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MIL annoyance
First, let me say this: I know I don't have it that bad. I realize it could be worse; but it's starting to get to me!
My MIL is emotionally unstable; she cripples herself constantly; always the victim, very dependent on my Hubs (been married 6 months). Things were great with us til 2 weeks before the wedding; I was suddenly an enemy.
Our wedding was lovely, people had a blast, really terrific time. MIL acted 'off' all day; snapping at her son, plunking a weird gift in front of me as she went up for her speech; I actually had to say "Hey, hey! We're all stressed, let's get along" after she lashed out at my mother...her loud, uncouth friend seated herself at the family table...and more. She ended the night by splashing a large VASE OF WATER all over her daughter (my MOH), then made a large scene when my hubs tried to comfort her. At my encouragment he called her the next day to see how she was...she lashed out, saying how awful it was, how she was meant to feel 'interrogated' (she didnt seem sober clearly, we were trying to talk her into riding home with someone). No apology; we apparently owed her one. She made this scene on the dance floor; trust me, we owed nothing.
We left it for a few weeks; when we decided to visit and talk it out, it was the scariest, nastiest thing I'e ever seen. Bless my hubs, he made sure to try and remind her he was also angry (of course she only blamed me). She screamed, ranted, spitting and hissing that I MADE her get her hair and makeup done (I paid...and it was not forced), that she didn't get any attention or time with her son, that no one enjoyed the wedding,that his entire dad's family hates me, that I've changed her son...it went on and on, just outright lies and craziness. As we left (after being ordered to) she cried and tries to press $50 into hubs' hand (screw off, lady!!!)...he refused, she insisted, saying oh he's changed, sob sob (after she just said the most hurtful things she could muster to both of us). As we leave, I know he's shaken up; I I suggest we go grab her a coffee, he can drop it off to make sure she's ok (the woman clearly went nutty). Well, the idea was NOT that I'd wait in the car for OVER AN HOUR. He stayed up there for over an hour and I got a wishy washy little text from MIL that wasn't an apology but an "Ive said all I wanted, so get over it now! xo!".
I crashed really hard after that. I knew we had put on a great wedding but she really screwed with me. For weeks I couldn't look at wedding pics, mine or others (and I'm a floral designer lmao).
I'm bettter after a few months; but there is still TONS of resentment on my end! She made sure she spoke sh** about me to my SIL, FIL (they arent married)....just innappropriate and hurtful. I don't trust anyone in the family anymore; And I have lost ALL respect for MIL. Believe me when I say, I hate to not LIKE her...but I can't seem to get it back for her!
She posts on facebook things that make me uncomfortable; her comments and posts to her son are, um...innapropriate, let's leave it at that.She seems confused as to appropriate family roles...*cough* She posts personal things on my wall; She constantly belittles me in the most passive of ways. She knows I post pics of my professional designs; sh will go on and on in her comments and posts so they are invisible lol. It's passive aggression at its finest.
My question, I suppose, is this: Would you feel justified in keeping her at a distance from now on, or would you force yourself to play along? I'm trying to keep the peace but it's exhausting; no respect for her, so I'm losing interest fast!
Am I entitled to close my relationship with her somewhat? To make it more formal and less buddy-buddy? Would this be adeal breaker for you (not in marriage, but for your relationship with MIL)....Thanks! Sorry for the novel, all!!!!
Re: MIL annoyance
you're still friend with her on FB because why?
block or unfriend.
i have to be honest-you sound a little dramatic 'i couldn't look at wedding pictures for months'. the wedding's over. it's done.
why either you or DH is still bothering with her at all is beyond me.
I thought I had heard enough and then got to the FB part where you say she posts inappropriate things involving your H .... and comments on your wall.... huh? You're FB friends with her? Why???
Do you and your H always bring coffee to people after they have offended you and treated you poorly? WTH.
Bottom line, I think you two should show yourselves some respect and cut ties with her already.
First, block her on Facebook. She could hurt your business or the place you work at and then you could be out of a job.
Second, yes you have every right to cut her off. It will only get worse as time goes on and will be even more exhausting.
Why are you trying to guide your H relationship with his mother? Don't suggest doing anything for her, with her or anything. Let them deal with each other, don't call her, see her or worry about her. She is unhinged. Very, very crazy.
De-friend and block her on FB. If she asks why, tell her you want your life to be more private.
Also, stop REWARDING her bad behavior with phone calls, coffee, chats, a shoulder to cry on, etc. Simply say "You are behaving rudely. When you are ready to apologize, please contact me." Then LEAVE HER BE!!! That includes your husband. You spent a lot of time and effort on her after she behaved badly at your wedding. You have taught her that negative attention is better than nothing, and if she wants to be "heard" she just has to throw a temper tantrum.
If she fails to apologize to you, I would remain cordial at large family gatherings (ie if SIL has a party), but I would skip going to her house one on one.
Why the hell did your new DH leave you in the car for an hour?? She just showed you that she can throw a fit, act the ass and you will jump to kiss it. Seriously, you need to be told to block her from FB? If the inappropriate comments are so creepy why isn't your DH telling her to knock it off? Does he notice or stick up for you when she is belittling you? If he isn't showing her that she cannot treat his wife like crap then he is the problem. He may think her behavior is normal since he grew up with her, but you certainly do not have to justify protecting yourself from the crazy.
All of this. The way I see it, you have two choices. You can either a) cut off contact to protect your sanity and your marriage (and maybe force her to do some thinking about her behaviour), or b) continue to coddle her and kowtow to her every toddler's tantrum. If you choose b, you do so with the understanding that you are both allowing her to treat you the way she does. (And if you choose b- please, no coming back here and complaining about her behaviour and craziness. It sucks to give good advice that is wilfully ignored.)
MIL needs to grow up, and you and DH need to get some balls. And ovaries. Your lives can be so much better!
I agree with this completely. I just had to cut my MIL out of my life and DH and I have only been married 2 months!! The day after we got married she threw one of her classic "pay attention to me" fits and that was it for me. However, it took just until last week when I was at work for DH to see the light and really chew her out for her behavior. He told me she was putting me against the entire in-law family and I didn't even know it! Anyway, DH defended me, left, and I've cut all ties with his family, FB included. I will be civil at Christmas but that will be one of the very few times I will go there. DH can call and visit all he wants as long as he can tolerate her behavior. I am done. Apparently she was all apologetic when he told her off and he told me he didn't really believe a word of it. Thank heavens he tells me about it at least. I know he can't cut ties with his family over me and I'm ok with that as long as he understands why I don't want any ties anymore. I hope your H can learn to be just as supportive.