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Is being angry destroying love?
I sick of it! I've been married for 2 months and I've had it with so much cooking crap I dont know what to do anymore I try to adapt to what he likes and when I try he always has something to say no matter what I do
For example:
If I make white rice with a little bit of salt he says it tastes like nothing
When I add a little more its too salty.
I've been with this crap for almost a month and I got so mad I started fighting and telling him that I wouldnt cook anymore to go eat at his mothers house because no matter how I try I would never cook like her, is it too soon for all this drama? Should I worry on loosing feelings for this stupid thing that makes me wanna run away from my house cause sometimes I feel like Im not too good at this wife stuff
Im allways angry and when that happens sex is a little cold for me and im not really in the mood of course we've been 3 years at it so its not only in marriage and Im scared I'll be sick of it soon. Should I worry?
Re: Is being angry destroying love?
I wouldn't cook for him anymore, but that doesn't mean you should send him to his mommy's for food. He can be a big boy and make his own dinner.
Is this new behavior since you got married?
Is it just the cooking he complains about?
Constant criticism is legitimately frustrating. If it were me, I'd stop cooking all together. Who said you had to be the chef in the household anyway? He's a grown up, he can make his own meals! I definitely wouldn't encourage him to run to his mama though, two grown adults shoudl be able to address this.
Honestly, your post seems a bit dramatic. You might be over-reacting. Is he just trying to communicate to you about the food he likes? On the other hand, like I said, if he's being an ingrate, tell him to fend for himself. And then watch the way he cooks. Learn what he likes. Then have him watch you cook what you like. Viola! You've both learned what pleases the other.
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
Yeah if I make him cook for himself he will die of hunger,
I find it that way I used to cook for him in my parents house and he would eat without opinions thats what pisses me off
Maybe he does wanna communicate but its annoying me and its constant he doesnt cook so I feel obligated to try harder but no results : (
It's not your fault a supposedly grown man can't take care of himself.
*nod of agreement*
Make sure he has good life insurance, then stop cooking for him.
lol I just spit water all over the table!! Excellent advice!!
Lol Sad but funny
Same here. If I didn't cook, DH would die also. You know the dynamics of your household and if you took the responsibility of cooking, then continue to do so after some discussions with your husband.
I don't see the harm in your husband telling you about the seasoning of the food unless he says it in a demeaning or ungrateful tone. Is it his delivery that is the problem or you don't want him critiquing the meal at all? You sound frustrated and I get that, so if it's the way in which he talks to you, let him know (at a calm time) how it makes you feel. Sending him to his mother's sounds like a bad idea. This is between you and YH and I hope that this becomes a thing of the past. Another idea could be that you and your husband prepare some meals together so that you can get an idea of what he likes.
TTC since September 2012
High time for him to start cooking, too.
Sit him down and tell him from now on you and he will be cooking the meals daily: you one day, him another day.
Or make something on Sunday together that you can eat for the whole week: pot roast, chili, turkey breast, lasagna, meatballs and pasta, etc.
All of the cooking should not be up to you. This ain't 1950.
You said you've been with him for three years.
Is this brand new or has he always been like this? If he's always been like this, why would you marry someone you are already sick of?
Wait so, he doesn't cook at all and then complains to you when you cook about your cooking? Yeah this guy is a d-bag. I would tell him he can either man up and start making his own meals or shut up and eat the ones you make.
I have to believe that this goes on in other parts of your relationship as well and not just with this aspect. Am I correct?
Yeah, that makes you his enabler. He's a grown @$$ man - he could and would cook if people started expecting him to act as such.
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
Wow. SO much hatred on the board! Clearly your husband didn't grow up in the kitchen. While not ideal, you can't really fault him for that.
OP - I think you are being a bit dramatic here. Yes, this is an extremely frustrating situation. I can't imagine if my hubby complained about my cooking every night suddenly after we were married. It would definitely wear on my patience.
It does sound like he's trying to communicate with you about food though - which is good. Sit and talk (calmly!) to him. Learn about him. Find out what he enjoys eating and how he likes it prepared. Tell him that you're a bit frustrated and it makes you sad that you cant seem to make things he likes eating. Ask how you can change/help the situation.
