Philadelphia Nesties
mzovoce
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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S/o how much communication?
In the confession post I said how much the parents seem to want. We talked about it when we first met and we seemed to be on the same page. Now that I'm pregnant I think they would really like daily check ins. I'm really struggling with this. What do I say? The responsibility that I have is not lost on me. Just need to find a solution that is equitable to both. Currently I have nothing to report on a regular basis.
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Re: S/o how much communication?
Assuming this whole set up is through an agency of some sort? I would definitely ask them what the norm is. I totally understand their want for a daily report but I'm sitting here thinking to myself "if i had to tell someone about my pregnancy daily, i'd really have nothing to say" so I can see your point of view as well.
There has to be a happy medium.
My little nuggets
I think if they want something every day, you can always say "Nothing new to report".
I know this sounds really cold and detached, but its basically like a job you get paid for, right? And some bosses are up your ass more than others.
ditto to all of this.
I do have a caseworker she's gotten involved twice before about communication. When I lost the weight this summer they wanted daily weigh ins and I put my foot down and said once a week was fine.
I just wanted to make sure I wasn't out of line. DH thinks I should send them something daily. But there really aren't day to day changes. I don't feel comfortable sending "nothing new today", I would be fine with it once or twice but the fourth day in a row is silly.
I did have to get a new bra yesterday because the girls have grown but don't feel comfortable sharing that level of intimacy with them.
I would definetly follow up with the caseworker. Maybe she can get them to agree to a few times a week.
In the interim, maybe just say things in a general sense, such as "feeling good today, just wanted to let you know" or something like that. I don't think they need to know you visited Victoria's Secret.
I'd go back through the caseworker. I wonder if they're feeling concerned you're keeping stuff from them since you didn't tell them about the pneumonia?
How often were you thinking would be comfortable/appropriate to speak to them? Maybe by shooting them an email every other day or every few days it would rest their mind that you're both ok and they won't stress too much.
I agree that it's totally important for you to be able to set boundaries. There has to be a happy medium you can all agree on.
This is how it's been for a while. I didn't mean to keep things from them, but again they parent me and only my symptoms could be treated since it was viral. I didn't need the tons of emails of remedies that I had gotten before when I said I had morning sickness. I needed to sleep which is exactly what I did.
Im terrified to tell them I'm starting ballet, since they sign every email with "take it easy and ret up". I'm pregnant not an invalid.
I've been thinking about this all morning and I get where they are coming from. If I was them, I'd want to know every little detail and then I'd freak out a bit when I learned that you had pneumonia and didn't tell me.
I can also see your side of things and totally understand that most of the time, there is nothing to report. I imagine this type of conflict comes up often and that the caseworker would best know how to resolve the issue. It's not going to be an enjoyable experience if it doesn't get resolved.
I'm a bit surprised there weren't any guideline in place from the beginning.
#1 12.11.11
#2 10.23.13 EDD
Exercise is good for you and the baby and should also help you have an easier time during delivery. If it was me, I'd be thrilled to hear you were being active.
Also, where are you taking ballet? I wanna join!!!
I guess I just don't get this. I mean, their baby is in you. They are paying you (right?). You've already kept a major illness, an illness that could have harmed their child, from them.
I was a wreck with both pregnancies about making sure my babies were ok. I can't imagine what it would be like to feel as helpless as they probably do because someone else is carrying their kid.
I agree with all of this. If my kid was inside of someone else you better darn well believe I would be up their butt and want to know every va-jay-jay/ute detail in full. I would be full out stalker status.
i see this side too, but when we discussed things initially we never agreed to a certain amount of communication. They've already been asked twice to pull back (which they did). They're baby is taken care if as well as I can. Your comments make it sound as though I don't care. I do, I went to the doctor promptly, followed up an followed up again.
I definitely don't think it is that you don't care. I just think of it like "what if my kid just was away from me for nine months and I couldn't control anything".
No one said this. Or thinks it.
This is the dads' first pregnancy, but separated by thousands of miles (didn't you say before you were in CA to meet them?). You already have had a baby, so much of the physical changes you are experiencing is not new, but to them...it's totally new, and exciting, as well as nothing that they'll ever be able to physically experience. The end will result in the dads becoming a family of three.
I suspect that most of their desire to communicate frequently comes from excitement in preparation for their baby and not out of malice. Do you know how long they waited to be matched with you as a surrogate? Was this a long process for them?
I do think the daily weight is a bit over the top (Weight Watchers suggests weekly-only weigh-ins) b/c we all know that our weight can fluctuate after eating dinner or even just going to the bathroom. But I think something like sickness (even just a minor cold) should be shared. Silly stuff like food cravings or letting them know when you feel the baby move could bring them a smile or let them feel more "involved." (I don't think you are excluding them, but I suspect they are probably just so damn excited that even the most inane things would make them feel more part of the pregnancy.)
I'm trying to see both sides in this scenario.