May 2012 Weddings
Melissa51212
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Interesting Debate
Ladies,
My male co-workers and I just had an interesting debate and i thought it be a good topic for all of you.
I was discussing how I really just want to be a Stay at Home mom when the time comes. Especially with my back ground I could pick up some part-time work once the kids are older etc. Anyway, my co-workers think its wrong that I have a masters degree and just want to be a "mom."
Thoughts/ Opinions?
btw: this is just a fantasy of mine. I make more than H and we just scrap by each month so there no way I ever be able to stay at home.
"Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly"
Re: Interesting Debate
This is a soap box topic of mine. I feel very strongly
I went to an all-women's college, so people expect me to be quite the feminist... which I think I am. I fully believe that women should be equal to men, and can do anything a man can do. I also believe they should have the choice to do whatever they would like to do, or whatever works for their family, and for their life. If that means a woman would like to stay home and raise her children, then gosh darn it, if it works for their family, she should be able to.
FWIW, I feel that way about men, also. If it works for him to be a SAHD, and that's what the family decides, then go for it.
People make career choices every day- even after getting a Masters. In my mind, this would be no different.
ETA: If it matters, I have always wanted to be a SAHM. There are many reasons for this, but it's very important to me. H and I have discussed, and he's on board. Luckily, we're in a situation (assuming nothing crazy happens between now and then) where we will be able to make it work for us, but I would be willing to sacrifice quite a bit to make it happen.
After 2 years of TTC, lots of tests, and a Hysteroscopy/Laparoscopy to remove several polyps,
Clomid/IUI #1 3/14: cancelled due to surprise BFP 3/8/14.
Beta 1 3/11: 398 Beta 2 3/13: 728 Beta 3 3/20: 11,482
Surprise BFP turns into Surprise Twins!
Zoey and Garrett born 10/24/14 at 36+3
I personally think it doesn't matter if or what you have a degree in because there are so many times you may have a degree in one thing but your career is in another. And honestly I feel that's no one's business. I think it's what works for your family and for you personally. Plus once the kids are grown you can always go back to work and you may need that degree to do that.
I would love to be a SAHM and when the time comes if H and I can afford it then we will do it, even though I have a degree and could use it in so many ways. I agree with Zamboni completely on this one it is a family/personal decision to make and no one gets to decide what is best for your family. Same goes for a SAHD as well.
I am determined to be a stay at home mom while I Have children younger the school aged living in my house....or at least working a schedule that we don't need to pay for childcare. My current job would actually be ideal since its evenings and my husband works early mornings. I think people should do what works for their family. But also that its important to recognize that for attachment and development reasons if its at ALL possible to stay home or find a way to be the main caregiver (recognizing for some its not an option) until baby is at least a year old that's the best for the child(proven fact by studies all over the world).
I never wanted a career, I always wanted to be a stay at home mom, and then when as an adult I began to have an interest in my field, I recognize the importance of my work and future goals and am committed to getting my BSW and making a career out of it, but it will never become more important then my children's needs, so depending on their needs will dictate how long I would stay home, or if I would go back to work full time or part time or only on contract basis.
My Blog:Through My Eyes
I have a Bachelor's degree... and in all honesty, i'm not using it right now. But a wise man (my daddy) once told me that education is NEVER wasted. Would I like to be doing a job that's more related to what I went to school for? Absolutely! Do I feel like i'm wasting anything by not? No.
Hubby and I have talked abot it lots before to. What are we going to do when we have kids? He makes more money than me, without a doubt. My mom was a stay at home mom until both my brother and I were in school full time and even then she only went back to work part time. My mom was the mom that was the classroom helper, and the mom that went on field trips. Luckily, my dad also had the ability to be able to be there for field trips and stuff sometimes too. Ideally, that's what I'd love to do! Stay home until the kids go to school, and then work even part time while they're in school. I totally appreciate the time that my mom and dad were able to take to be a part of our lives growing up and I really hope i'm able to do that for my children too.
fixed.
As PP have said... the amount of people I know who are 'using' their degrees is way less than the amount of people I know who are working in fields unrelated to their degree. I wouldn't call that wasting an education, so why would this be any different?
After 2 years of TTC, lots of tests, and a Hysteroscopy/Laparoscopy to remove several polyps,
Clomid/IUI #1 3/14: cancelled due to surprise BFP 3/8/14.
Beta 1 3/11: 398 Beta 2 3/13: 728 Beta 3 3/20: 11,482
Surprise BFP turns into Surprise Twins!
Zoey and Garrett born 10/24/14 at 36+3
Interesting conversation. I do have my masters degree in counseling (specifically school counseling) and I am unfortunately not in that job position - partially by choice, partially not. I chose not to leave my small town in order to stay closer to my family especially when my grandpa was terminal with cancer. I applied for endless jobs around here, but apparently in the mid-west a school counselor job also translates to teacher, which is not my cup of tea - at all. All of us have choices to make in our lives and sacrifices that must be made. You have to be the one to make those decisions. My sister, who also has a masters degree, couldn't understand this for a lot of years. She felt like it was such a waste. Now that she has children, she gets it a little more.
