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MrsAmers · January 2013

This is exactly why I go away on girl's weekend every year. It is incredibly important for my happiness.

http://parentswisdom.wordpress.com/2013/01/07/mummy-sabbatical-101-im-leaving-the-kids/

egpitt22 · January 2013

I totally agree....I'll be packing my bags next week and heading off to NYC with my BFF next weekend, I cannot wait!!

I miss the kids and Brian, and I'm always ok with coming home....but it does a world of good to step outside of the mommy box for those few days.

amyjoy18 · January 2013

While I would love to do this, I'm in the mommy martyr catagory. I would also have trouble getting my DH on board. And I would be nervous about leaving. I know I get majory frustrated and overwhelmed when I have to solo parent. Which makes me feel guilty for putting DH through that.

But I completely envy the girls who do get to do that and think it's awsome.

Meghan&Rich · January 2013

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Yes...

"For those who you who like to say the most dreaded sentence have ever heard ?Oh their Dad is babysitting them today?, I say He?s not babysitting they are his children it?s his responsibility to take care of them too, he doesn?t need a standing ovation and a cut lunch."

I know it's one of those stupid comments/questions that everyone feels compelled to ask for some reason, but it always cracks me up when I travel for work or go away for a weekend and people ask me "Who's watching the kids?" Um, their dad. "Oh boy, how's he going to handle that, hahaha." Um, like most capable adults.

and YES!!...

"What I?m trying to say is that behaving like a martyr as a parent isn?t going to make you a better parent or help you raise independent, respectful humans. It just doesn?t do anything useful for anyone, it doesn?t help your child develop skills, it doesn?t get your needs met and it doesn?t win you any friends."

Any time I feel the mom guilt creeping in about things I do for myself, I think about what kind of life I want my kids to live as adults and am reminded of a quote that always sticks with me: "Be the person you want your child to be." I would hate it if my kids stopped experiencing certain things for themselves just because they became a parent.

Now I'm inspired to plan a girl's trip!

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Meghan&Rich · January 2013

Wow, the nest really doesn't like copying and pasting! haha!

AmandaJLewis · January 2013

amyjoy18:
While I would love to do this, I'm in the mommy martyr catagory. I would also have trouble getting my DH on board. And I would be nervous about leaving. I know I get majory frustrated and overwhelmed when I have to solo parent. Which makes me feel guilty for putting DH through that.

But I completely envy the girls who do get to do that and think it's awsome.

So my DH has his weekend away each year too, so if he can leave me home alone then I am not having any issue doing the same. Work travel doesn't count IMO, but I have single parent time due to that as well. Sure, it is challenging at times but he is just as capable of dealing with that stress and work as I am. And I think I am immune to guilt in general. hahaha. So this is why I take a weekend each year without my kid. What I really want to do is eventually have a weekly vacation just me and Kev, and then another with EJ. hahaha. But that is cost prohibitive now (not to mention would eat up our vacation days pretty quick) but a girl can dream right? Our neighbors in the old neighborhood always found a great balance between their own lives and that of their children. It is what I hope to be able to attain. And I am a better mom when I have me time. Which is part of why I work Wink It s frowned upon to be a SAHM who sends their kid to full time daycare. hahaha

AmandaJLewis · January 2013

Meghan&Rich:
Wow, the nest really doesn't like copying and pasting! haha!

I think if you would have done it in notepad and not word/email you would have had less issues with the stupid formatting junk included. Geeked

amyjoy18 · January 2013

I agree that it should be done...I just can't seem to pull the trigger. I think the fact that I'm still nursing makes it more difficult for me as well--I have major mommy guilt over night weaning (again, we already night weaned once, and it came undone when Nolan was sick for a week with a temp of 103.)

At this point I'd settle for spending the night at a hotel a few minutes from our house just so I can get a full night of uninterrupted sleep, instead of being awakened every 2 -3 hours.

egpitt22 · January 2013

amyjoy18:
I agree that it should be done...I just can't seem to pull the trigger. I think the fact that I'm still nursing makes it more difficult for me as well--I have major mommy guilt over night weaning (again, we already night weaned once, and it came undone when Nolan was sick for a week with a temp of 103.)

