Family Matters
mrsdinger
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
The Big C
My father in law has been diagnosed with a strand of lymphoma. Understandably so, my DH is not handling the news well. I have had to deal with cancer on my side numerous occasions so I am trying to draw from my experiences to help my DH. However, I don't feel that I am doing enough. Any advice on how to be super-supportive during this time? I talk to him about it, but don't want to push him. I am always listening and doing research on the strand my FIL has as well. I just want to make sure I am doing everything I can to help him during this time. Any suggestions for coping strategies? I went to a therapist, but my husband doesn't believe in therapy. Thank you all for your thoughts and suggestions!
Re: The Big C
A social worker would be ideal for him to talk to. Hospitals, hospices and pretty much every town employes one.
There are also cancer support groups; try the ACS's website to find one nearby you.
Wishing your FIL well. Let us know how you're doing.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. Everyone grieves in a different way- I would keep doing what you're doing- be available to listen when he needs you and follow his lead on what he needs.
Are there things you could do to take other stuff off his plate (i.e. bills, chores, etc.) so he could spend more time visiting?
T&Ps to you!
PRAY! Pray unceasingly! Take care of your husband and your household. Be understanding and listen to him. He may be emotional and he may be withdrawn but this is what marriage is really about it is a partnership.
When my DH was going through this I often just listened to him. Sometimes it was just him telling stories about his loved one.
Also see if there is any way you can serve his family (your MIL or other IL). It could be making a meal or cleaning a home or simply sending a card. Drop off something sweet or what not. Serving his family is a way to show love to your spouse.
I don't know what exactly you are saying to him, but my advice is to just let him be sad. I understand the urge to cheer him up ( if that is what you are doing ), give him hope for the future, help him to feel better, but it is also ok if he just wants to be sad. HAving a parent with cancer is sad and scary and he is allowed to feel those emotions and for a while if need be.
I haven't had a parent with cancer, but when my daughter passed away, I remember being very frustrated with people always trying to cheer me up or help me look on the bright side. I just wanted to scream "Dear God people, my baby just died, just let me be sad and angry."
Honestly, the only ones that did help me feel better were the ones that simply listend to me talk about what I was feeling, told me how terrible it was and never tried to insert a pep talk.
Don't try to change his emotions. Emote with him.
If he's angry, scream "This sucks!" for him. If he's crying - cry too. If he is laughing at memories or photos, reminisce with him.