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BFF is pregnant...not keeping baby
I got a call from one of my best friends yesterday that she found out that she is pregnant. It was totally unplanned and she's not in the position the keep the baby.
She's young...the father is just a guy she recently started dating and she's at the end of her trial period at the place she's working so she'll be unemployed sometime soon and she doesn't any money saved up.
While I understand and am supportive in whatever decision she needs to make, I'm having a hard time with this...probably because I am pregnant and I know lots of people who have a hard time getting pregnant.
I checked in on her today to see how she's doing and she invited me over for dinner with another one of our friends. I'm probably going to stop over and see her but I just don't want to feel awkward since I'm pregnant myself (and clearly overjoyed about it!)
I just needed to tell someone and share how I'm feeling since I don't want to make her feel bad about this....I think my only advice to her is going to be to get on BC ASAP (because she's not on anything and practices extremely unsafe sex...hardly ever using condoms and not even the pull and pray method) other than that...I really just need her to know that I support her decision even if it's difficult for me right now....ugh vent over!
Missing Our July Sparkler
BFP#1-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13
BFP#2-4/23/13 EDD-01/02/14 baby BOY born 12/31/13 Michael Cameron 
Re: BFF is pregnant...not keeping baby
I have to say I would be upset as well, mostly since she's unsafe, what do you think is going to happen? If you don't protect yourself you will get pregnant or get a STD. Sorry if that came off as harsh. One of the programs at my work teaches pregnany prevention programs/safe sex so it's a hot button issue for me.
Just support her, it's a difficult decision to make and go through. Hopefully she heeds your advice and starts to use protection!
Ugh I know, right! She's young but she's old enough to know better! I'm really hoping that this will be a wake up call for her to get smart about sex
Missing Our July Sparkler
BFP#1-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13
BFP#2-4/23/13 EDD-01/02/14 baby BOY born 12/31/13 Michael Cameron
By "not keep the baby" do you mean she's aborting it or she's putting it up for adoption?
I really hope she's considering putting the baby up for adoption, there are SO many couples that can't have babies that could give that baby a really good life.
What a sad situation
Good luck to her.
My BFP Chart Danger Love Blog
I was wondering the samething. I would hate to see a friend abort a baby, it would be hard to support her decision and be there for her.
not adoption...ugh this makes me so sad
Missing Our July Sparkler
BFP#1-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13
BFP#2-4/23/13 EDD-01/02/14 baby BOY born 12/31/13 Michael Cameron
Although I am a huge fan of adoption....this is heartbreaking to me for other reasons as I worry about women who choose abortion and regret it in hindsight. Has she done sufficient research about abortion? I know a lot of women who have gone through with abortions have regretted it later for many reasons (physically: can damage your body...have weird periods/trouble conceiving or holding a pregnancy later in life when she IS ready, or emotional issues such as guilt or hormonal related that are unexpected.) Maybe you could suggest she talk to a crises pregnancy counsellor as their job is not to "sway" one way or the other but they can provide correct (not rumor) information on every options, adoption, abortion and/or raising the child to help her make a better informed decision.
My Blog:Through My Eyes
Ugh...blah. I'm just so sorry she and you are going through this. I feel for you both. I had a friend in a similar situation that chose the route your friend is right now. It was awful. She still struggles with it and it's been almost 4 years later. It was also so hard for me to be "supportive". I mean I was full force and gave her every emotional thing that she needed, but then it took a toll on me as well. You want to be the mighty oak to help her through this, but you are weeping inside and it is a terrible situation to be in. Being in the category of not able to have children, it's hard to watch someone just "give up" in my book, but it also isn't my life.
The best advice I can give you having been in your same boat (well, minus being pregnant myself part!) is just give her the support she needs but also be honest with her when you feel like you need to step away for a time. Trust me, this will happen and she needs to be fully aware that you need it to. It's a grief process for her and those around her. I hope that she takes your advice and takes responsiblity for her future sexual actions.
Sending you <<hugs>> and prayers...
I am so sorry! While I am not currently TTC it always makes me wonder that because I desperately want to have a baby one day, that it may not happen so easily for me, yet there are so many who accidentally get pregnant and have abortions. While I am not against abortion, I could never have one myself, but I am much more careful when it comes to birth control.
