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Rant about H's Best Friend
I need to vent and you ladies are the only ones it wouldn't cause drama too.
H's best friend is a great guy and I love him dearly. Him and his wife started dating a little after me and H and I considered them to be our best friends. They were both in our wedding. However, they got married before us and now have a 1 year old adorable little boy that me and H both adore.
SO here is the problem, The wife is a homebody, when me and her hang out its to go to dinner, see a movie, watch glee together. She is super mom and super teacher, she does not like to go to bars etc. Me and H enjoy still going out. As does the H's best friend, he wants "boy" time all the time because its the only time he gets to go out. He does not understand that me and H have other couple friends who go out and do things together. He gets mad at me and H when we want to go out together. He thinks that H should go out at least one night a week without me. They are already on a dart league together and see each other on Tuesday nights. Now he wants to take away one of our weekends together. Now, sometimes Im okay with it, I have a ton of single girls still and once in awhile I like a girl night, but not every weekend.
H feels bad for him because he doesnt get to go out as much as we do, well guess what buddy he has a kid that is what happens when he has a kid. H is a pushover, he has been getting better at telling them he has other things planned but this guy still gets mad. This guy needs to realize just because our lives are at different points right now doesn't mean H isn't his friend anymore. He always makes me feel like the bad guy! He has a wife, shouldn't he know your wife comes first. UGH! I'm so frustrated.
Thanks for listening to me vent!
Re: Rant about H's Best Friend
I don't really have any advice, but I completely agree with you that his wife and child should come first, and it doesn't seem like they do. It's very immature of him to to get mad when your H doesn't want to go out, especially since they already see each other once a week or more. I have a friend who used to act like this and eventually she had to learn that we were in different places in our lives and I could no longer see her 3x a week like when we were growing up.
Don't feel like you're in the wrong here. Your H just needs to continue to turn him down when he can't or doesn't want to hangout with his friend. Hopefully he'll get the hint that he needs to spend more time at home with his wife or go out with other people and not always rely on your H to fill his time.
That would be so annoying. I'm sorry you're struggling with him. He really should be more mature about things. We have a "friend" like this who crashed our wedding because he wanted to hang out with the people there. He is constantly struggling because he is the last single guy in a bunch of married guys and my H doesn't really like him...
H's coworkers try to get him to go out with them too. They're unmarried and think he's lame when he says he would rather go home. I think it is just the change of life...hopefully your H and his friend will figure it out!
People try to get H and I to go out too BUT honestly that's just not us. But I hate people who live a completely different life from you who think you should do things the way they do. It also bugs me that this guy is basically pushing the baby off on his wife while he gets to go out. It doesn't matter if she's this fabulous mother who can do it all point it that's his child and he needs to be there for them.
I'm sorry you are made out to be the bad guy. I know all too well how that feels and it sucks. But just realize it's just this guy and your H needs to get better at saying no and he needs to point out to his friend that your lives are not the same and he can't/won't go out all the time. Maybe even suggest doing things as a couple more instead of just the guys.
Sorry I hope it gets better!!
Ugh....friends are really the hardest. I agree with the previous posts that this guy needs to grow up and realize that he is married now with a baby and realize that his family comes #1. Easier said then done. It also isn't your place and maybe not even your husband's to bring him to this conclusion. Honestly, his wife needs to speak up and if she could care less, than I don't see anything changing - other than him finding a new "wing man". The eternal man-child are the worst!
My H's bf is similar to this. He and his wife are seperated now and have always had their troubles. To begin with they got married a few months after meeting in what my Hubby and I wonder if it was more the fact that she is a pretty lady with her own house. Yup...I laugh at the thought too. When H and I are back to his hometown in CA (i.e. our wedding) bf got super pissed because H wasn't spending time with him. Uh...hello....it's our wedding! His mom had passed away a couple of weeks before our wedding and I think it was more that than anything, but it still drove me nuts when he would get all kindergarten-ish that my soon to be hubby wasn't spending enough time with him during our wedding. Yeah...ok.
I wish I had more "advice" for you - but I'm getting the feeling this guy is not happy at home and therefore needs out. If your hubby isn't there....he'll just find someone else.
I completely agree with all of this! Although I don't have this problem (I wish H would go out without me more...I work evenings/ nights so on weekends he feels like he needs to spend every minute with me and sometimes it is just too much!), I agree that one a week is actually quite a lot of friend time with a specific friend at this stage in life. We are not teenagers with oodles of time on our hands anymore! Maybe your H could go out before or after darts with this friend on Thursdays and let him know that anything more then is a benefit or extra and not to be expected??
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