If he comes up with good suggestions, then take them and try to change. If he can't seem to come up with anything or does the "i don't know" excuse, then HAVE HIM COOK ALONGSIDE YOU. Sometimes not liking food is really easy when you don't see the work that goes into creating it. have him help you chop veggies, or stir pasta, or whatever. If he hates this idea, try to explain that you're trying to keep him involved in food choices in your home, and this might be one way that will help you make things he enjoys eating. The other options would be for him to make his own food from now on by himself, or to shut up and eat what you cook.
Cooking together is a great way to have quality time together. little by little he'll learn some cooking skills (good for everyone to know!), and he might be more receptive to your cooking -- especially if you have him taste things halfway through to see if they're seasoned well.
I'd suggest trying it. If it doesn't work, you can try other options. Being angry NEVER helps a situation. Keep your cool. Try to understand his side of the situation, and calmly talk about your feelings and your side of the situation. A lot of times, anger between couples is just the two of you not understanding each other. Good luck!
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Marriage is not 50/50 it is 100/100 I always say. Be careful who you ask I feel so many people just say "move on". Marriage is precious and sacred. I would try to get to the bottom of what's REALLY going on. I doubt it is really about rice or what else not. I highly recommend the book the Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman it talks about how to really communicate with your partner. Instead of responding with anger surprise him by responding with love and kindness. Try doing something nice for him on a whim. Try doing a "LoveDare" from the makers of the film Fireproof.
I also recommend the blogs
The Unveiled Wife
and The Time Warp Wife
Both give lots of good advice.
Pray for your union and guard it above all else. We can't always change our partner especially by responding with nagging or yelling but we can change the atmosphere of our home and make it one of love and peace simply by changing ourselves.
Finally consider counseling even if he won't go it is so helpful if just one of you go for now. Many local churches offer counseling and no cost marriage seminars as well as mentoring services.
Hugs and prayers.
I agree. I like what you said that marriage isn't 50/50, but 100/100.
TTC since September 2012
I'd tell him he obviously needs to take over cooking until I could do it properly. Then I would never cook again.
Oh FFS, no one's husband is going to die if they don't cook. I promise. No grown man will actually starve to death before ordering himself a pizza. My 16 month old could find enough in the pantry to keep himself alive for a few days without cooking. Let's be a little less dramatic here.
Agreed that the boycott may not be the best way to (initially) approach this one.
I am a newlywed also and so I am experimenting with recipes to see what my husband and I both like. Even though we've been together for 7 years, we've only lived together for about 4 months (married for 1), so cooking on the regular is all new!
Have you tried looking up recipes to get his input before you make it? I plan the week's meals before I go grocery shopping, and I run the meal plan by my husband to see if he has any input (and I also have him on the schedule to grill a meal or two on my late nights, even in winter, because he loves to grill). Or is it just that once you make a meal, he criticizes the taste of something? If that the case, I would definitely recommend inviting your H into the kitchen!!! Sometimes people like something more when they put effort into it. Not all men are into being in the kitchen, though...so if he refuses, then I'd strip it down to the basics (salad, a cooked frozen veggie, and a protein) until you can have a sit-down and be heard about how his criticism is wearing on your patience. Like babies, he'll eat if he's really hungry.
P.S. Try making the rice with low sodium/fat free chicken stock (instead of water, if that's what you're using now). I do this for my husband because it's (a) what he's used to from his parents' home and (b) it does just taste better! Also, to add a little pizzazz, I first toast some orzo in the pot (just with some EVOO), once the orzo starts browning then add the (whole grain) rice and chicken stock and cook according to its directions. It's a little more exciting than plain rice and is a super simple take on rice pilaf!
Good luck, and don't let your H be mean to you. He needs to appreciate your efforts at home AND you should lead by example to show him appreciation as well. Last thought - did you do premarital counseling? My H was not into the idea at all, so we started it late in the wedding planning process, and it was the best thing ever. We are still finishing it up now as newlyweds, and counseling can be a really helpful venue in which to discuss whatever is holding you back from being truly fulfilled in your marriage. Best of luck!!