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Curious
After a (tiresome) holiday with my IL's, I have come to realize that the only thing I have in common with my DH's family is him. Whenever I try to engage in conversation, they insult my intelligence. I teach and have been working in education for numerous years, and they criticize my educational philosophies. His niece is always rolling her eyes at me and being short with me, yet I am expected to treat her like the next coming. They all smoke and I the smell nauseates me. They were offended that I did not go outside on their "smoke breaks" citing that I was being anti-social. I have tried everything and always invite my IL's over to our house and suggest things to do with them. They always make it out to be a huge deal to travel to our house (we're 60 minutes away on a bad day) and it's the biggest inconvenience to visit them. On the flip side, they never suggest an alternative.
Re: Curious
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'm sorry, how are you engaging in conversation that digs into your "educational philosophies"? Are you sitting around spouting off how to best educate themselves and their children? If so, I can see the eye rolling in your direction.
You sound like you judge these people with the smoking being the worst thing ever. You don't smoke but they do, have you made your disgust for this known?
All of this. And this is something you have to figure out with your H.
Since you say he defends you, he must know how you feel about being around them. Whatever decision you make (go, don't go, every other year, leave if anyone says something nasty about you, etc), you and your H have to find something that you both can live with.
PS Best thing I ever did was send H to visit his family without me.
If kids are in your future plans, probably not the best option for you. But do you have to go with him EVERY time?
I have zero in common with my MIL. She's not an awful person, but she can be a bit judgey and critical.
I am civil and good-humoured with her. I make small talk with her when we get together (around once a month).
I don't go out of my way to socialise with her; ring her up, invite her out for coffee etc etc etc. I do nudge my husband along to make more effort with her from time to time because he's not great at keeping up contact with her. But basically I figure it's their relationship and leave them to it.
How does your husband feel about this all? Is he close with them? Does he go out and smoke with them? Is he telling them to back off/callingt hem out on rude behaviour?
Sometimes you're just not close with people and that's ok. As long as you're all civil it doesn't have to be a big deal.
This exactly!
My relationship with my MIL and FIL is civil, and that's all that it needs to be. I'm close with the rest of H's family, but his parents and I never got there. I'm ok with that, as long as we all remain respectful (at times they have not been, and it was H's job to put a stop to it). My H understands the nature of my relationship with his parents, and he tailors our visits to make them quick and easy. He also visits them without me often, which I think they prefer (I know I do). When kids come, it'll be much of the same. If they warm up to me then, great! If not, oh well. As long as our kids see a mutually respectful relationship, I'm content.
Meh, I can see this. They know you don't smoke and therefore assume that you judge smokers, so they treat you as though you judge them for it by being quite "in your face" about it, and overly defensive. I get the same with my vegetarianism, so I can see that being part of the issue maybe. Not much you can do about it.
And why the hell would you want to go join them on a "smoke break"?
As for the teacher thing, don't rise to their bait. Just let it go.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk