Pittsburgh Nesties
egpitt22
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
"How did Martin Luther King die?"
As I'm tucking Jake into bed last night, that is the question he decided to ask. I was stumped. I said, "well, what have you learned about him so far?" and he said "We learned that he was a great man, who helped a lot of people. We read a book about him today, and we're going to learn more tomorrow at school. I'll just learn more tomorrow, I'm tired right now"
Bullet dodged on that one, but man....I would have had no idea what to say if he would have asked! I just told him to get some rest, and if he had any questions after school to let us know. How do you approach this? At what age can they handle the actual truth about these things?
Re: "How did Martin Luther King die?"
I'm not ready for these questions either.
I think I'd say that at that time, not everyone agreed with his message, even though it was a good one, and he died because he was committed to his message, and cross my fingers that it was enough of an answer.
What a tough question! I like Lisa's answer...and hopefully you can get more ideas from what they teach them in school.
There is a crucifix on the wall at Mason's daycare, and a few weeks ago he asked me why Jesus was bleeding and had nails and thorns in him. I was just like, Ummmm...., then he continued to say that Jackson told him the bad guys put him there, but Jesus was good. I just said, yes, that's right. Probably not a good answer, but I was totally unprepared. It was just after the Newtown shootings, not that Mason knew anything about them, but I struggled with how to answer him because I want to be able to explain things like this that happened in the past, without tying it to today's violence (if that makes sense).
I got to deal with the jesus question when EJ was 3 at a church service for a deceased relative. Kev just laughed... gee, thanks catholic husband. Way to step in. but I explained it a lot like you did Meghan. then we spent hte next 3 months being told that she missed jesus and how he was her friend.
This is similar to what I say, too. I think it's okay for them to know that someone died. Not the gory details, but "he was shot", should be simple and good enough to satisfy them.
I agree with the others. I try to go simple and answer other questions as necessary.
We had to talk about death a lot in a short time period when FIL and my Gigi passed away and she had to go to 2 viewings in 2 weeks. At that point we talked about when bodies get old, very very sick, or hurt very badly, they sometimes don't work anymore.
This lead to a discussion about what very badly meant, guns, etc.
DH also talks to her about guns and hunting and the deer head on the wall. So she understands that when guns shoot something it will kill it. She told DH that he's only allowed to shoot buck, not momies and babies.
This is adorable! EJ is too sweet!
My goal with these things is to always start with "What have you learned so far?" Or "What do you think?"
At least that way you can find out if something is worrying them and it makes sure that the language of the conversation starts at their level. Similar to Amy's family, we have had quite a few conversations about death, and honest but simple is generally my strategy. I don't want to cause fear, but I don't want to hide anything either because I can't possibly prevent my kids from ever hearing anything upsetting...especially now that H is spending time with older kids at before and after care at school.
She asked me the other day if "sex" and "sexy" we're bad words. :-/ Thinking on my feet, I coined the phrase "adult words". Definition - words that are only for adults to use and words that we don't use at school! Fun times. I plan to apply the definition to swear words as well...when that comes up...
Jake - 1.15.08
Liam - 5.17.11
Great thinking! I'm having a hard time getting Brinley to stop saying, "What the hell is that?" Thanks DH! But maybe I can use the adult word definition as a reason why.
She says it so nonchalantly that often I ignore it--but that strategey hasn't worked for discontinuing it's use. The one time I told her that we shouldn't say that, she said, "but my heart feels like it wants to say it".
Oh, she's a spunky one! And quick on her feet. I love it!
Oh my! that is totally something EJ would try to use as an excuse for something!
I can't even imagine the mischief that would transpire if Brinley and EJ were to hang out.
ohh kids,
I explained simply, but honestly too, about the funeral last week when Adam expressed that he "didn't even know what a funeral was" when I told him he can come if he wants but didn't have too.
What he has been doing is cross refrencing notes!! We have to be sure to keep each other informed of what we say to him!
He spent most of the day of the viewing with DH but they both came to my Grams for lunch inbetween so he could see everyone for a bit. When they were headed back to my sisters since the rest of us had to go back to the funeral He asked DH to explain a funeral. When Dh told him Great Grandpa was in a bed Adam said "you mean a box"- which is what I told him (a special fancy box with pillows and a blanket) which through DH for a loop! lol.
We are also now getting questions of how babies come out of mommy's belly. Well he knows that they get cut out by the Dr, like surgery. Because my sister had a c section, but I guess when I told him this originally I said "Sometimes" and he called me out on that the other day and said" you said SOMETIMES they get cut out. so if they don't then HOW do they come out"
I know you are supposed to be "real" but I am having a hard time with saying and explaining a Vigina to my 4 yr old son!!!
Married, September 23, 2006