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MIL trying to weasel her way into our vaca
Oh boy so here's the little dilemma we are in. My sweet hubbs has kindly offered my mother an all expense paid trip to Puerto Rico with us and our 3 yr old son. Its a thank you for all that she did for us when my son was a baby as she was always there to watch him while we worked. She has cared for him on numerous date night and wedding occasions. She works full time and never takes a vaca except when its something medically necessary like the surgery she recently had. My mom also helps me out a considerable amount financially since I am only able to work very part time which makes me feel extremely guilty but that's a different post.
Anyway, so now my MIL wants in on this trip. She lives about an 1 1/2 hrs away so that is a factor as to why she was not as involved with our son but to be perfectly honest, I don't think she would be that hands-on even if she were. Besides, we have been on many vacations with just that side of the fam.
How do we gently tell her that this trip is just for my mom to relax and enjoy?
If she comes, I know we will have a whole itinerary planned out. Plus, my mom doesn't speak English so there's that to consider as well. Sorry but Ahhh!
Re: MIL trying to weasel her way into our vaca
does your MIL know you are paying for your mom...
you could allow her to come, but to pay her own expenses...I wouldn't make it known then that you are paying for your mom (but the fact that you are is the thank you)
you could tell your MIL that you plan on taking a trip with her later, again no need to foot the bill for this one
All of this.
Your DH tells his mom it's payment for the help she gives you and refuses money for.
I don't understand though, if your mom is helping you "financially" how is this an "all expense paid" gift? Maybe you should use the money earmarked for the trip and pay her back and let her decide what to do with it?
agree
and your dh needs to just tell his mom no. This is not difficult.
This.
Not for nothing, but I can u derstand why your MIL is not "seeing" why she isn't invited. One normally doesn't thank someone else for providing financial and logistical support by making MORE debt, thus forcing them to financially support you for a longer period.
One usually thanks them by repaying the loans, just the loans.
so to your MIL, your just going on a family vacation. Rude to ask to go along, but not as presumptuous as the first.
I agree with Illuminie - she is helping you financially but then you're now turning around and saying that you're paying for the other grandmother to come on a vacation but not only are you not paying for her too, but straight up saying to her that she can't even come.
This is why mixing family with money is a pretty bad idea.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Yeah, I have to wonder about the logic of taking her on a trip when she helps support you.
That aside, your DH needs to tell his mom "no". Nicely but firmly.
And just as a general note- if you do ever vacation w/ her and she plans out an itinerary, you CAN say "enjoy yourself! We'll see you when you get back from doing __. We're going to do __ today!".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I agree with this!
Your husband needs to tell her.
And seriously, how can you afford to fly 4 people to Puerto Rico for vacation but you need your mom to help you with normal expenses because you don't work much? I think you're worrying about the wrong thing here.... I'm all for vacation but I can't fathom paying for one when I'm asking my mom for financial help to get by.
What's weird for me is the obvious divide you have with your finances.
Your DH is paying for this trip, and your Mum helps YOU out. You seem to view your finances very separately, maybe if you viewed them as joint thing, you might be able to pull together more effectively to achieve whatever financial goals you may have.
That all aside, yeah tell MIL no, and stop discussing plans with her. What you plan with one side of the family, has nothing to do with the other.