At this point I'd settle for spending the night at a hotel a few minutes from our house just so I can get a full night of uninterrupted sleep, instead of being awakened every 2 -3 hours.

I felt guilty traveling when nursing, too, so I understand that part. I would still have girls night out and pump when I got home, but I passed up a few work conferences because I honestly just didn't feel like dealing with the hassle of hauling the pump and milk on the plane, and felt guilty leaving him for a few days at a time. I went away for a night to surprise my BFF at her baby sprinkle, but other than that, I did avoid traveling when nursing.

But---I do think you deserve at least a night out to yourself!! You should do it!

egpitt22 · January 2013

And Meghan-I could not agree more with the statement about daddy babysitting. It drives me insane. If I didn't feel like my husband was capable of taking care of our children unsupervised, I would have never volunteered to have kids with him in the first place.

AmandaJLewis · January 2013

BFing certainly complicates matters (and makes it impossible to "forget" about being a mom) I did it for a wedding when EJ was 9 months old. It was really refreshing though! Aside from all of the pumping. I couldn't wait to see her again after 5 days away!

gwennythepooh · January 2013

I had to travel to Georgia last year to help my dad out after he broke his ankle. I got a LOT of judgy looks when I said that my (at the time) 11 month old daughter was at home with her Dad. And for the life of me, I couldn't understand it. It wasn't like I left her with a random neighbor, she was with DH! You know, the guy who had a part in bringing her into this world? I'd think he'd be an acceptable person to care for her:P Was it hard leaving my kiddo for a few days, yes. But there's no one I trust more than DH with our child, so that helped immensely. (I will say pumping/lugging all the milk home was a PITA, but doable).

MrsAmers · January 2013

amyjoy18:
I agree that it should be done...I just can't seem to pull the trigger. I think the fact that I'm still nursing makes it more difficult for me as well--I have major mommy guilt over night weaning (again, we already night weaned once, and it came undone when Nolan was sick for a week with a temp of 103.)

At this point I'd settle for spending the night at a hotel a few minutes from our house just so I can get a full night of uninterrupted sleep, instead of being awakened every 2 -3 hours.

Amy, it is definitely trickier while still nursing. I've done it both ways and the weekend is definitely nicer when I don't have to leave the group to pump a few times a day. But the ability to get totally uninterrupted sleep is priceless. And given all the nights that DH was able to sleep through overnight nursing sessions, I did not feel bad that he had to deal with wakings solo for two nights.

You deserve a break. The length of the break is up to you, but you deserve it!

DH's new tradition is to take the kids to his mom's during the weekend that I'm away. We go once a month anyway, so this means less time at home without me and that I get a break from the visits. Win-win.

Meghan&Rich · January 2013

AmandaJLewis:
Meghan&Rich:
Wow, the nest really doesn't like copying and pasting! haha!
I think if you would have done it in notepad and not word/email you would have had less issues with the stupid formatting junk included.

I'm such a non- Geeked (well, I am, but not when it comes to technology) that I don't even know what notepad is!

valkaz · January 2013

Her lack of editing/sentence structure/grammatical & spelling errors made it a bit hard to read. Is she from another country?

I understand her points to some extent, but everyone is different. I don't think parents who choose to stay home with their children and not take time away for solo vacations/trips are necessarily doing it to be martyrs.

rona118 · January 2013

amyjoy-- I am like you. DH would probably be somewhat on board though... I just have too much guilt over it. Silly to many. My DH travels ALOT and often it can not be planned weeks out. He finds out on a friday he has to go for 3 days the next week. And he has a million hobbies. I don't. And probably when I am 40 I will have a flip out nervous breakdown, but at least I am prepared. Every New Year I say I will do more for myself and every year I don't. Just how I am. My mom comes over most saturdays and I get some time to myself to run errands etc. I guess that is my time.

