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kibskix
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
bills for former apartment/dealing with ex is making me sick
I'll try to keep it short.
Ex and I had an apartment. He cheated 2 months after we got engaged. He moved out. Except that he left his furniture there (he travels all over the country for work weeks at a time). I lived there till the end of the lease.
He first said he wanted me to just keep the furniture. I dont want it, so I was going to let my mom take it (she just got a big new house and needed to fill it). The day before she was set to pick it all up, he changes his mind. So I cleaned all my stuff off the furniture and packed it all up for him to take. He never showed.
this happened 2 more times. no explanation.
Eventually it came time to move out. Which lead to a *** storm of whining and "demands" on his part (wanting the place clean so his credit wasnt ruined cause he'd been on the lease, etc etc). I packed up all my stuff and moved weeks before the move out date.
When I came back to clean it, imagine my surprise when half the crap is still there!
So I said "EFF THIS", cleaned the place, and left all his crap still there. I even stopped by the office (they knew the situation) and told them he never picked up his stuff.
That was oh, a month ago, and I just got a bill on all the furniture removal and "cleaning" bills, which is about 600 bucks. Apparently he did too, because I just got 8 txts of his copious ranting about why I didn't clean it or get all my stuff out, and how he'll be txting me every week "expecting updates", etc etc. I told him i'd handle it and to stop bothering me. He says "handling it isnt PAYING IT. I dont want this on my credit" etc etc. I said its because of the things he left in the apartment. he said "you said to only take the things you put in the front room!" (the idiot knows I wasnt hauling the bedframe he left into the living room with the living room furniture, or the dresser that still had all this leftover clothes in it.)
Bottom line is he's being purposefully obtuse. He started being a jerk about all of this when he found out i'm dating someone else. I'm planning on paying for the normal "cleaning" and "carpet" costs they always charge you, but i'm not touching the other crap. That's on him.
Although a vindictive part of my brain wants to royally screw him over and not pay for any of it.
That's only about 1/10th of the crap he's pulled since we broke up. It makes me sick to have to deal with him, especially now that i'm moved out of that horrible place and I shouldnt HAVE to.
Ex and I had an apartment. He cheated 2 months after we got engaged. He moved out. Except that he left his furniture there (he travels all over the country for work weeks at a time). I lived there till the end of the lease.
He first said he wanted me to just keep the furniture. I dont want it, so I was going to let my mom take it (she just got a big new house and needed to fill it). The day before she was set to pick it all up, he changes his mind. So I cleaned all my stuff off the furniture and packed it all up for him to take. He never showed.
this happened 2 more times. no explanation.
Eventually it came time to move out. Which lead to a *** storm of whining and "demands" on his part (wanting the place clean so his credit wasnt ruined cause he'd been on the lease, etc etc). I packed up all my stuff and moved weeks before the move out date.
When I came back to clean it, imagine my surprise when half the crap is still there!
So I said "EFF THIS", cleaned the place, and left all his crap still there. I even stopped by the office (they knew the situation) and told them he never picked up his stuff.
That was oh, a month ago, and I just got a bill on all the furniture removal and "cleaning" bills, which is about 600 bucks. Apparently he did too, because I just got 8 txts of his copious ranting about why I didn't clean it or get all my stuff out, and how he'll be txting me every week "expecting updates", etc etc. I told him i'd handle it and to stop bothering me. He says "handling it isnt PAYING IT. I dont want this on my credit" etc etc. I said its because of the things he left in the apartment. he said "you said to only take the things you put in the front room!" (the idiot knows I wasnt hauling the bedframe he left into the living room with the living room furniture, or the dresser that still had all this leftover clothes in it.)
Bottom line is he's being purposefully obtuse. He started being a jerk about all of this when he found out i'm dating someone else. I'm planning on paying for the normal "cleaning" and "carpet" costs they always charge you, but i'm not touching the other crap. That's on him.
Although a vindictive part of my brain wants to royally screw him over and not pay for any of it.
That's only about 1/10th of the crap he's pulled since we broke up. It makes me sick to have to deal with him, especially now that i'm moved out of that horrible place and I shouldnt HAVE to.
Re: bills for former apartment/dealing with ex is making me sick
Sell his stuff and pay the bill with the money you make.
No, but really, it is his stuff and he is responsible for it.
"Do the best you can, until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."
-Maya Angelou
Unless the apartment owners are SUPER AWESOME nice people this isn't going to be the case. Both names are on the lease, both people are responsible for the outstanding charges.
I agree that you should only have to pay for the usual costs (even then I would say only pay half) but the reality of the situation is that it's not just his credit that will get screwed if the bill never gets paid, and it's not just him that is going to get harassed by the apartment owners or collections company.
FWIW I would also say you should change your phone number so that he can't bug you about it anymore.
Is any part of this reflected on YOUR credit? If so, pay it and be done with it. I know it seems like he's getting off scot free, but trust me, you don't want that mess on your credit report for the next 7 years.
If none of this is on your credit report, tell him you're not lifting an freaking finger to help him out - that's the beauty of a breakup. It's his crap, on his credit, and his problem. Either change your number, or file a police report for harrassment. He'll continue to contact you as long as you give him an in.
Hope he's out of your hair soon!
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
He offered to pay his half of the lease till I could afford to get out. He picked out this big ole apartment himself and it was far more than I could afford on my own. It was a stupid thing to agree to in retrospect. At the time, I thought it was more like his "stupid tax" for cheating, breaking us up, and dumping this expensive apartment on my lap while he ran off. In the end though it became such a huge pain, and a way to lord over me by threatening to not pay his half when he had his panties in a twist. (btw he never behaved like this at all while we were dating. hell, we never even argued until the last few months of the relationship. I was trying to be an adult about it and not let my emotions get in the way of figuring out how to handle the situation, and I think that pissed him off, and he went off the deep end, total personality change!)
Anyway, the last month of the lease (when he found out I was dating again) he decided he wasn't going to pay his half. Instead of the reaction he wanted (probably crying and begging) I said "fine. now stop bugging me." I went to the apartment office and pretty bluntly explained the situation.
"So here's the deal, we broke up, he's been honoring his half of the contract by paying his part of the lease. This month, he's bailed and flat refused to pay it. I can pay my half now, but I can only pay his half in 2 weeks when I am paid again."
They were INSANELY nice about it, because i've never been late on rent in my life. So they waived any late fees, and we signed an agreement that said i'd pay X amount in 2 weeks. And I did. We talked at length also about the things of his that were still in the apartment and how I had no illusions that they'd probably still be there when the lease ended. I'd have moved them out myself except that I have a tiny 2 seater car, no friends with trucks, and was super insanely POOR after paying his half of rent.
The bill they sent WAS addressed to him, I just received a copy of it. I'm not sure if that effects my credit or not, because my name was on the lease too, but the bill is under his name.
I've already blocked his email and am going to see about changing my number. I always kind of thought people grew out of this sort of behavior. (sigh)
PS. Thanks for the advice, its nice to know you guys are thinking the same thing i'm thinking. Its been such a monumental pain in my arse, after a while you start questioning whether you're handling it correctly. I've tried very hard to not be a brat and make it worse, all I want is for it to be DONE with so I dont have to deal with this asshat ever again!