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my (idiot) brother
First, Happy Holidays to everyone. I hope that everyone has a bit of magic and joy in the coming days.
Now...My father is coming to ours (in the U.S.) this year. It's kind of a big deal because we usually go to stay with him (in Europe).
My brother, sister and I all live in the same city. It was decided that my dude and I would host. A week ago, my brother who is somewhat spoiled and has been a huge troublemaker most of his life, decided to lay it on me that he is engaged to some woman he used to know, and reconnected with for about 30 minutes on his last business trip. He told me that this woman is coming to stay with him and if I do not welcome her in my home, he is not coming to Christmas dinner. I was annoyed a.) because he didn't ask. b.) because my dad has never stayed with me before and I wanted to keep the event intimate. c.) because I don't know this woman, except that she has left her 10 year old son with his grandparents for 3+ weeks while she flew across the country to be with my brother.
So, I told him it was too early and that I didn't want to have her over for dinner. We agreed that he would take his girlfriend and go to my mother's place. This seemed like a good idea, because now neither parent is alone.
Well, today my sister started questioning my decision. She had a conversation with my father who, had spoken to my brother, who laid it on thick about my not accepting his girlfriend, despite the fact that we had agreed on him going to our mothers.
I am frustrated with the whole situation, as I really don't want to see him now. My husband feels the same way I do and is also not supporting the idea of having my brother and his GF come to our place.
The problem is, I feel like a *** and now I am doubting my decision.
If I let them come, my husband will be annoyed for changing the plans. If I don't let them come, my brother will whine about it to everyone.
Sometimes I just want to get on a plane and fly far away.
Re: my (idiot) brother
I understand your annoyance w/ your brother and the questionable circumstances. I have a similar type of brother.
BUT this is still is (at least for the moment) his fiancee and I find it rude to exclude her. It's ONE person. ONE.
Christmas shouldn't be about excluding people.
Hell - for a little perspective, my aunt might die in the next day or two, and if so - Christmas is pretty much cancelled for my family and we're losing someone we love.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'm laughing at the circumstances around this engagement. Are they wanting/needing to spend the night? If not I think you should suck it up and have her over. If yes they want to stay over night, then they need to get a hotel or stay with your mom.
I totally understand your brother is a pita, I'm sure your family knows this. It's your house so who cares if he whines about it? I just don't see how his actions really reflect on you. He is the one with the crazy engagement.
I'm really sorry to hear about your Aunt.
Thank you for the advice. I hear you and may reconsider.
Merry Christmas to you and all the best.
Thank you!
I just learned the acronym pita, thanks to this message and I can't stop laughing.
He would want to spend the night. He usually drinks too much at these events to be able to drive, so unless he gets a hotel, it's my living room. Maybe they can have a bite here tomorrow and then get on the train to my mother's place...
Yes, it will likely be some version of this.
Thanks for replying!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
If you're having second thoughts, it's because you made a bad call. If he is engaged to her, you are the one behaving badly by not including her.
It doesn't matter if you're "ready" to meet her or if he's been a jackasss his entire life- common courtesy and accepted etiquette dictate she been welcomed as part of an official couple.
Update:
So I invited him in the end. The result was sort of like the beginning of the Hobbit, an invasion of sorts. It was not a great night. That said, the next evening was much better (mainly because he left and went to my mother's place). In the future, I shall follow my gut, even if it does not make me popular. People don't change.