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Live in Sister-In-Law
My wife and I have just celebrated our 4 years this past Decemeber. My wife is from Poland, and we met playing in a co-ed soccer league. Our marriage is great and we are both happy, but I have only one complaint... The sister in law. I love my sister in law, and she is a great person. But since we have been married, we have not had our home just to our selves. I try to be patient about everything I am about to share, because they are twins and all of their family is back in Poland.
I finally got the SIL to move out a year and a half ago, but her dog got into trouble and now the dog has to stay with us. (Her apt is in our condo neighborhood, so she is 2 mins away) The dog is destroying our house which causes my wife and I to argue, and when I bring this to my SIL attention, she replies that it's only things that I shouldn't worry so much about it....?!
My SIL doesn't get along with her room mate so she basically sleeps on our couch 4 days a week, and when she is not working she is hanging out at our house for the nights/mornings.
I am trying really hard to be patient, but coming home everyday where the walls and base boards are all scratched up, the couch is covered in dog hair, the house is clutter with dog toys and my SIL's stuff is all over the house. Not to mention, I would like to have a nice quite evening with my wife just the 2 of us.
I am not sure how to solve this problem, but everytime I bring it up with my wife, it starts an argument and I would hate for this to be the reason for our marriage to fall apart. Any adivce would be greatly appreciated.
Re: Live in Sister-In-Law
I agree with PP. This is also a wife issue not a SIL issue. Your SIL wouldn't be able to do any of this if your wife didn't allow her. The dog would be gone if I was you, and you should tell your wife you are going to start charging her sister rent. Talk to your wife and tell her this isn't working for you and something HAS to change.
Also, do you watch Real Housewives of Miami? You should, this same problem with the sister and the Poland angle is on this show. This maybe mud. Lol
All of this.
I think it's time to get down to the nitty gritty. First, get out of the apartment - take a drive, get a coffee and sit in the car and talk. There is nothing worse than knowing a family member you are trying to avoid may get back any minute and will put you both on edge and defensive - get out and have some real alone time with no distractions. You need to talk about this meaning have a conversation. Do not talk AT eachother. Focus on keeping your tone non-dominating. Find out how she feels about this situation that has obviously been going on long enough and that will hopefully lead to a calm, cool and collected discussion about how she thinks it is effecting your marriage and how it makes you feel. It sounds like if she is willing to get in multiple arguements with you about this (and willing to ignore your discomfort) then there is something she is NOT dealing with. She must not like to tell her sister "no", but your spouse becomes your immediate family when you say those vows and your old immediate family becomes your EXTENDED family. YOU come first.
Further suggestions - get rates on doggy day care or sit the sister down about moving so she can accomodate a dog that she obviously isn't mature enough to handle. Either get her to move or y'all move plan and simple. If it complicates your life a little but yet adds physical distance between your SIL then I personally would rather deal with that.
I have a very dramatic and high mainenance SIL as well and my fiance and I aren't even married yet! She almost ruined my engagement because she made a 360 and decided she hated me and ignored me for months on end and I had no idea why. Her behavior was even effecting all of us when we were all together - she was just down-right moody, derragotory and HORRIBLE. None of my fiance's family is pro-active and VERY nonconfrontational which only made me feel alone and unprotected and I was the one that had to fix everything on my own.
All in all, dealing with a spouses family is a toughy and I commend you for being so patient. I would personally be going crazy if that was happening and that shows a lot on your character to be handling it so strongly. I wish you the best and you will stay in my thoughts and prayers that you both will meet a mutual solution.
This! Plus, it really stinks when you work hard for a nice place and you come home to it to being a mess. The SIL is disrespecting you and your wife, but your wife is allowing it to happen. It's definitely a wife problem! Honestly, I don't know how anyone can live like that. I don't know how your wife isn't upset that the house/condo is a mess and it's from her own sister.
Lol..I watched this episode! Joanna and I can't remember the fiance and SIL's name, at the moment.