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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
MIL too nosy about baby plans
My husband and I spent a week at his family's house for Christmas and New Years. Just like with every visit, my MIL barraged me with the same baby-related questions. For example: Did we think we would have kids? How soon from now? Would I stay home with them once we do have them? Have we thought about freezing my eggs or his sperm just in case? I am in my late 20's with a high-powered job. I plan to have kids someday, on my timetable. I am not interested in freezing or IVF. If it doesn't happen, I will consider adoption, even though my MIL thinks it is impossible to bond with adopted children even as young as one year. I also don't see myself wanting to stay home for very long with the baby, despite her beliefs that I will want to or that I should. I feel very uncomfortable discussing these matters with anyone but my husband, let alone my MIL, but she can be very insistent. What is the nice way to tell her to butt out in the future?
Re: MIL too nosy about baby plans
I suggest you take back your life starting immediately.
You can:
1-Joke your way out of it: "I plan on having a friend carry it for me" or "I plan on looking in the nearest cabbage patch. Do you know of a good one? or do you know a good stork colony I can contact?" "Freeze his sperm? Aces! Can you buy us a sperm freezer for our next anniversary?"
2-Be more to the point: "Ma, I think we already discussed this topic" and change the topic
3-Tell her point blank to buzz off and mind her business.
This is none of her business. Tell her what you just told us:
"I feel very uncomfortable discussing these matters with anyone but my husband, let alone with you, my MIL, but as usual, you are very insistent. I am telling you nicely to butt out, starting here and now."
Stop explaining and defending yourself. She starts asking? You say "That's between DH and I". Each and every time. She doesn't stop? "Please resepct that and stop asking". and then get up and walk away or hang up if necessary.
She keeps asking and prodding because you answer and therefore she thinks she has a say, that her opinion matters.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
UGH I feel you, thankfully mine hasn't asked about babies but she sure likes to know everything else going on. I do feel bad for her, he husband left her, and the way he did it was horriable so she is all alone in her 5 bedroom house doing nothing. DH has a brother who lives on the other side of the country so she cant pester him.
Now I've had people on facebook (people my own age who do have kids) make comments about us having a baby and we havent even been married a month. Ive tried to make it very clear and will continue to say in 4 years we'll have a baby.
It is such a personal decision to make that no should ever consider themself close enough to help you make that decision- family or not. You could go around the question and say you discussed with your doctor a plan and in a few years your going to put that plan into action. Or have your husband stand up to her and tell her to get off your back. I personally feel that my husband should be the barrier between his mom and I. My mom is so nonchalant (spelling?) about my personal business, and she has always been that way, if I want to tell her soemthing she will listen but she doesnt ask questions and she minds her own. It was a RUDE awakening when his mom came along- she sent an email this morning with a list of everything she is doing this week like I care where she is at and what she is doing. (f***ing weird if you ask me) Good luck and stand your own, its your body and yours and the DH decision when you if/want to start a family.
I agree with the gist of what the PP's are saying. Find a way to firmly but tactfully tell her that this is a private matter that you don't think appropriate to discuss with her. However, keep in mind that this may just result in her pestering DH with these questions, so make sure he's towing the party line with you.
There's always the "That's not on our agenda right now. We may discuss in a couple more years." which should get her to clam up for a while.
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
I'm 37 and have been married just over a month? and the baby questions started from BEFORE the wedding. LMAO
I received some advice to give the following reply: "I'm not sure, for now we're having fun just practicing?". I haven't tried that response yet, but apparently it gets people to shut up because they wind up picturing you having sex and it embarrases them enough to just stop talking.
Personally I like pissing people off with: "We're not sure we want kids." (Or something like it). They get mad, I laugh and that's the end of the conversation. Or I say something like "we'll see in 3, or 4, or 5 years and then start trying"? people do the math really quick and freak out? THEN I start laughing at them and they shut up. Since then, the baby questions have STOPPED.
I love my family and in-laws, but that's such a personal and intrusive question? and my obnoxious response has so-far put an end to all the questions.
This is perfect!! I'd also ask DH to help fend off MIL.