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Would you tell the girl? I'm torn.
I learned through FB that my ex husband has a girlfriend. I am not friends with him on Facebook nor do I speak to him. Before anyone lashes out at me here...I did not spy to find out this information. I saw a pic of a girl kissing someone who looked like my ex in a pic and learned it was him.
Would you tell the girl that he is a cheat or let it be? I can care less that he has a girlfriend. I no longer have any feelings for him. I would hate for him to hurt someone else like he hurt me. I highly doubt he told her that he cheated on me.
Not only did he cheat on me but he also cheated on the girl he cheated on me with and has gone to prostitutes/escort services.
Edited to add: It is not about being vindictive. This guy is a whore. Personally, I would want to know.
Re: Would you tell the girl? I'm torn.
You might mean well, but seriously, mind your own business.
If he hasn't already started showing his true colors to her, she's just going to assume you're a crazy ex-gf that's stalking him on FB and wants him back or can't stand the thought of him dating somebody else. And if she confronts him about you contacting her, he's just going to say the same thing: that you're crazy and want him back or at least don't want him dating anybody else.
You might think you're doing her a favor, but the only thing it's going to do is make you look like you're trying to break them up. If he's really as bad as you say he is, she'll find out on her own in due time, and can decide on her own what to do from there.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
Even if your intentions are completely golden, she won't believe you. This will turn out badly for you. He'll start telling evenyone in town how you're crazy stalker who can't get over it and are spreading lies to ruin his relationship. And you'll never be able to prove otherwise.
It's a terrible, tough lesson that this girl might learn, but unfortunately, it's not your place to try to help her. Your empathy for her is a good characteristic, but there's really nothing you can do. Sorry!
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
No, I wouldn't tell the girl. If I have moved on, I wouldn't care who he was with and just because he cheated on you doesn't mean he will cheat on her. I've cheated in the past, but have never cheated on my husband and we have been together for 11 years.
I don't think it's your place to tell her and if you told me something like that, I would think that you were a little creepy stalker and not over your ex.
TTC since September 2012
You might do that, but that doesn't mean that she would. As evidenced on here a lot, some women tend to turn a blind eye and bury their head in the sand when it comes to a new relationship.
Sure you can tell her, but be prepared that she won't believe you and it might start up a lot of unnecessary drama and you might end up feeling like a fool.
I'm 95% sure I'm not going to say anything. I was curious as to how others would handle it. You're right about the blind eye. That is most likely what would happen.
Again, your intentions are good, but unless he's already showing signs in their relationship that he's not all that great, she really has no reason to think you're nothing more than a crazy ex out to ruin their relationship.
And if she says anything to him about you contacting her, he's not going to suddenly come clean and say "Well, yeah, she's totally right, I cheated on her all the time, including with prostitutes, so that was a really stand up thing of her to do warning you like that". He's going to just confirm that you're a crazy FB stalking ex that's just looking to ruin the relationship because you're not over him or something. And she's going to believe him, because he's her boyfriend, and you're some random chick he used to date that went out of her way to contact her on FB.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
Nope. Not your business. Plus she won't believe you anyway. She'll tell him and he'll convince her you're his crazy ex and that you're trying to break them up because you still want him. There is no winning in this for you.
Mind your own business.
Her choice in men is not your concern, and putting yourself in the middle of your XH's dating life will only make you look like a crazy person.
REPORTED!
I'm not going to say anything. It just kills me to see men like this involved with anyone. He is very charismatic so she will not see it til it's too late.
I understand your sentiments, but everyone has to learn on their own. If an ex came to me and mentioned how my new boyfriend is a cheat; I'd be cautious and keep one eye opened just in case the ex is being honest, but I'd also not cut ties with him because I don't know the ex and there is a chance she could be lying. There are signs alot of times when someone is cheating or has the possibilities of a cheating. I'll never understand why individual's cheat. I've always been a firm believer, if I'm not happy in my relationship and I'm thinking of being intimate with someone else then just leave the relationship you're in. I'm glad you've decided not to say anything!
haha because you know I'm right! Deal with it little girl.
How old are you?
You know don't have to come into thread that doesn't appeal to you. And, you've been reported again. Get some class!
I don't think you should make this your business. No, it's not right that he's cheating, but it's also none of your business. You also don't know all of the facts if you are just basing this evidence on a picture (that you may not know when it was taken).
If you put yourself in the middle, it may look like you are (a) jealous, (b) want them to be miserable, (c) a stalker (you even felt you had to preface that on this question topic), or (d) like you feel it's your business (which it's not). Things like this will naturally work its way out. If I were in your situation, I imagine it would be difficult to keep my mouth shut. But life has taught me that when it doesn't involve me, my family, or my best friend...I need to keep my nose out of it and let life work itself out.
Good luck!
Thank you and I agree with you all. It's just killing me but I have to stay out of it for sure. I honestly hope he did change for her sake. Maybe he will be so in love with her and change his habits. They are definitely together because someone commented "cute couple" on this pic and it's her default profile picture.
Let it go.
I know from experience that the liklihood is that she won't believe you (he will probably give her some explaination about how you are a crazy person) and they will go along their merry way laughing about that time his loony ex tried to convince her he was a cheat.
I know this because I have been the girl that was warned - and the girl that was cheated on that wanted to give a warning to the next girl. I didn't end up doing it.
Seriously, no one that was "on his side" believed me AT ALL. Some of his friends - the ones that I was close with because I worked with them, and who were the ones that told me what was going on - stuck up for me and backed me up but the rest all thought I was this insane clingy chick who he couldn't get rid of when the reality is that we had stayed friends after our breakup because I worked with his friends and we all hung around together and he decided he wanted one last night with me before he offically changed his Facebook status to in a relationship...with me standing behind him wondering what the heck was going on.
And I had been warned by A LOT of people that he was a scumbag but I didn't believe them and thought that it was all made up.
Better to just keep it to yourself and let her figure it out.