4 years ago one of my best friends learned she was pregnant, she was in denial for the first 3-4 months, even though our other BFFs and I had a strong feeling she was, but she denied it. When she finally realized she was pregnant she decided to have an abortion. She had a BF, but things were kind of rocky at the time (they are now engaged...) When she went to have the abortion she was actually further along in the pregnancy than she thought (too far to have an abortion). She then decided to give her baby up for adoption. When she gave birth all of the doctors and nurses knew she was giving the baby of for adoption and she had said she didn't want to hold the baby when it was born, but they kept asking her and then she did. Then she changed her mind and kept her son. And while her decision hasn't been easy, I know she is very happy it all worked out the way it did.
The thing about abortions that worries me is that something could go wrong causing you to be infertile plus all of the emotional issues that may not even come up for several years after.
I would just talk to her about her options because she has several and maybe if she is interested, some kind of counseling that could help her make a more informed decision.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.
I have mixed feelings about this situation. When you say she is young, how young are we talking? Either way, I am sure she is old enough to know what she is doing, as far as not using protection of any sort when it comes to having sex. I feel as if she's just taking the easy way out of this situation because it is convenient for her. I know that opinion is harsh but maybe she needs to hear that. It's important to be by her side through all of this because at the end of the day she is still your friend but you need to stay true to yourself and what you feel. Be honest with her, if/when she asks, because you won't be doing anyone any favors by holding back those feelings. You may eventually resent her or become upset with her if you don't voice your opinions now. I'm not saying she needs a lecture but she needs someone she can trust to speak openly with her about the situation. Not that it's any of my business, and you don't have to answer, but did she tell her BF about being pregnant? Again, I understand if you don't want to answer that. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this and I hope you can find a way to talk to her about it while still staying true to your feelings.
I know how difficult that must be for you, especially since you're pregnant. It sounds like your friend is in a rough spot, and that is kind of you to be so supportive. I can't imagine facing pregnancy with a new man and impending umemployment. I'm sure as your pregnancy progresses and she sees your joy, it will be hard on her. My friend had an abortion around the time my niece was born, and she told me it was hard for her to see or hear about my niece because she was constantly reminded how old her child would be and what he/she would be doing.
I hope that your friend becomes more responsible, but I personally wouldn't waste too much of your energy to educate her. I'm sure she understands how BC works and hopefully this will be a wake-up call for her.
Again, sorry you (and your friend) are going through this.
Sorry for not writing back until now...I wasn't at work yesterday and I wanted to be on a real computer so I could actually type out a better response....
My friend is going to Planned Parenthood this morning to have the procedure done. She doesn't want to tell her father because she's still on her Dad's health insurance (her mother passed away when she was 8 years old which brings up a whole new other set of reasons on why she's emotionally a mess)
She has two older sisters who have also had this "done" before (ugh!) and they seemed to agree with her that it needs to be done...so by the time I saw/hung out with her, the decision was made so I just needed to be there for her and tell her that things will be ok, and that she needs to make sure that she gets on BC and makes an appointment with her therapist ASAP.
Her BF is going to the appointment with her and paying for the entire thing (since she's broke...) I'm just really hoping that she doesnt go into a deep depression and that she doesn't have any complications when she's ready to TTC in the future...
toothpastechica- One of my biggest fears for her is that she's going to have this done and then not be able to have children after because of the possibility of damage to that area..with her mind made up already, I was too afraid to bring this up with her especially since she's already freaking out...I guess I"ll just have to hope that everything goes "ok" and she won't have issues later on
littleshrink-thanks for the T&P...I'll be stepping away from the situation when I feel like its getting to be too much for me.
AurorasEnvy-Ugh I know its really not that hard to not get pregnant!
mandi-I know that my friend would never be able to carry a child and then give him/her up for adoption,...she's just not emotionally stable enough to do something like that, unfortunatly. She'll be going to her counselor/therapist soon to talk about what has happened.
spalko-she's 24...so not all that young (there are plenty of ppl TTC at that age.) She also knows that she's been practicing unsafe sex and has told me that she is going to go on BC asap...hopefully she does because this can't be done as a back up plan another time...
amcourt-thanks for the T&P
kimberly-I have a feeling that she will get emotional/upset as my pregnancy progresses but I'm really hoping that she will be there for me, like I am for her right now, even though its hard.
Missing Our July Sparkler
BFP#1-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13
BFP#2-4/23/13 EDD-01/02/14 baby BOY born 12/31/13 Michael Cameron