egpitt22 · January 2013

I also don't think it even needs to be something as elaborate as a weekend away; I find that even just heading out for an evening with a friend to catch a movie, or get dinner, is refreshing to me.

sometimes I'll take just going to Target or the mall by myself for 2 hours as "me" time and it's enough! If it means I'm not handing out snacks or clicking kids in their carseats while I'm out & about-I'll take it!!

amyjoy18 · January 2013

egpitt22:

I also don't think it even needs to be something as elaborate as a weekend away; I find that even just heading out for an evening with a friend to catch a movie, or get dinner, is refreshing to me.

sometimes I'll take just going to Target or the mall by myself for 2 hours as "me" time and it's enough! If it means I'm not handing out snacks or clicking kids in their carseats while I'm out & about-I'll take it!!

This is me now! I come back so happy and ready to play.

Meghan&Rich · January 2013

I agree, I don't think it needs to be an elaborate get away, but anything for yourself - whether it be lunch, a hobby, whatever you need. It's so easy to put a lot of pressure on yourself as a mom, and some let their guilt keep them from doing something for yourself, when really everyone can benefit if you do!

We all need to do what makes us happy. I don't think moms are being martyrs who don't choose to go away - if it doesn't work for you, don't do it! But there is a lot of the martyr mom effect out there, where doing something for yourself gets the side-eye or not sacrificing "bubble baths, designer purses, sleep" (or whatever that FB copy/paste status is that goes around every once in a while) gets the selfish label.

lishie · January 2013

I love doing one long weekend away with Steve each year. It's a nice break. I'm also a firm believer in each of us having one "me" night each week, if we want it. Tonight is Steve's, and he's going tool shopping and has been looking forward to it. I tend to use mine to hang out with friends--last week I had dinner and saw Flashdance at Heinz Hall.

I'm also selfish, and most Fridays that I'm off, I still send the kids to school (well, now Jackson has to go, but I usually send Michael for at least half a day) and do all of the chores I need to child-free, so we can spend our weekend doing things that are more fun. I love "me" time, and I love my kids.

MrsAmers · January 2013

valkaz:
I understand her points to some extent, but everyone is different. I don't think parents who choose to stay home with their children and not take time away for solo vacations/trips are necessarily doing it to be martyrs.

My DH doesn't have as much desire for weekends away and nights out as I do. I don't think he's a martyr for choosing not to go away. His preference is to be with the family and that's great. Maybe I have more need for time away and time alone since I was an only child from a quiet household. :-)

But I do think that if someone WANTS to have time off from parenting (whether it be 2 hours or 2 weeks) and they don't take it because they think they "shouldn't", then they are being a martyr and they aren't doing their family any favors.

AmandaJLewis · January 2013

MrsAmers:
My DH doesn't have as much desire for weekends away and nights out as I do. I don't think he's a martyr for choosing not to go away. His preference is to be with the family and that's great. Maybe I have more need for time away and time alone since I was an only child from a quiet household. :-)

yes, I agree. and I know that I need time alone to regroup/refresh myself. and if I don't take that time away it builds up and I get super cranky at everyone. Which is why I am grateful that K has learned to live with this and will give me 10 minutes to sit in my room alone now and then to regain my coping skills! I also understand that he has no need for this type of time but requires more recreational time than I do. I think the important part of the article is like Amy said, don't let your family obligations keep you from having a life outside of that space.

gwennythepooh · January 2013

lishie:

I love doing one long weekend away with Steve each year. It's a nice break. I'm also a firm believer in each of us having one "me" night each week, if we want it. Tonight is Steve's, and he's going tool shopping and has been looking forward to it. I tend to use mine to hang out with friends--last week I had dinner and saw Flashdance at Heinz Hall.

I agree with this - we try to make sure we both each get some time to do whatever we like as individuals. DH is an amateur astronomer, so he loves packing up his telescope and going stargazing. I like to meet up with my girlfriends for gossip/wine. But it's nice because it also gives the other parents some good quality time one on one with DD

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