today?
I am not nervous. The horrific event that happened on Friday is not an every day occurrance. Think about the millions of kids that go to school every day and everything is perfectly fine. They come home without incident.
Car accidents happen everyday, but I don't expect one to happen to me each day when I get into my car.
I wasn't really nervous to send them into school specifically, but I will admit that things like this just make me more nervous about the world in general, and raising children in it. I'm a really paranoid person, to the point that it takes over me sometimes. This recent incident has caused me to have nightmares the past few nights, so I've really tried to shield myself from any media coverage or in-detail discussions about what took place.
Jake - 1.15.08
Liam - 5.17.11
I totally get that, and I feel the same way.
Jake - 1.15.08
Liam - 5.17.11
I won't lie and say that I'm totally comfortable. However, I realize that lots of terrible, terrible things happen to many good and innocent people every day. There are senseless acts of violence all over the place that the general public just doesn't hear about. Working in a prison, I have heard all too many stories of truly unbelievable behavior in others. I'd like to think that on some level we all have to remain grounded and allow each other to live. If I home schooled my kids because of the fears of what happens in schools all over the world, then they would certainly miss out on a big piece of life. If I decided to stay away from movie theaters because of what others can do to me while I'm there, well then I'd miss out on some seemingly awesome date nights (I imagine), etc. I have to weigh the probability of things happening and then let myself "feel" whatever it is I feel. If my gut tells me not to go do something, or not to let my kids go somewhere, then that is what I'll listen to. I'll never let myself say "I should have done...because I had a feeling something was going to happen." If the plan for my life includes me getting shot in a mall, or my children being gunned down in school...well, I won't say that it's a plan I'm comfortable with, but I won't allow myself to live in fear either. I'll admit that it isn't too close to home for me because my kids aren't in school...and I'm just hoping that some things change in the future to try and prevent this type of thing from happening. But, in the same sense, man it makes me sad to think that my kids won't be able to do things like enjoy fresh air on nice days while in school because suddenly the windows are bolted shut or something. I don't know, Mandy... I think I would be more nervous if my kids were in school...but, for now I just think that there are millions of children in US schools today that are doing great things and that you don't hear about. It's like when you hear about a plane crash and then you're afraid to fly. But, you don't realize how many thousands of planes were in the air that day and how many of them statistically made it to their destination without incident. I guess that's how I justify things in my mind. I think in statistics. Maybe that's because I worked in a prison, or because I'm a psychologist, or because I'm wise in my old age (just kidding)...but, I just try not to get sucked into all the bad that goes on in the world...because I just wouldn't be able to be happy that way. Statistically speaking, Lanna will be fine today...and every other day. We just have to stay grounded and pray for those people who lost ones that they loved. It is senseless, and by definition we just can't try to make sense of things that don't make sense. We'll make ourselves crazy. I guess we all should just learn a lesson that we should act the way we would want to if we knew this was our last day here...or someone else's. I think it would make this world a much, much better place. Hang in there, Mandy...you're not alone.
ETA: When I started writing this, no one had responded yet. I guess I'm wordy. LOL
It certainly has shattered some level of safety for me. I know terrible things happen all the time but I have to say I would have never expected something like this. And while dd isn't in school yet it makes me think that a daycare could certainly be a target and in less than a year she will be in school.
But unfortunately what can you do? I definitely think schools should have security plans in place but I can't stop sending my kid to daycare/school.
Im trying to focus on the amazing acts of the teachers and what heroes they were. I have to have faith that dd's teachers would do all that they could to save her if something bad were to happen. I just can't get over the sacrifices of those teachers and what they did for those children. That is something we need to take away from this. While there is evil out there, there is also good.
ETA: another thing to take away from this is yet another reminder to not take things for granted. Everyday when I leave for work I try to make sure I give dd a kiss and tell her I love her but this reminds me to make sure I do it everyday.
im the same way. As much as it affects me I can't seem to not watch! The only reason I've seen so little this weekend is because of dd so she won't see any of it. For me I feel compelled to learn about the victims. I know a lot of the parents want to talk about their children so the world knows them so I feel like I have to listen. Even though it breaks my heart.
im nervous to fly and now I'm nervous in movie theaters. In sure ill now have a little nervousness most days dd is in daycare/school. It sucks that we have to worry about it but I still do those things and just have to come to grips with the fear. If we stopped doing all these things what kind of life would it be? I think we need to learn from it and make sure we have safety measures in place.
Like Amanda, I really limited my intake of news this weekend. I almost stopped reading facebook because I was getting a little too much news there, too, but thankfully the posting slowed down.