I feel like it doesn't matter what your "degree" is or what your job is. You and your husband are the ONLY ones that can decide what is best for your family. If you are in a position to be able to stay home with your children, and that is what you want to do, more power to ya! My mom stayed at home with my sister and I until we were in school and ran a small daycare in order to pick up what income she could. That is what worked for my mom and dad and I am proud of her for doing it. Once we were in school - she also went to school - in that she worked in the middle school as a senior secretary for 20+ years. Only the two of you know what's best for your family. No one else needs to "get" this.
toothpastechica said: But also that its important to recognize that for attachment and development reasons if its at ALL possible to stay home or find a way to be the main caregiver (recognizing for some its not an option) until baby is at least a year old that's the best for the child(proven fact by studies all over the world). While I don't disagree with it, I also want to add that simply because a parent does not stay home with their children does not mean by any means that there are going to be a host of attachment and developmental issues. There are a great many millions of children with parents who both work and are doing just fine in school and their social environment (my niece and nephew are just a couple of examples!). Raise your children the best way that you can, and they will be just fine.
If money wasn't an issue I would love to be a SAHM one day. However, unless we hit the lottery H & I both have to work to support ourselves let alone the little ones when they come along. I'm lucky in that where I work has childcare and is very family friendly, so taking time off when they're sick and/or the occasional field trip won't be a problem. I don't see myself leaving this job anytime soon, but if I had to I would have to reevaluate staying at home and probably working part time.
I agree with the 2nd part. Moderation, in all things. I'm sure staying home for the first year is nice for the baby, but if a child is constantly around his mother for the first few years of his life (no babysitters, no child care, etc.) it's also going to create an attachment issue where they are never going to want to be away from their parent when it's time for school.
I've never wanted to be a SAHM. Obviously that probably goes without saying since I don't even know if I want to have kids. If we do have kids, we'll probably have 1 day of outside child care, 1 day of a grandparent care, 1 day where I watch the kid, and 1 day where H watches the kid. That way neither of us have to give up our career, but then our baby isn't spending 4 days a week dumped at daycare either.
I guess I have mixed feelings about an education being a waste or not for a SAHM. I think it's a waste of money to get a master's degree if you are only going to work for 1-2 years, get pregnant, and then never work again. I think it's less of a waste if you plan on working again once they are in school - but I think a lot of women say they are going to go back to work, and then just never do after 5-7 years of not having an outside job. Or they have a hard time getting back into it because they've been away from the field for so long that they'd need to update their education to do their job.
The only time I really have a problem with it is when it's a program that is extremely difficult to get into. There were more than 3,400 applicants for our dental school class of 80 people. It's extremely difficult to get into dental school. So when a girl gets into dental school, knowing that when she gets pregnant she isn't going to work after that....yeah, it is a waste knowing that there are plenty of other people out there that would have put that education to use for their own & for public benefit.
I would love to be a stay-at-home Mom when the time comes, but it depends on resources, etc. If we can afford it, then I fully intend to stay home for at least the first year if not until school-aged. It really depends on finances. I have a Masters degree and it doesn't bother me that I'm not going to be "using" it. It's not like its a non-renewable resource. It will be there when I get back...haha. However, I do not want to be like my aunt who had her first child at 19 and he's now 21 and she's still raising kids (she has a 21 year old, 17 year old, 8 year old, 6 year old) and hasn't worked full-time since.. That may drive me crazy. A good friend of mine also never intends to work again (she had a baby a month ago). That would be so weird to me.
My H is fully behind it and has even told me he would like me to because he had a SAHM. But, we'll see. I'm a teacher, so my schedule works really well with school aged children and I have big issues with childcare, so I'm not 100% sure. I was abused by a child care worker when I was a baby and my mother had to pull me out and I was taken care of by my grandmother after that. So...I'm nervous about it...
I swear I'm not trying to be snarky, but I would be interested to read the articles that prove this.
I'll be staying home for awhile after Clara is born (go back to grad school part time in June 2013 and then I will graduate in May 2015.) So, she'll be a bit over 2 when I'm back at work FT.
As far as wasting a degree if you decide to be a SAHM, absolutely not. It is a decision for each family and they both have benefits and drawbacks. But, I definitely don't think that being a SAHM makes somebody a better mom. I've seen lots of kids with moms who don't work who don't seem any better off or better adjusted than kids with working moms. FWIW, even though I'll be essentially a SAHM for 2 years, I don't think I'll be the greatest at it. I'm kind-of scared.
I'm working on my Masters degree now, I have a Bachelors degree that I don't really "use"- but I like how heightdeprived put it: An education is NEVER wasted (I'll have to steal that-trademark heightdeprived's dad :-) ). My baby fever used to be raging crazy when we first got married until I got this daycare job... Now I deal with enough children and their chaos, so I'm good on having kids for a while. I'll let H decide when he's ready!
So honestly, this SAH-parent conversation hasn't really ever come up between us. We agreed when we got married not to think about kids for at least 2 years, so I assumed the SAH conversation would come up when we were ready to try. I think I'll just take my maternity leave and go back to work. I'm working too hard on this degree and teaching license right now to quit working just as I get started. H makes good money right now, though he's considering a career change, and I think he would feel the same way.