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please read and add your opinion
I am involved very seriously with my girfriend of a year and a half...her 3 kids. And extended family......I attended her extended family s thankgiving at her cousins. She and her kids came to my relatives for xmas eve......and "we" hosted dinner for her family and relatives at her home 3 times between xmas and new years day.....both she and I want me as involved as possible at family events .....dinners. kids activities and shows. ...........she has expressed many times how important it is for me to be there and be part of family events. .........today was a funeral for a family friend of her parents that my girfriend and her kids also knew from church and interacted with and felt close to.........I felt very surprised and left out when my girlfriend did not ask if I could attend with her and her family. And surprised she didn't express the need for my support......even just being along side her and hold her hand........she expressed many times in many other ways a need for my support. My presence and help at all kinds of family events etc...... after being told how important my presence is to her at family event s. And how needed my support is in other ways. I am at a loss to not be needed. Wanted or invited to be alongside her and her family at the funeral........I feel very separated by this and disappointed she didn't want or need me next to her......I also feel its very inconsistent to want me at all family events and activities and want to host family dinners together in her house. Yet not want me to be at her side at a funeral of family friend in which her parents and kids all attend as a family.......I felt since i am wanted by her as participant in family events and wanted as support in general .that she would want me at her side for this as well........its very upsetting to me and leaves feelings of not being as important or needed as I thought......mostly just felt very hurt and left out of comforting her ......not being asked to go with her made me feel unwelcome as part of family after being encouraged to be just that. ...I appreciate your thoughts and opinions.
Re: please read and add your opinion
I know that people have all kinds of ways of processing grief but to tell you the truth, I don't know what's up with her action regarding the wake and funeral.
She is the only one who can answer that question: have you discussed this with her? If so, what did she say? Did you get an answer that was a satisfactory to you?
So you think she more or less wants you by your side for Activities A, B and C but not for Activities D, E and F?
Then perhaps you should find another girlfriend.
Put yourself first. And make sure you trust your gut and that you are put first. GL.
Did she say she never wants you at a funeral with her ever? Grief is a funny thing and everyone reacts different to it. Also, this was a family friend not a family members funeral, who knows what that family wanted as far as attendance. The funeral could have been requested as only close friends and family, you it sounds like didn't know the person at all. I think it's strange that you are comparing hosting the Holidays with her to going to a funeral of someone you didn't know with her.
Do you feel you should attend everything in life with her? If so you may need a reality check, this will be impossable to achieve. Again, you have no idea what her mindset was with this so you might want to ask her. I'm guessing it has nothing to do with you.
I think you're overreacting and being overly needy. I agree with PP that a family friend is not the same thing as a family member and she may have thought she had no business inviting someone who didn't know the deceased, or as PP already said the family may have requested that the funeral/memorial etc. be small and intimate.
Let your girlfriend grieve for her family friend however she needs - if she wants you at most family events then I think you're reading more into this than you need to.
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I would've asked her if she wanted me to go and, if not, left it at that. Not an earth shattering event either way.
And seriously - watch your use of ...... Figure out how to end your sentences/thoughts properly w/ just ONE ".". Not a string of them.
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