I admit that I was pretty depressed on Friday night, but I have been talking myself through it internally since then and not allowing myself to get as sad as I was on Friday. My heart is broken for the community in Connecticut, but as it has been said here, the chance of that happening to my family is statistically tiny. There are many other things that would be more likely to bring tragedy to my family and I can't spend my time worrying about something that I can't control and that is very rare.
Yes, it isn't as rare as it used to be. But it is still statistically rare, and I have to use that knowledge to live my life to its fullest.
DH and I flew to NYC about 6 weeks after 9/11. I'm not going to pretend like it wasn't hard to get on that plane and that it wasn't heart-wrenching to see the work lights at ground zero. But we would have missed out on a wonderful weekend together if we had let fear cancel our trip.
Life is too short to live in fear, IMO.
I am the same way. I don't want to see it or think about it, but it's all I can think about and I can't turn the tv off. I see those little faces of the kids that died and my mind goes right to my daughter and her preschool classmates. I'm very shaken by this. The more it happens, the more scared I get. I still haven't gone to a movie theater since the movie theater shooter happened.
I am the same way. I don't want to see it or think about it, but it's all I can think about and I can't turn the tv off. I see those little faces of the kids that died and my mind goes right to my daughter and her preschool classmates. I'm very shaken by this. The more it happens, the more scared I get. I still haven't gone to a movie theater since the movie theater shooter happened. I feel like I need crisis counseling and I wasn't even there.
I tend to be a worry-er. (I think it comes from walking with people who are going through some terrible things in their lives, which is also strangely one of my favorite parts of my job...even though I wish they were never in that situation to begin with.) But I also know that life is too short to live in fear, that nothing is guaranteed, and I can't control everything. So I try to let all of those things balance themselves out in my brain and heart.
Sometimes the worry and fear gets overwhelming, and my heart always breaks for those who are struggling and grieving (I've cried more than once leading the Pastoral prayer...and was definitely teary on Sunday as my colleague did that part of the service), but I also try to rely on my faith for hope and peace.
I don't rely on it in such a way as to think that because I believe in God nothing bad will happen to me. I just try to trust that whatever happens God's grace is sufficient, and will help me persevere through the devastating just as God rejoices with me in the good stuff. I believe that God never leaves me, and that is what gives me courage to take S to daycare, to go out to malls, or movie theaters, or to get on airplanes, or in the car.
I'm so glad you chimed in on this. I went to church on Sunday looking for some sort of comfort. Our priest didn't even mention the shooting. There was no moment of silence, no nothing. I was pretty upset about that. So thank you for reassurance.
I'm so sorry that your church didn't mention it. :-( We did not dwell on it, but we certainly could not NOT mention it. In fact, the senior pastor got very teared up during the first service. He has a granddaughter that age, and 2 more grand kids, so I am sure he was placing himself in the position of those parents/grandparents. We had also some Pre-K and K kids singing the first song and special music that morning (cue tears from me), so I don't know how we could have avoided it even if we had wanted to.
I do believe that God is grieving right along with those families.
thank you!
and this is why I had to force myself to not fixate on the media coverage. I would have gotten lost in it. And that is no way to honor their lives, rather I will focus my energy to remember the blessings in my own life and try to make the best of each day handed to me.
I wasn't but I think it's because of my faith. I believe everything happens for a reason and I can't change something that is out of my control. all i can do is learn the preventstive measures the school takes, talk to the kids about them and about situations like what happened, and just be ss prepared as we can be. *hugs*
My three sons!
My kids were home with me yesterday, so today is their first day back at school. I'm not nervous, but mostly because I refuse to let myself go to that place. I am a nervous nelly about most things when it comes to my kids, and I really have to make an effort to manage those feelings of fear. I can't watch the news, because like Amanda, I also over empathize. Any tragedy I hear, it's as if I'm hearing it about my own children. (I am still struggling with the tragedy at the zoo.) Of everything I've learned so far as a parent, the one thing that I was not prepared for was the burden of worry that I will always have for my children. I might not be able to control the worry, but I can control how I deal with it. It's not always easy, but I really have to try to not let myself focus on the tragedies that happened, and focus on being present for my kids and living my life without letting the fear of things I cannot control take away from the good.
This was quoted in one of the blogs that I read, and I thought it was a nice sentiment:
?Don?t squander joy. We can?t prepare for tragedy and loss. When we turn every opportunity to feel joy into a test drive for despair, we actually diminish our resilience. Yes, softening into joy is uncomfortable. Yes, it?s scary. Yes, it?s vulnerable. But every time we allow ourselves to lean into joy and give in to those moments, we build resilience and we cultivate hope. The joy becomes part of who we are, and when bad things happen?and they do happen?we are stronger.? (from Daring Greatly, Gotham Books, 2012)